Your excuse to get drunk again you old moll.
Saturday here and time to do the garden.
Manure is definitely your signature fragrance.
I'm watching the Wimbledon ladies' singles final.
No doubt reminds you of your younger days when you had the looks and opportunity to plays with balls.
I am going to have a sleep in on Sunday morning.
Translation: You're so drunk you'll be lucky if you wake up at all on Sunday.
I have another function to attend today as well.
Are you sure you want to call going to the grocery to pick up more beer a "function"?
I put up a new mail box and planted black-eyed susan's today.
Meaning it will probably be some time before Susan forgives you for whacking her in the face with the mailbox.
I must get ready to leave now.
Since you never shower, shave, or change your clothes, that should take you no time at all.
I'm glad I don't have to go out today.
Who wants to see you anyway, you overweight gossipy old dragon.
Going for a seaside luncheon today.
You'll eat whatever the tide rolls in.
Just returned from a lovely soirée.
Is that what you call an evening of debauchery with your lowlife friends.
Spent a peaceful Sunday at home today.
That's because everyone's deserted you. Who can blame them.
I'm going to try something new today.
Well, the list of things you should try is endless, but you can start with these: thinking, washing, tidying up, being friendly, brushing your hair, wiping your nose...
I think I'll make some chicken soup from the bones I have.
Are those the bones you stole from your neighbor's dog? How low can you get.
It's too warm for me to work in the garden this afternoon.
Good excuse to hit the bottle again you lazy sot.
Going to attend a farewell dinner tonight.
You got fired from another job? Man, are you a loser.
I just listened to some beautiful music.
You didn't listen to music, you perved at the Il Divos boys, you sex maniac.
I just had the most delicious mug of cappuccino and cake.
Didn't the cake get soggy?
I've decided to start doing yoga again.
About time you ugly fat slob.
Having a haircut this afternoon.
That must be "hair" in the singular, chrome dome, as in, "Having a hair cut". Some guys look good bald, too bad you're not one of them.
I am going to do some repair work.
I hope it's on your face.
I'm going to be in a new independent film as a mountaineer.
