Life in prison can be very monotonous.
I spent too much money on Christmas gifts.
Now you just need to find friends to give them to.
Sorry firefly
I love 80s music!!
....and it SO goes with your hairstyle!
I've just been Christmas shopping.
Did the Queen on your banknotes need little sunglasses when you cracked open your wallet?
I MUST clean my house.
You better not. The filth is the only thing holding it up!
I'd like a new HDTV for Christmas.
Since you don't have indoor plumbing or electricity, what on earth would you do with it?
Why not ask Santa for the basics, like a toilet you can flush?
I have been wrapping some Christmas gifts.
Try not to use all the toilet paper this time.
I bought some vegetarian chicken salad at the health food store.
That's chicken feed...I do wish you would learn to read.
I got a hat today.
Found one that was big enough, then?
I've just stoked up the fire.
Yes, it's good to have a fire in that trash can near your cardboard box under the bridge...uh, oh...set your cardboard house on fire again.
I am thinking of getting a new saw.
Why don't you take up a normal musical instrument, like everyone else?
Several years ago, I got drunk one night and tried to call Paul McCartney.
I bet you got "no reply".
My knee is creaking a bit today.
That's not your knee it's your...well there are ladies around so I wont spell it out.
I am considering writing my memoirs.
Blimey....that was over ten minutes ago. I bet you've finished them by now.
My dog keeps coming in and bothering me.
Keep ignoring the little creature and soon you will have a new puddle to step in, although this time you will not have made it.
I am looking forward to the after Christmas sales.
Yes.....XXL items are usually a great bargain, as everyone else finds them too large.
We have got 14 people coming for dinner.
Soup kitchen is busy today, hope you can elbow your way into the line.
I have misplaced my postage stamps.
I thought you usually just drew the stamp on the envelope.
Once a guy at a bar told me he bought me a drink coz' he liked my breasts and my legs.
He was a cannibal and impressed by all the fatty flesh, knowing it would feed his village for a week.
I just had new carpet put in on my dining room floor.
To hide all the pee stains no doubt.
I have the strongest back in the world.
