That means your 300 feral cats are not doing their job.
I am leaving shortly to see a school production of Les Miserables.
Les Miz--at the reform school you attended, before you graduated to adult jails--how perfect! Better hold onto your wallet, or your collection of stolen credit cards might go missing during the show.
I hope it rains today.
You always hope for things that wil make others miserable.
I'm going on a march against global warming this afternoon.
You know absolutely nothing about global warming, and carrying a placard that says, "Santa's home is in danger, pray for him," will only show the world what an idiot you are. And weren't you for global warming last week because you thought, if the earth warmed up, you'd use less home heating oil and you'd save money? Better stay home, you nitwit, you don't even know what you think.
I had a repairman in my home today.
Since when do you call a gigolo a repairman you cheap little tart.
Going to take the boat out fishing this afternoon.
"the boat" is a pet name you have for your wife.
I got a bit sunburned yesterday.
You're the color of a boiled lobster, and a whole lot less appealing.
I keep forgetting what day of the week it is.
If you left the bottle alone you would know you sot.
I'm going to enjoy a real Cuban sigar shortly.
Is "sigar" your term for a Cuban hooker? I'm not surprised you have to pay a woman to have sex with you. You're so revolting, even the hookers charge you double.
I bought lots of fruit yesterday.
Very sensible but don't use the bananas as a marital aid.
Filling the car up this morning as the gas prices are the lowest for the week.
The prices sure are low when you syphon the gas out of your neighbor's truck, you lowlife crook.
I just got my new fax machine up and running.
Yea, only to keep in contact with your string of toy boys, you insatiable siren.
Going to install the SKYPE telephone program on my computer today.
It better come with very dumbed-down instructions, or you won't be able to manage it.
I'm in the mood for a really good movie.
I know, double x-rated chick flicks, you don't fool me.
Just paid, the gas, power and council rates on line.
And the payments will all bounce, just as they do when you write checks, you deadbeat. Or did you try paying them with a stolen credit card this time?
I think I should change my hair color.
I agree. And some plastic surgery on your face wouldn't hurt either.
I recently died my hair back to it natural medium brown.
Obviously you didn't score with your grey hair, you vainglorious society misfit.
I'm in the market for a new car.
Find one to fit your image--any of the wrecks at the junkyard would be just perfect.
I've been having trouble sleeping.
Tried sleeping on your own instead of having a gigolo on either side.
Going to polish my kitchen and laundry floors tomorrow.
Talk is cheap. You'll say the same thing tomorrow, and the day after that. You never do anything, you lazy bum.
I need to organize my closets.
