Is it as old as you are?
I'm painting one of the bathrooms.
It's important for inmates to keep busy, and, if you are industious and responsible, that might help to impress the parole board.
I'm trying a new shampoo.
Even the best shampoo won't be able to clean that matted rats nest. Maybe try shaving it all off?
I has pasta for dinner.
I thought pasta gave you diarea? Or do you like that sort of thing?
I just ate a banana.
So? You want me to applaud that you actually ate the banana after the half dozen burgers and the 4 bundt cakes soaked in ice cream and syrup?
I am having a problem with one of my toenails.
It's outwitted you again? Every time you try to clip it it jerks free and stabs you in the forehead? Face it, it's just got more brains than you do. Why not take some courses in how to use a nail file before you go on to the more advanced task of trying to use those clippers again.
I think I will wear purple today.
If you dont want to resemble Barney the dinosaur I would advise against it.
Purple is my favorite color.
Is that why you died your hair purple? Hint: You look ugly and retarded.
Just got some new tennis shoes.
Are they zips? You dork.
I am eating oatmeal cookies and drinking a sprite.
Is that how you get the taste out of your mouth?
I need to drink more water.
You drink enough water. Just stop mixing it with scotch.
I love the ocean.
You are the reason our oceans are polluted. Try enjoying the desert from now on.
I don't like being insulted.
I thought you'd at least be used it by now.
I'm going to have a nice spinach salad tonight.
To compliment the 60oz porterhouse steak and fried onion rings?
I shall be dining at Subway this evening.
That's your idea of a 4 star restaurant isn't it?
I should really get a haircut.
I was wondering when you were going to do something about that rats nest.
I'm dioing my grocery shopping in the morning.
It must be hard to feed your family on $10 a week!
I am very shy when you meet me in person.
How would we know? You haven't left your house in 20 years!
I am very outgoing when you meet me in person.
Yeah, but the problem is that you never stop talking.
I just took a nice long bubble bath.
I've never heard of anyone "bathing" in foam packing bubbles before, but you do a lot of freaky things that make absolutely no sense.
I nearly had an embarrassing encounter with someone today.
