The nicest one says "Jesus loves you...Everyone else thinks you're an a$$hole".
Today would be a nice day to do some paragliding.
Still dreaming about flying over those prison walls? Get back to mopping the floor before the correction officer sees you slacking off and writes you up.
I just had some delicious pie.
'American Pie' was it?
Im still awake
Amazing, after all the booze you've consumed.
I need to get better organized.
This is what you told the police when you told them you couldn't find your husband...
I am at a pool looking at a lovely young lass in a thong bikini.
And she's feeling creepy because that very weird guy is staring at her.
My new neighbors seem a little strange.
They are thinking the same thing about you!
I'm in Massachusetts for a few days.
Why? Does Indiana want you again?
I'm listening to Eva Cassidy.
If you took your medication, those voices would stop.
I had too much coffee today.
And you peed yourself again. Maybe invest in some adult diapers?
I ran 2 miles this morning.
You can run from the mob, but you can't hide.
I had to pay a plumber $145 just to fix a loose screw on my toilet.
That's because he had to replace it with a custom-made screw designed to hold over 500 pounds for extended periods!
I am auditioning for the lead in an independent film.
Zombie movie?
I'm feeling warm.
That's because you're sitting on a lit stove.
I am wearing jeans and a t-shirt.
Put Jeans stuff away you cross dresser
I'm building a ramp for a farmer tomorrow.
Put Jeans stuff away you cross dresser
I'm building a ramp for a farmer tomorrow.
We heard you the first time. What's the big deal about building a ramp for a bunch of handicapped cows?
Speaking of farms, I like organic vegetables.
Organic vegetables and Hostess Twinkies are two of your favorites!
My mom is flying to the Grand Canyon.
Who cares?
(howdy, Nick!)
We're about to have a lunch in a fancy restaurant.
Well pay for it this time.
I completed the ramp and emptied and moved an enormous hayrick.
