Not surprising--- it's easier to catch rodents at night.
Quiet in here, isn't it?
Yes, I can almost hear your nose running.
I need a new screensaver.
The mosquitoes keep getting through the holes in your old one.
I'd be wittier if I had gotten more sleep last night.
Those new thigh-boots brought you some extra customers, eh?
I'm going birding this weekend.
Now that's a little too much information. ya keep your bird to yourself!
off to buy new, smaller jeans!
So your boyfriend bought the last pair as a gift?
I have a headache.
I see you are using your usual method of birth control...
I don't know what to make for dinner.
Reservations. Show yourself some mercy.
Aren't these eyeglasses stylish?
Edit:
Removed
I don't know what to make for dinner.
(Chorus from your starveling kids) "How about a phone call to the pizza place?"
Added:
Aren't these eyeglasses stylish?
No.
I'm studying for a certification exam.
How do you "study" to be a garbage collector?
I'm having my house painted next week.
Covering up all of the instances of "pedophile" scrawled on the walls?
My in-laws are coming for a visit.
Which of your ex's are they the parents of?
I've just started reading the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.
...and your lips are tired already.
Soon it will be Halloween.
The one day of the year you can go out without your mask.
I've got hammer toes.
Switch back to men's shoes; those stiletto heels weren't doing much for you, anyway.
Where did the time go?
More blackouts?
I expect to win an Oscar someday.
For best impersonation of a human being?
I need to put new batteries in my smoke detector.
Just don't use the ones from your vibrator, they don't work either.
My computer is flaky.
Just like it's owner.
I think dark chocolate is good for the heart.
