The cat's apparently accomplished more than you have.
I need to help out a relative.
The best help you can offer is by leaving town immediately...they don't need your sort around.
My nephew just told me he won a scholarship to Princeton.
What an accomplishment coming from your background!
I need a new car.
You need a new life.
I like to look through catalogs.
Does Extreme Makeover have a catalog nowadays?
I found a dead crow today.
Did you enjoy your crow stew?
I like to hit baseballs.
Let's face it you like to hit anything you thug.
I feel like a beer.
Yes, wet, frothy and gassy.
I need a new holdall.
Is that the cart you push around the street containing all of your belongings? Just steal another one, that's what you did last time.
I think I will have wine with dinner.
I guess you'll hide the empty bottle under the bed with all the other ones.
I'm going to wash my face now.
That won't improve it.
I am going to relax tomorrow and play my guitar.
Too bad you can't carry a tune
I want my hair to grow longer
Most baldies say that.
I am having organic Welsh roast lamb for dinner tomorrow.
Yeah, I hate lambs that have been sprayed with pesticides.
After I washed my face, I put on a pore-cleansing mask. I have to leave it on for five minutes.
It only takes 45 seconds for everybody else
I will be checking my lottery numbers in a few minutes
That ticket you found in the gutter was out of date 4 months ago.
I think spring is just around the corner.
Being disoriented for time is a sure sign of senility.
I had a great night's sleep.
No wonder with what you drink.
We are tossing the caber this afternoon, along with some hammer throwing.
That means you'll be spending the night in the rubber room again, with an extra large dose of Haldol. The staff has warned you about such antics.
I got a free sample of a cereal bar with my Sunday paper.
The shopkeeper thought you looked undernourished again.
I think I will win the hammer throwing.
