Book two masseurs, one will be working a week on that body mass.
I enjoy a Swedish steam room.
And all the handsome fellahs that occupy it, eh big boy?
I prefer a jacuzzi with naked women.
Why a jacuzzi? Cos it hides your persistent flatulence?
I'm popping my last pills in about half an hour.
You have only seventy pink ones left?
I'm going to bed soon.
You don't have to announce it. It's not like involves anyone but you.
I'm saving up for some new curtains.
Thank god for that, the neighbours are sick and tired of looking at your big fat ugly body through those windows.
I am trying to find a front off-side wing for a Model T Ford.
Still driving that old wreck your father left you? Why don't you invest in a NEW car?
My cell phone is having issues.
Yes, yes, and your TV is telling you to kill your best friend, and your toaster is planning to rob a bank.
I'm sitting in my sons' London flat while they play football.
He didn't invite you to the game for fear of the bleachers collapsing.
My son is an ace tennis player at college.
The only guy ever to lose a match to 72 straight aces.
I am stuffed.
Sooner or later, all of you turkey's get stuffed.
I am putting a land drain in tomorrow.
It won't help. If you weren't such a gullible jerk, you never would have bought that worthless piece of swamp land in the first place.
I need to buy a new mouse.
Aren't the rats in your evil dungeon enough?
I have to send a menu to my brother-in-law now.
You mean, so he can figure out which part of your cooking poisoned him?
I've got to get some more salad stuff today.
Time for your yearly veg intake? Or is that for your pet tortoise?
My feet are getting cold.
Why don't you wear shoes and socks, like civilised people do?
It's stopped raining for once.
Someone shut off the leaking tap that drips onto your cardboard roof.
I can't be bothered to go and get socks and shoes.
P'raps not, but please do put some underwear on!
It's another lovely day in paradise.
It was until you showed up.
I feel like the cat slept on my face again.
Looks like he scratched the hell out of your face too. Or maybe that's just the way you look.
I am in Ventura CA overlooking the Pacific.
