The Insult Chain Game

nothing better than a buddhist/christian bikers get together for prayers on the road

revving up the v8 at the very thought of blowing a little smoke

That's all your car does it blow smoke. It's been banned from the road!

My tomatoes are not doing as well as I'd like.

The secret is to give them water you ass.

My fruit trees doing extremely well, full of fruit at the moment.

Of course the tree is full of fruit. It's always full of fruit. It's a fake fruit tree filled with plastic fruit.

I just sent in for some information on part time schooling/Masters program at Christies Auction house.

Selling, yourself, for a living comes not unexpectedly: have you considered a Dutch auction.

I'm tempted to plant something.

You're to old for a hair transplant you grey spinster.

Tonight I'm giving a talk to a mixed audience on the mating habits of the Kangaroo.

A subject with which I am sure you are intimately familiar! A "mixed audience"? Roos, wallabys etc?

I shall be getting up at 5AM tomorrow.

Just to empty your bladder I guess.

Incredibly all our deserts are under water forcing me to cancel my trip into the outback.

I just spotted two small typos in your statement Dutchy. It should have read:
"Incredibly all our desserts are under water forcing me to cancel my trip into the backyard."

I'm not sure how this surreal incident happened but consider it a blessing. You need to cut back on the junk food. Perhaps if you also cut back on the beer and pot then you can remember why your stash of junk food was found soaking in a full bathtub.

Just have enough time to watch The Daily Show and eat breakfast this morning then I'm off to work.

Then off to the psychiatrist when you realized the Daily Show comes on at night!

I have worked for John Stewart.

Oh, you were the guy he hired to pick up all the dog poop in his backyard.

I had some delicious fish at a Greek restaurant today.

So you went dumpster diving behind the local McDonalds who is managed by a guy with a Greek sounding name and found half eaten Filet-o-fish sandwich?

I walked all the back to home from work for the exercise. It took me almost 2 hours.

Admit you did it to save the fifty cents for the bus fare you cheapskate!

I just did a 2 mile run. Time for a shower then off to a meeting tonight.

A shower you need but trying to disguise a meeting for a pub crawl doesn't wash with me, you sot.

I just groomed my neighbours cat and am being rewarded with a nice cup of coffee and home made cake.

If you get all that for petting her cat I can only imagine what you get for cleaning out her garage.

No motorcycle tonight. Too windy!

You mean you're passing so much wind you couldn't remain on the seat and control the bike, you gas bag. Better cut out the beans, El Farto.

I have to buy some birthday cards today.

And you will mail them to yourself while telling people "just look at all the people that sent me birthday cards!"

I shall go to the hot springs tomorrow after a month long hiatus.

Your partner slipped out of town so you decided to ogle a few cheap floozies there you sleazebag.

I enjoyed a most dilicious yiros for dinner tonight

Against your doctors wishes. That one meal should take another 5 years off your life.

I shall be going to an Indian restaurant tonight with some friends.

You'll run up your usual high bar tab, stuff yourself to the gills, and then say you left your wallet and credit cards at home, stiffing your friends with the check. I should really say, "your former friends", because these people never want to see your face again, you shameless freeloader.

I had some luscious chocolate mousse cake at lunch today.