I'm sure it's a terrific bargain since you kicked your foot through it.
I am dating a lady with a very nice car.
If that's the only feature she has that's worth mentioning I pity you.
I've just drunk one liter (1/4 gallon) of grapejuice.
Later you will have found out it's prune juice. I pity anyone who comes near you.
My girlfriend is worth several million and is beautiful and funny.
Be sure to hide the receipt from your wife then.
I am glad autumn is finally coming.
Don't get your hopes up. When the Parole Board meets this Fall, they'll turn you down, as usual.
I have been getting lots of phone calls telling me who to vote for in the primary election.
That's because they know you have no mind of your own.
I refuse to vote for any Republicans.
But you're so dumb you refuse to vote at all, because there are always Republicans on the ballot.
I am watching Martha Stewart.
...nostalgically recalling the days the two of you spent in the prison yard.
I am listening to a conservative radio host and I want to kick him.
If you learned how to change the station, dummy, you'd know how to make him shut up.
Listening to Bush always makes me feel upset.
Because you know you sound as illiterate as he!
I'm eating a lovely fresh cucumber.
I'm glad you're actually eating it this time.
I am preparing to shave off my beard.
LOL, you rude boy!
Please don't shave! It's hiding your ugliness!
I'm just about to go into a meeting.
So it's you they sent when they want to break up unscheduled gatherings.
I've rearranged my furniture today
It looked better before. You need to rearrange your life--it's a complete mess.
I am throwing out a lot of stuff I no longer use.
Like your husband?
I am writing a great screenplay.
Great for lining the dog basket like the rest of the drivel you come up with...
It's time I put my life in order...
Excellent idea. Start by releasing the hostages and surrending peacefully to the police.
I got my car washed yesterday.
Great, now you have clean rust.
I make a mean meatloaf.
Judging by the horrible stomach cramps everyone gets after eating it, it's more downright vicious than mean. You're mean, the meatloaf is lethal.
I just sent an e-mail to my state senator.
Begging for early parole rarely works.
I've gained 5 pounds in the past month.
