Duh! You posted next to Gus!
I just adore musical theatre.
You'd never make it, your lack of talent is only exceeded in pungency by your bodily odour.
I might go and see a few people today.
Who? Your parole officer and your bookie?
I wish I were going out to the movies tonight.
I'm sorry dear, the warden has cancelled movie night tonight. Maybe you could stay in your cell and knit yourself a nice escape ladder.
I love to laugh.
If I had to look at your face in the mirror, I'd be laughing too.
I just fed my dog.
(erm firefly, according to the slang of my home country, you just complemented me. To be laughing is to be happy, as in "laughing all the way to the bank". Now about your dog...)
No no no. Food goes in the other end!
I'd lose my head if it weren't screwed on.
You always were pretty good at getting screwed.
There is nothing good on television tonight.
Try getting off it and turning it on.
I've eaten too much chocolate.
Is that what's smeared all over your face, or did you fall face first in a pile of ****?
Just got back from driving mom to her friends house.
There, see. It's not so hard! I'm sure if you try really hard, you could get a friend too!
Siting here quietly.
Sitting there quietly, troubled thoughts whirling in your little pinhead brain... "Did I spell "sitting" properly. It is one "t" , isn't it?"
There is a turkey vulture perched on my tractor exhaust.
Yeah, I hear they are taking bets down at the VFW as to which of you two old buzzards is going to be supper tonight...
I think my cat is in heat.
I'm glad someone in your house is in heat. Your flame went out after Elvis died.
I have a flamingo tattooed on my ass.
You better watch out, one day that donkey is gonna get you for that, among the other things the two of you did that night..... Bad, bad Gus!
I'm really rather fond of my own reflection.
(P.S. I would edit, but that would just spoil your poor little joke now, wouldn't it)
Yes, we all know that you're full of yourself.
Looking out the window at the ocean, I see that it's high tide.
It is nice that you are in a jail with an ocean view.
I think scrambled eggs make a great breakfast.
I thought scrambled eggs gave you gas.
I have to go to bed.
Why, do you have another "customer" waiting?
I need a new car.
Why, did you total another one?
I just woke up.
