That wasn't oatmeal, you idiot, it was wallpaper paste you ate.
I just can't seem to wake up this morning.
Perhaps if you didn't smoke so much weed you'd be more alert.
My computer seems sluggish today.
Are you trying to turn the discussion to your bowel habits again, you weirdo? Try drinking prune juice and your own downloading might speed up. But spare us the details.
I want to win the lottery.
try getting a job so you could at least by a ticket.
Time to set up the christmas tree
Are you up to the mental challenge of taping the little paper tree to the wall? Need any instructions on how to use a tape dispenser?
I just had a delicious healthful salad.
Three pounds of chopped meat mixed with mayo does not constitute a "salad".
I had a nice healthy 1/2 pound cheeseburger for lunch.
You mean you had a nice healthy dose of artery clogging cholesterol. I can hear the blood vessels in your brain starting to snap--not that you'd notice.
Dark chocolate is good for the heart. I have some for medicinal purposes.
The medical report meant a piece or 2 occasionally not 5 pounds per day.
I am listening to a nice Merle Haggard album right now.
thats an oxymoron from a moron
it only took me 20 minutes to set um my charlie brown Christmas tree
My four year old nephew did his in 10 minutes. And he did it without any cursing and swearing.
I'm going to bed now.
alone, I suspect.
I am wearing sandals.
You sure are--and nothing else. That makes your third arrest this year for indecent exposure.
I need to buy some new boots.
You also need a bath...perhaps getting rid of that crack pipe will help to solve both problems.
The weather forecast is for a big snowfall within the week...hope they're right.
Hoping it will give you another excuse to miss work, you lazy bum?
I hate shoveling snow.
it must be because it reminds you of the flakes that fall from your head when you scratch the bugs you have.
I wont worry about snow at all this winter
That's because you'll be spending the winter in prison.
I'd like to live in a better climate.
Does it really matter what the climate when you live (Chris Farley impersonation) IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!??
Stalin was a good man.
Compared to you all men are good.
I am thinking about getting a new cell phone.
why? nobody calls you and your not smart enough to make prank phone calls.
I'm thinking about taking an IQ test on line.
Save yourself the trouble, I doubt the scores go down as low as yours.
I am thinking about making a big change in my life.
