The lawn mower's just not doing the job?
I like to wrap Christmas presents.
And, since you're too cheap to buy wrapping paper, it lets you find a use for all your old newspapers.
I keep forgetting to buy Christmas cards.
thats because no one sends you card.
I sent out all my Christmas cardsd
Yes, but you forgot to put stamps on them, so don't expect any replies.
I found the perfect Christmas gift today.
A shopping cart with one wobbly will for your self. How nice.
Smells like a mouse died in here.
One probably did. The stench and pollution in your place probably killed it.
My kitchen is very cold.
Not unlike your personality.
I like rusty spoons.
So that's how your teeth got so brown.
I did a good deed today.
You put a bag on your head?
My eyes are like mountain pools.
cess pools
I make jello with raw pineapple.
Most people use geletin.
I like Sprite over ice.
And then you stick it up your ass.
My muscles are enormous.
to compensate for your brain
I slept in until 6 this morning
After going to bed at noon yesterday. Cats sleep less than you.
I wnt for a climb in the mountains yesterday.
and it took them five hours to find you
I look cool in my sunglasses
But you still act like a complete dork.
I'm a really good dancer.
Is that what they're calling it now?
They call me Mellow Yellow
So you're named after a vibrator?
(seriously, you do know that's what that song is about, don't you?)
I haven't smoked in almost a year.
And the last place you can stick the patches is where u need to put the soothing lotion
I have finally left school.
Not bad.....it only took you thirty two years.
I'm just waking up.
