Masturbating is hard work.
Leftover onion rings don't heat up well in the nuke.
Try cooking real food.
I just had a sausage sub.
Thank you, Monica Lewinsky.
35 more minutes until I can go home.
Damn those timed milking machines, eh moo-lin?
People say I'm out of touch.
I hear your quite "touched".
I have to load the dishwasher.
Otherwise you won't get your allowance.
I think I'll go to a sushi place for dinner.
"Sushi" means smelly in Japanese.
I love music.
So much so you stopped bathing and shaving for a year to follow the Dead.
It's almost quitting time.
Try a treatment center.
I can't wait for christmas.
It's the one time a year when you can handle a "package."
Halloween's over; Thanksgiving is coming up.
Planning on making a pig of yourself again?
I should be sleeping.
I know a good vet that can put you to sleep.
And yes, I do plan to make a pig of myself again.
I should warn your family.
I have chocolate on my teeth.
Ehm, that is not chocolate, chocolate smells different!
I went to the gym again, I am so super good!
Super good! huh, what was Gym's last name, I'd like to get a second opinion.
Time is flying by.
Yep. You're old. And ugly, too. (You did ask for a second opinion.)
I miss Rodney Dangerfield.
Who asked? Nobody cares.
I have four puppies.
That's a lot of soup. How were the other two?
I am considering a home equity loan.
Go for it; the guys in the loan department always love a good laugh.
I can see the wage-slavery, I just can't get out from under it.
Better get used to being at the bottom of the barrel, I think you found your niche.
I think I need some new clothes.
