Wassamatter Ralphy? Sick of the truth?
My grandma just turned 101.
Bet she looks a whole lot better than you do!
My kitchen floor needs washing.
Surprised you can even see it, covered as it is with mouse droppings and old plastic bags.
I've just watched an old episode of 'Jeeves and Wooster'.
Start with the shovel to get all the grease up
I'm going on vacation
You're too slow to go on vacation - look how long it took you to post that gem, not even punctuated! Your vacation will have finished by the time you get round to it.
I like Jeeves and Wooster.
Well neither one of them can stand you.
I went out and did a whole slew of errands before and took care of a lot of things that needed to be done.
It's nice to see that even the "challenged" can accomplish something.
I'm making some chicken salad.
That's a good idea, chunky ass.
I really hope my new apartment doesn't have roaches.
Well, it does now that you've moved in.
I'm watching "House" on USA.
Not for long, the cable company just found out you're illegally using their service. Since your television set is also stolen, they'll be watching you at the "big house" soon.
I bought new snow boots.
I hope you use them to go a long hike it'll keep you out of our hair for a while.
I'm going to a jazz concert tonight.
How nice that the senior citizens' Swingers band will be entertaining at your asylum tonight. Is it part of your music therapy?
I just heard a tremendous clap of thunder.
That's what you get trying to park your car when you're drunk, you've just ran into a wall.
I think I get better looking as I get older.
That's because your eyesight is failing and you can't see what you look like.
I really don't want it to snow tonight.
Yeah, it could be chilly out in the open.
The pub I had lunch in was very pretty.
Compared to the dumpster that you normally eat from?
I have started swimming.
And you flooded everything with all that splashing around in your bathtub.
I am watching an "All in the Family" marathon.
That doesn't surprise me, meathead.
A month from today will be Valentine's Day.
Your not likely to get a mention then.
She has a beautiful cleavage.
Thank you!
I'm wearing my favorite perfume.
