By all means go shave your legs, and this time do your thighs as well. All those little tufts poking out of the bottom of your shorts looked like you had crazed hamsters stuffed in there.
I am going to fight a parking ticket I got.
That hardly seems like a fair fight. You should make it get drunk first so it doesn't hurt you too badly.
I prosecute parking tickets all the time. (BTW: What's your defense?)
That figures--because if you prosecuted humans you'd never win a case.
My defense is that the timer in the meter was running over an hour too fast.
(I put in 6 hours worth of coins, but the meter apparently expired in about 5 hours, judging from the time on the ticket).
Your defense sucks.
(Assuming the meter clearly indicates it's only a 5 hour meter. Otherwise it's very unlikely the court will consider your statement that you "should" have had more time than you got. I've never lost facing that defense. Have you subpoenaed any records the municipality might have that shows the meter is in good working condition? Might not hurt. Good luck.)
Putting on my shin guards right now.
Got a date with Bill Clinton?
Sometimes I'm naughty, and sometimes I'm nice.
You just want to be spanked, don't you?
It's Friday!
Which means that after today I get a weekend break from looking at your ugly mug.
There is nobody at the office today... they're all at the State Fair.
All trying to win the "Best Cheese" category, no doubt.
I like cheese.
Most rats do.
I just sent some faxes to my office.
You're so dumb you probably mailed them.
I find today to be gorgeous.
I guess one benefit of having a failed law practice is that it gives you lots of time to feed the pigeons in the park and ogle the girls in short shorts. At least you are good at being a lazy bum.
I like to keep up with the news.
Having a subscription to the Wacky World News hardly qualifies as such.
I'd like to go to the park today ... but I have to work.
Your wife told you no more sex until you clean out the garage? Poor baby.
The pigeons will have to wait while you are being henpecked.
I need some new hobbies.
How about indulging in arrant nonsense? You already have plenty of experience.
I must go and greet my son's Greek friend.
You slut, do you always sleep with your son's friends to welcome them?
The heat is really getting to me.
Take off the straitjacket, it can't hurt once in a while.
I'm going to watch a programme about badly behaved children.
Looking to get some pointers, are you?
I've been chewing my pen all afternoon.
As long as you don't swallow it, like last time.
I had half of a chicken salad sandwich for lunch
Don't pretend you are dieting, that half a sandwich was half of a 6 footer. Five other people went hungry because you ate their lunch, tubby.
I watched "Scent of a Woman" yesterday.
Did it teach you something about deodorisation?
I've just cooked 9 sausages, 9 rashers of bacon, 9 eggs and countless beans and mushrooms, I feel like a short-order chef.
