Do you say "Give it to me, Julius!" when he throws up on you?
I have just cut a clump of hair of my cat's belly.
But putting it on your head, to cover your bald spot, just won't work, you jerk. It makes you look like even more of an idiot than you already were.
I really need to relax.
Why don't you try mixing some valium with alcohol?
I really need some new sneakers.
Yeah, you don't want to make too much noise while you're robbing the liquor store tonight -- again.
I'd like to have a massage.
Well just do like you usually do and dial 1-900-GAYMASSUESE.
I have something in my eye.
Probably the contact lens you thought you lost a month ago. Why don't you let the ward attendent check you over for other missing objects, he loves to do body cavity searches.
I hope the post office isn't crowded today.
If it is then just walk in with your offensive body odor and it will clear out quickly.
I'm gettin paid to watch the Super Bowl tomorrow.
You'll be the one sweeping the floor and collecting the empty bottles at the Sports Bar? I guess you'll get to glimpse the game, but I hope you don't get beer spilled all over you, like last year when you came home smelling like a brewery.
I've decided not to go out today.
The town is grateful.
I have started setting up for the big football game tomorrow...it'll be fantastic watching those miserable Seattle birds get their feathers plucked.
The Seahawks are going to win the Super Bowl. You heard it here first.
I hate it when people end a sentence with a preposition.
If only you were as concerned about your general hygiene.
I am going to cry tears of joy when the Steelers win tomorrow.
More like tears of flesh, even if they win, they'll never cover the spread.
I plan to go fishing tomorrow.
Playing Go Fish with your cellmate sounds like a good idea. You'd probably both be attacked by the other inmates if you went near the TV in the day-room tomorrow.
I never watch football.
Yeah, not since the last night game you went to, where you said, "Wonder what this switch does?," and shut off the all the lights on the field. Good going!
Kickycan thinks the Steelers are going to win. Poor Kickycan.
That's because Kickycan has a brain brainless.
The Steelers are going to kick ass!
Yours I hope.
I will not be watching the Super Bowl.
After last years disaster, the Chief of Staff at the insane asylum realized you patients can't see the game without problems.
I have purchased extree snacks for the game.
Any excuse for a binge, huh!
I am going out to see my friend in the hospital.
If they know you're on the way they may rally long enough to escape.
It's a lovely day here...but a little too springlike.
Nothing ever satisfies you does it, you miserable complainer. How can you even stand your own company?
What's the big deal about watching a bunch of guys trying to run with a weird shaped ball?
