The Insult Chain Game

I hope you don't create a scene in the airport by waving your arms and yelling, "Pat me down! Pat me down!" to beg for the excitement of being groped by a TSA screener. You're so horny and desperate, you might strip down to your jockey shorts and insist the screener thrust his hand inside them to check for explosives. By the time they finish having a psychiatrist check you out, I think you'll have missed your flight. So, try to behave yourself, keep your clothes on, and have a good trip.

I've already begun preparing my Thanksgiving dinner. I'm trying to be very organized this year.

It's better to give.

I suppose someone, somewhere made sense of of what you just said.

We are driving to my partner's mothers tomorrow.

Guilty conscience no doubt after what you put your partner through recently.

I will be attending an early Christmas party tonight.

Can't wait to start boozing it up for the holidays, can you? In fact, you've been imbibing holiday cheer almost non-stop since last Christmas, you sot.

My Thanksgiving dinner was a huge success!

The neighbors didn't hear the screams of your relatives and the blood was kept to a minimum!

Tomorrow I fly back to California after a wonderful holiday.

Doing time for a traffic violation is your interpreation of a wonderful holiday, pity it wasn't longer.

Checked my lobster pots this morning and brought 6 home, just cooked them and put them on ice until x-mas.

Poaching those lobsters from other people's pots will have you enjoying Christmas dinner behind bars again. Your family has begun to think of your yearly arrests as part of the "tradition" of their holiday season, and your criminal lawyer considers you his "Christmas bonus".

I don't know whether to brave the crowds and go out shopping for bargains.

Or stay home cowering under a blanket because the nasty people might get you!

I am back in SoCA and will do some shopping today.

This time pay for it so you won't spend another Christmas behind bars you petty thief.

I have started to write my memoirs.

That ought to be an interesting paragraph!

I had an uncle who was an Archbishop.

I note you say he 'was', since defrocked for misbehaviour by his holiness the Pope.

I had visions of becoming a priest once but the life of celibacy didn't appeal to me.

And, unfortunately, in your secular life, you have never really appealed to women either, so you've wound up pretty celibate anyway, you loser.

I think I'm going to take an online defensive driving course to lower my insurance premium.

Your place is in the kitchen and not on the road where you are nothing but a traffic hazard, no wonder your insurance premium is high.

I had a great night out with my neighbour last night, she paid the tab as well.

Of course, she expected certain "favors" in return.

Some friends invited me backpacking in the Canadian Rockies this summer.

Yeah, you're going to be the pack mule and carry all the stuff for everyone else. You're also going to supply the food and do the driving. You didn't think they were inviting you for your delightful company, did you?

I received some delicious chocolate peppermint bark as a Christmas gift yesterday.

Wake up firefly that generous male is after more than your generous smile comes Christmas time.

I'm donating a bag of Christmas goodies to the Salvo's this year.

Last year, you were so drunk, the bag of "goodies" you brought them contained your dirty laundry. This year they'll probably be grateful for anything, including a load of your empty beer bottles, as long as it doesn't smell like your unwashed socks.

I have been writing out a lot of checks for charities.

Adhering to a court order to pay back the money you stole from them no doubt!

I will be attending a great New Years Eve party.

It won't be any different to the usual orgies you and your mates attend on a regular basis.

I'm in the process of organising a sumptuous seafood bbq for some friends who'll be visiting me this afternoon. Have some nice bottles of White on chill as well.