Soup kitchen ran out of cereal and eggs?
I have an unexpected day off tomorrow.
Um...that's not what your boss meant when he said "don't come in tomorrow".
I am thinking of moving to Los Angeles.
The police will find you there. Why not just turn yourself in and beg for mercy.
I just had some enormous strawberries.
We don't need to know about your sexual proclivities.
I'm listening to Vaughan Williams's Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis.
I hope today's music therapy session calms you enough so they don't have to put you back in the Quiet Room tonight.
I love taking an afternoon nap.
Most obese people your age do.
I love going to bed.
Most shiftless lazy people your age do.
I just had some baklava I got as a gift.
The the donor hoped you had a nut allergy.
I prefer receiving gifts than giving them.
Since you live on handouts, that's just as well.
I haven't looked at the Sunday paper yet.
You mean you have not found a discarded one.
The dog is barking now.
There is no dog. If you'd take your meds those hallucinations would stop.
I haven't tried my new camera yet.
Don't let anybody take your picture with it, or it will end up broken like the rest.
I have new neighbours, they are naturists.
Summer should be fun.
You shouldn't get out of bed quickly, it scares the livestock.
I'm wearing a new skirt.
I know, you look very obese in it.
I like women in suspenders.
No, those are straitjackets the women around you are wearing, just like the one you have on.
I need to change the water filter on my sink.
Has 30 years gone by already?
I like shrimp cocktails.
Is that why you're using a shrimp for a swizzle stick in your martini?
Lovers never lose. They are free!
Free? So how come you and your loser lover are both doing time for embezzlement? Well, I guess you do have a lot of free time in your cell...
I've been sneezing this morning.
Too much cocaine again I see.
Must go to the DMV this morning.
Plan on walking home--they're revoking your license because you're such a lousy driver.
I might be going on a trip.
