The Insult Chain Game

The court ordered you to go to rehab to fix your booze problem but you decided to try the cold turkey method for a weekend before you sign yourself into an institution.

I admit I shed a few tears at the cinema today after seeing Ayrton Senna's death in Senna (2010), the biography of the three time Formula 1 world champion from Brazil.

What do you want me to do about it, buy you a box of tissues, you cry baby?

Seeing that I'm home tonight, I might open a bottle of 1975 Penfold Grange Shiraz, the label is damaged so its only valued at $400 now.

Look closer -- it says $4.00.

My partner and I are going to the Ventura County Fair this afternoon.

That's because you're barred from all those establishments, you drunk.

I walked another 5 k today.

That's because your car wouldn't start and you weren't about to let anything stop you from going to the liquor store to pick up more booze.

I'm trying out a new hairstyle.

You got onto a treadmill, turned on the 5k distance program, stayed on for 100 meters, got off but kept the tread mill running. While you let the program run its course sans person, you chain smoked and stuffed your face with Twinkies. When the machine finished its 5k program, you showed everyone who would listen the tread mill electronic display which indicated that it in fact ran through the 5k program. No one was the wiser.


Ooh! An accidental twofer!
You were too cheap to go to the hair stylist, so you tried to cut your hair using the blender you already have in the kitchen. The ER medical bills that you accrued with the subsequent accident could have paid for least at 150 haircuts.


This Wednesday, I will be going to cinema to see a live screening of the Rifftrax comedy group make fun of the film Jack and the Giant Killer.
http://www.rifftrax.com/files/live/jack/press/release/RiffTrax_JackRelease_FINAL_071811.pdf

Nobody cares what you're doing, so stuff it.

I'm reading a murder mystery.

Is it lift the flaps or join the dots?

I'm off to my mate's for dinner. He's an eminent proctologist.

We know why you're going there, you sly fellow!

I just made some bison meatballs.

You're a fan of balls aren't you, not just meatballs.

I'm playing the organ in church again this morning.

Isn't that why you have to sign the sex offenders register?

I'm just popping out to look at some seasonal meteors.

Those aren't meteors silly. Your neighbor's kids are just throwing lit glow sticks from their yard into yours.

Last couple of weeks, I've been watching all of seven seasons of Star Trek: the Next Generation. I have three episodes left.

Being unemployed and friendless leaves you with a lot of free time to kill, doesn't it.

I just watched a funny movie.

Debbie does Dallas isn't a funny movie at all, you have a weird sense of humour "lady".

The vicar commended me for my organ playing this morning, he said it was exceptional!

He'll say anything to get you and your wife off his back and not invited to lunch.

I bought the game of Balderdash today for $1.00!!

Balderdash is defined as senseless, stupid, or exaggerated talk or writing and nonsense, just the crap a dumb blond would pay $1.00 for!

My neighbour calls me a genius so today I will cut her lawns as a reward.

She's the genius because she knows you're dumb enough to believe her and that's how she gets her lawn cut.

I can't believe that summer's almost over.

Not surprising you never see the sun as you're always walking the "beat" at night time you cheap tart.

I bought a water bed today.

That ought to prove interesting when your grandkids come over to play mumbley-peg on the bed!

The repairman is coming tomorrow to fix a loose solar panel.

"mumbley-peg"? LOL

It got loose during the beating you took from your drug connections when they found out you ripped them off.

I'm now working with an investment firm.