Organize, don't make me laugh, you can't find your own @rse with both hands and a map.
Time for a cuppa and a crumpet shortly.
You REBEL! How exciting!!!
I may wear my Speedo to the beach tomorrow.
I didn't know they even made them in size 6X. You'll probably need a half gallon of sunscreen just to cover all that exposed blubber.
I rarely drink diet soda anymore.
I'm not surprised, you show all the signs of being a drunken sot.
Going to play a game of cards with my friends tonight.
Aren't you embarrassed to be playing strip poker with a group of women in their 80's? Since you're always the loser, they die laughing at the sight of your flabby, portly body, covered with those flower tattoos. What's your excuse for being there? Enjoy making a fool of yourself, you jerk?
I am reading a good book.
You're reading "Sex Party at Lisa and Ben's" but it's a good book for you.
A limo is coming to pick me up shortly
The local sheriff coming to pick you up again to do some more time you incorrigible thief.
Planning to do a lot of work outside tomorrow.
It's good they put you on the chain gang, you need the fresh air and exercise.
I just did my weekend shopping.
Two bottles of gin, three of whisky, must practically break the bank.
I taught a German boy called Kevin today.
What did you teach him? Three Card Monte? How to pick pockets? You indoctrinate your "students" into crime like a modern day female Fagin. But that's all you really know, isn't it, you cheap hustler
I just picked out new eyeglasses.
They won't make you look any better. Fine feathers don't make fine birds. And they'd better be rose tinted, or you'll go on being the grouch we all loathe.
Senility is setting in, dearie. You got so caught up in your dumb insult you forgot to post a comment about yourself, you old bat.
I have to do some laundry.
You sure do; nobody can stand being within 10 feet of you.
I'm going to listen to a radio programme about the press.
It's a pity streetwalking doesn't pay you enough to be able to afford a TV, or even a daily newspaper. But there just aren't many takers for what you've got to sell.
I am trying a new chicken recipe for dinner.
All you can think of is your stomach you bloated moby dick, no wonder you can't find a bloke to take you out.
Going to the big football game tonight, should be a beauty.
Just another excuse to drink too much beer, get drunk in public, bother everyone around you, and get arrested for disorderly conduct AGAIN. Have you ever actually watched the game, Beer Breath?
I just heard a funny news story.
Too drunk to post anything more? I guess you're probably asleep and snoring right now.
So you finally crawled out from under your rock. And, as usual, you don't make much sense.
I got several mosquito bites yesterday.
Now there's several drunken mosquitoes staggering about.
I have a barbecue to attend today.
I pity the other guests who'll have to watch you slobber food and drinks all over yourself, and over many of them as well. Although, once they see you in action, it's unlikely anyone will be anywhere near you, you revolting slob. You'll be left, to eat all alone, as usual.
I love the 4th of July.
