Have you tried switching them on?
Wish I could stop smoking
Oh, cigarette smoke. I thought that effluvia was coming from your nether region.
I just made a great beef stew.
If you consider rotten veggies and vermin-tainted beef "great".
I just shined my shoes.
What you did was wet yourself again...wish you'd learn to get to the bathroom, now you have to mop the floor.
Hangnails are really bad on my fingers lately.
Why don't you shine your tongue while you're at it?
I'm off to bed.
by yourself more than likely. And we realy don't need the details.
gotta see the Dr in a couple days
Ignored.
I wasn't as sharp as usual today.
dumber than a box of hair
wish i could cut down on the alcohol
We all wish you would then you wouldn't be such a pain in the backside.
I'm going to a stag night tonight.
is it men only? of course, the only reason your going.
what should i have for dinner tonight
It depends how quick you can get to the garbage cans.
I'm cleaning my house today.
Has 20 years gone by already? Don't forget to wear your gas mask.
I have to attend a Christmas party today.
Have they hired you to clean up after the reindeer?
I might be able to finish my Christmas shopping today.
I'm surprised you haven't been caught already, your shoplifting technique must be improving.
It's pouring with rain in Wales and I have to go out drinking, oh well.
When you're ****-faced drunk does it matter if it's raining or not?
It's getting colder here in Phoenix, AZ.
Does that mean it's in the 60's ... wuss?
It's 10 degrees where I live.
It's even COLDER outside your cardboard box, I'll bet.
My dinner is almost ready.
How long does it take to open a can of Alpo.
I feel very lethargic.
You'll perk up when the effects of that pound of marijana wear off.
I went hiking in the mountains at sunrise.
translation: I walked up two steps in 4 hours looking at the neon bar sign.
my phone doesn't work
