so youre feeling down...
jane, you ignorant slut
i felt just like a little boy this morning
That's because you wet your bed last night.
I have to weed my garden.
I'm sure your nether regions could use a hedge clipping.
My skin is dry today.
Matches your brain.
Life has its rewards.
Is this about your pet turtle -- again?
I was born in February
Makes sense that you were born in the shortest month ... shrimp.
Gotta run to the store.
"Run" for you is "crawl" to the average person.
People who make fun of my pet turtle are not going to heaven.
Who died and made you god, you egotistical maniac!
I'm tired of working long days.
Then why did you give up your night job?
I cut the grass today
Get some better kneepads.
I rebuilt an engine today.
Did you ever figure out where all of the extra parts go?
I'm gonna check my lottery numbers now
Don't bother. You got nothing, as usual.
One of these days, I'm gonna really make my mark in this town.
What are you going to do? Pee on a fire hydrant?
I just finished a cup of coffee
I bet it tasted better when you had the first sip on Wednesday.
I am going to get a cold drink
Lucky for you the drinking fountain around the corner at the park is working.
I got a good workout tonight.
Just so you know, wacking off for two hours is not a workout.
I'm going to an all-day concert tomorrow.
Going down to the Salvation Army to watch the lady smack her tambourine?
I am not getting enough sleep.
You'll get some when you come down from that cocaine bender.
The neighbors cut down a nasty ugly tree this week. Yay.
Aren't you aware it fell on your house, you idiot?
Today is going to be wonderful.
Especially after you take your happy pill!
I'm gonna take a nap.
