You sure are, you're eating an entire dinner for six.
I like my clothes to be comfortable.
Elastic waists and tents, I suppose.
I am having a heart-to-heart on MSN with my son's girlfriend.
She doesn't want to have to look at you?
Today is garbage day
Going to collect all you can find? Well, at least you have a hobby.
I don't drink enough water.
Most insects don't.
My car needs freon.
Correction, your car needs compacting.
I shouldn't have had Malibu in that orange juice at lunch time.
You're thinking you should've stuck with your regular vodka? What a lush!
My car needs a new stereo.
The stereo is fine, you're so drunk you keep turning on the heater by mistake.
I love fresh peaches.
So do worms.
My car needs new brakes and tires.
Somebody wants you dead, you moron! Isn't this the umpteenth time you've "had" to replace them - Sheesh, get a clue!
I'm not having a yard sale today after all.
No one will come within three feet of you, eh?
I'm drinking diet cherry-vanilla Dr. Pepper.
How long have you had this problem?
It rained here today
Did you go on a bender again?! You're in the shower with your clothes on!
It rained here too, but now it's sunny.
Good for you! You have learned how to identify changes in the weather. Now, for your next lesson, repeat after me, "At night it is dark, in the daytime it is light".
My fax machine has been giving me a hard time.
If you'd stop doing those nasty perverted things to it, it MIGHT work properly (though it'll probably be scarred for life!)
I'm tired.
Probably because you have been at your keyboard for the past 16½ hours.
I haven't had lunch yet and it is 2 PM
You could stand to go on a fast!
I haven't either! Shall we break for lunch?!
All you have done is sit at your keyboard for 16½ hours and already you want lunch?
I think I will have a ham and swiss
In your case, that means an entire ham, and probably half the food supply of Switzerland.
I nibbled, but I didn't eat lunch.
No wonder your nails are looking ragged.
I made lasagne for my lads and girlfriend tonight.
