We all understand the importance of washing yourself and lets face it, you have neglected that for some time now.
I just went to Mc Donalds
And stuffed yourself on some healthy artery-clogging eggs and hash browns? That should compliment the half dozen Big Macs you had last night!
I had a danish from Dunkin Donuts this morning.
Yeah that you threw up 5 minutes later.
My hubby wont answer the phone.
Yes, because he knows its you calling.
I need to use the bathroom.
Too late again! Might I suggest you invest in a few pairs of "Depends"?
I want to host my own TV show.
I didnt realize you were so interested in being pelted with rotten fruit.
I have no socks on.
You also have a dusty, ill-treated, unused brain ...
I am looking at a fantastic view
It cant be in the mirror then.
I need to shave my legs
And your face!
I will be attending a MoveOn meeting Tuesday.
Is that a neighbourhood group asking you to MoveOn out of town? If so, I'm not surprised.
I'm drinking a lovely cup of tea.
That's the urine sample your grandmother left off for you to deliver to the doctors office...maybe if you weren't so busy doing tabs of acid you'd have realized it was a plastic cup with her name on it.
I bought a new coat today.
Oh now that you shaved your back you're cold?
I am almost off of work.
A) You don't have a job...basket weaving in the looney bin is not a job.
B)You are already completely off your rocker.
I am going to the movies and dinner with some former co-workers later on.
Are you guys gonna call up Jesus and walk with him like old times?
That made me laugh.
A ham sandwich makes you laugh. You don't have a sense of humor, you're just a nitwit who laughs at everything, and makes gross snorting noises while doing it.
I am listening to Aida.
Playing opera music and calling your strip act an "interpretive pole dance with trained pigeons" isn't going to fool anyone.
I had sausage with green tomato ketchup for breakfast.
That's not green tomato ketchup, that's your roommate's vomit from last night.
I'm chewing gum right now.
Amazing how you manage that with only three teeth. Isn't it more accurate to say that you're gumming your gum? Why are you hookers always chewing gum, anyway? You already look like a tramp, you really don't need any additional help.
I just came into some money.
If you are ever caught while stealing from those blue haired ladies at the Bingo parlor you'll go to jail....now give that money back, before someone checks the surveillance tape.
I can't decide what to wear today.
You haven't got much choice it's your prison stripes or in the buff.
I find it difficult to remember words to songs.
