You're as fat as a pig already so why worry.
I think I'll have a ham sandwich.
To top off the 5 cheesburgers, 3 rib roasts and 24 beers you've already had?
Fox news talks a lot of crap.
Your family's in the news again, eh?
I like the new diet cherry pepsi.
Yeah, having the diet version really saves you a lot of calories when you have it with an entire cheesecake. No wonder you still look like the side of a barn.
I don't want to have to shovel snow tomorrow.
You can't even whine right. "I don't want to have to shovel snow tomorrow.
I scraped ice off the windshield yesterday.
Glad your boss is finding you work that suits your mental abilities.
I have been finding some wonderful bargains.
The snot-green shoes from Goodwill were a terrific bargain, eh?
My mother gets all upset when I'm behind the wheel.
Could it be because you keep trying to start the car by putting the ignition key into the cigarette lighter outlet?
I am too tired to finish my work tonight.
A hundred customers a night is rather a lot have you thought of servicing them in pairs.
My family's coming down today I'd better tidy the house.
Don't forget to move the pigs into the other sty.
Our office Xmas party is tonight.
Hope you don't repeat what you did last year in your drunken stupor and they had to call in the police..
I am enjoying retirement so far.
You should get one of those walkers with wheels, and see if you enjoy it even more.
My cut is getting a little better.
That's because your hand fell off from the infection.
Great news the local cigar shop is going out of business.
Isn't that the place that had you arrested for indecent exposure? Nasty of you to hold a grudge.
I've got to start wrapping some gifts.
Don't you mean re-writing the gift tags from the gifts you stole from the orphan's home?
My neighbor is going skiing this weekend.
more than likely its to get away from you.
the beauty of the desert-no snow
The beauty of the desert for all of us...no you!
My brother called from New York, says it's cold there too.
Your mother must be so proud of you two homeless bums.
I am watching Martha Stewart bake some cookies.
While stuffing your face with the 10th box of Oreos for the day.
My stomach is slightly knotted.
That's because your belt's three sizes too small, fatso.
I need something to cheer me up.
