Have you tried paying your phone bill?
My refrigerator isn't working properly.
go inside and close the door. see if it works then.
im giving people ornaments for christmas
Stolen of course from the base Christmas tree.
I should have put on the thermal underwear today.
walking around town naked again. Haven't you been arrested enough?
I'm watching a cheesey bond movie
Wrong again Ralph...you're watching two mice bond while moving your cheese sandwich.
I have been warned that carolers may be traipsing down the street this evening.
and you still with out underwear on.
I think I'll have a cup of coffee left over from this morning
So you're finally coming out of that drug induced stupor eh?
I think I will wear my red sweater tomorrow.
Better not. You may be mistaken for the side of a barn.
I am driving to South Carolina tomorrow.
Your neighbors will be happy about that, in fact they're having a party Friday night into Sunday.
I love when little children stare at my beard in wonderment.
They're wondering why the birds eggs don't fall out
I am in desperate need of inspiration.
Try standing on the toilet while singing the Star Spangled Banner like you usually do,
My career is taking off.
You were promoted from sweeping to mopping?
I keep forgetting to have my car inspected.
it won't pass and why is a paranoid schyzo driving?
I have an ingrown toe nail
So that's what makes you walk like a monkey.
Everytime I look in a mirror I think how good looking I am.
That's because you never wear your glasses and can't see what you look like.
I'm late for work.
Having trouble finding the remote control for another hard day on the sofa?
A little later I must go to the dry cleaners.
those wrinkles in your body are there to stay
I need more books to read
Have you finished the Dr Seuss book your mother bought you in 1977?
I need to find a home for a stray dog.
Yeah I heard the pound threw you out.
I am fighting my urge to eat a box of Mallomars
You couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag
I can't find my watch
