Telling you you're a lousy, rotten, lying, cheating cad, no doubt.
This coffee is delicious!
Makes a change from the bread and water you get in the lock up.
I saw a merlin tonight.
You also saw all the colors of the rainbow thanks to that super-powered mushroom you ingested.
They said it might snow a little on Sunday.
Another excuse for staying inside doing nothing.
98 days without rain in Phoenix.
You must be looking pretty shrivelled-up by now!
30 days WITH rain here...
ME shriveled? You must look pretty pruney at this point.
I may give up sweets.
You should also give up lying, cheating, sweating, farting, breathing your foul breath on everyone, and LIVING.
This muffin is fantastic.
That muffin has been stale and tasteless for at least a week. All the pot you've been smoking makes everything seem to taste good. If the munchies keep up much longer your XXX sized clothes won't even fit.
I am going to steam some shrimp for dinner.
That shrimp is the first person who has given you a second look in decades so stop speaking so poorly of him....he is height challenged, not a shrimp.
My pipe tobacco is not lighting well this evening.
Why don't you just smoke this turd I just pulled from my ass? You know you want it, beeyatch!
I am so happy that my Steelers are in the SUPER BOWL!!!
The Squeelers will choke like the last time they went to the Super Bowl. If we were in Atlantic City, I'd make book on it.
I'm trying to drink more water.
Have the neighborhood kids been calling you "Prune Face" again? Don't you like looking like a Shar Pei?
I have to pack up a birthday gift.
Take your time, their birthday was three months ago. Why rush now?
I'm listening to some jazz music.
That's actually the sound of one hand clapping...your neighbor is slapping you for stealing her lingerie.
I skipped lunch today.
Skip dinner too. You're so fat that the floors vibrate when you walk into a room.
I bought a vacuum for my keyboard.
Hopefully you'll suck up all the keys so you can't use it anymore.
I have a new mouse!
I don't know why you need one, your house is rat-infested.
I am watchin the Sports Channel.
Actually what you are watching is a piece of cardboard taped to your mirror, where you have written the Sports Channel with a red crayon.
I was awakened early today by a cat outside my window.
Attracted by the rat inside, no doubt.
I'm going to drive to Oxford this afternoon.
No you won't. That broken down heap of a car will never make it around the block.
Someone gave me some delicious Orange Bread.
