You do it once an year.
I'm writing some jokes.
Your local merchants call them "bad cheques."
Television is incredibly boring.
It is especially boring when you sit there watching a blue screen for hours, not realizing you need to change the input.
Everyone watch Santa Clara vs. Notre Dame today at 4:30 EST on ESPN2.
You have no life except to watch tv? Sad...
I am very irritable today.
Must be IBS, I can smell you way over here.
I was serious about the soccer game today.
Good to know you're finally serious about something.
I have a headache and want to go home to bed.
Then do it and stop your whinning.
I'm going on a christmas stroll tonight.
Make sure you're in before dark...don't want all the dogs howling after you waking up the neighbors.
I love Christmas time.
Once a year you can break into your daughter's house, snoop around, steal some cookies, leave some trash, and claim you're Santa Claus.
I may need to purchase a Santa suit.
To hide your fat rolls?
I'm waking.
From what? A drug induced stupor?
This year my husband got a fabulous christmas gift!
First finish waking. Then try writing.
I need to buy a good stereo headset.
Your old headphones aren't broken, you can't hear anything because you don't own a stereo system.
I'm making Italian food tonight.
Where are you going to get the horse's head?
I feel bloated.
Guess you ate like a pig again.
I need to make an appointment with my doctor.
When there aren't any appointments until July, take the hint.
I've got an eye exam coming up.
And you'll be up all night studying for it.
My fence needs repair.
I hope it get's fixed soon, we don't need you running around the neighborhood, again.
I'm in for the night.
Yeah, those locked wards can be pretty strict about that.
I'm in a committed relationship.
Sorry to hear you will be spending the holidays in jail again.
I want to finish my Christmas shopping today.
