Questions Game

I've lived in Oz for 14 years now, but everyone says that my english still has an chinese accent to it - people over the phone who have never met me before can tell I'm not an australian born person. I guess its because I still speak cantonese and mandarin where possible - I'd like to keep my original language in memory.

When did you move to the UK?

I came here last September.


Did you know I have a friend here who is also Chinese and from Australia. He is such a nice person. He's a doctor in the A&E here - his family owns two Chinese restaurants in Australia. He's very anxious to go back, which he will do in about six months.

Do you envision ever living anyplace other than Australia?

Oh yes!! Very much - europe is my first and last dream destination. I don't care where. It could be the UK, it could be denmark or holland or italy etc etc. Anywhere so long as its there. I really don't know why.

Could I ask why you moved to the UK?

It's a really complicated story-but I guess I can tell you. My husband, who I am separated from - is a doctor. He got an opportunity to work over here which he really wanted to do. But he did not want to be separated by such a distance from his children. He asked me to move with the children to the UK. As we are still legally married - I was able to do so on his visa. I have taken a leave of absence from my job in the US to be here- initially for two years - but maybe longer. I like it so much more than I thought I would - that I sometimes think I would really like to stay long enough to gain citizenship. That is a real option now - as I have been approved to work myself here in my chosen profession. So it was just a real shot in the dark - someone asked me to do something and I did it - and I'm so happy that I did.


Have you ever had a situation like that in your life - where you just took a huge chance and it paid off?

I can't say I have - I am still pretty young to be faced with choices such as yours. I'm sorry I asked that question - it seems pretty personal but thank you for sharing it with me. I think a huge personal issue I have faced would be my parents marriage - divorce than married, then divorced and married again - too each other. It was crazy and I think it has scared me off from marriage for a while. But hey, I'm still young.

So do you live with your children only?

Yes. I'm very aware that marital discord is very difficult on children. A huge part of the reason I agreed to come is because I didn't want to make anything harder on my children which it would have been if they had been so far from their dad - who, by the way, is a really good dad and whom they love desperately. Fortunately - we are all really happy and thriving here- so it has worked out well for everyone. But sometimes, for me, the uncertainty of everything just gets hard to handle and makes me sad. We haven't gotten divorced because neither one of us is ready to take that step yet. We still really love each other as people and neither of us has had a relationship with anyone else so... who knows. But yeah, my first priority is my kids.

Who do you live with?

My father and my grandmother. My mum is in HK but comes to visit twice a year. I don't miss her...I don't think I even really love her. But I love my dad fiercly - he had to give up everything so we could come here - a good job, chances to promotions - he loved HK but he couldn't stand it after the divorce and the marriages - and also I couldn't live in the HK atmosphere due to my asthma. I'm loyal to my father and sometimes I hate my mother for what she has done to him. Unlike your husband, she was a horrible mother. I really don't know what kind of mother I would be like to my kids (if any) because I've never had a mother fiqure in my life. But I do know what kind of husband and father I want for my kids.

If you love your husband, do you think you two can get back together again?

Wow - that all sounds very complicated. Don't really get the whole picture - but I'm sorry you had such a rotten mom. That's really tough.


I don't know - my initial reaction is to say no. I've been involved in a relationship of one sort or another for a really long time. I'm kind of enjoying having other options-even though I haven't done anything else. It's just the knowledge inside that I have now that the future is open. I like that. I will always have a loving relationship with my husband (affectionate/ not sexual) but I don't think I think marriage is necessary in my life anymore. I was always a little hesitant of it - and I think I like feeling free more than I like feeling fenced in, to tell you the truth. It was hard to come to that realization - but I think it's the truth for me.

Do you think marriage is necessary for your happiness?

It depends. Some girls I know (my age) feel as though they belong in the kitchen with a husband and kids - you know the very traditional type of woman and wife. It reminds me of the phrase, "Woman know your place!" Personally - as in my case - I don't need marriage to be happy, but then again if I do meet the man of my dreams and I know I can spend the rest of my life with him - I would marry him. I can't defacto, I don't know why. I really believe in the phrase one life one love so maybe that's related somehow.

How old were you when you got married?

I was 24 - too young- for me anyway. I knew when I did it - it would be hard for me. But he had already asked me like five or six times and as I wanted to be with him - I said yes, because I was afraid he would get sick of my hesitancy and leave. It hasn't been all bad. We're just two very independent, strong minded people. He likes to work all the time - and I need to feel free - bottom line. Probably neither one of us should have married anyone - but I'm glad we did - we have two amazing children who wouldn't be here otherwise.

What age do you think is a good age to get married?

I agree that 24 may have been young - I know I can't get married at that age (am 20 right now) because:

1) I don't have a boyfriend (never had one)
2) I like to think that I am a career woman more than a marrying woman, especially at an age that young.

Even 30 something years old may be too early for me (and my chinese family would gasp at that in shock ). Maybe before my 40s would be a better age.

Did you marry him for love or more just fear that he would go away, do you think?

That's a very perceptive question. Both. He is an amazing person. He is very kind and patient and used to be incredibly funny before he got all bogged down in his career and got all tired and preoccupied from working all the time. At the same time, I really admire his diligence and dedication. His patients absolutely love him - and he is a very good doctor. There's no question, I love a lot of his qualities and I very definitely wanted to be with him - but I also probably went ahead and got married because part of me was afraid he would leave if I didn't. So, yeah, there was some "fear" involved with the decision to get married.


I am so confused now. Are you not at all who I think you are? (You better tell the truth...)!

Oh ... I'm not sure who you thought I was but I am a Chinese girl in Australia, a law student.

(I'm sorry, I find your last post quite funny, I'm , very amused at the moment.)

Did I give you a different impression, somehow?

This is all too funny. Pragmatic - whoever you are - I like talking to you. You're a great listener. I don't know where I got the impression you might be someone else - probably just general paranoia from knowing the games people play on this forum. But anyway - whoever you are - you're a sweetheart. I would like us to be friends - and maybe if I can ever get rid of the suspiciousness that this forum has taught me I need to have - which I want you to know - was never part of my personality before -we can. Next time - we'll talk about your issues, okay?

Sure ok...to tell you the truth, I had a feeling that you thought I was spendius and extra medium < > - I remember reading one of your posts in reply to Spendius - you said something like, "Your pragmatic side...your extra medium side..." and I couldn't quite figure if you were using pragmatic as my name or as the adjective. But I guarantee you aidan, I am indeed a proud chinese girl - you can read my profile. :wink:

So I'll see you around here some other time then?

Most definitely. I did read your profile and I like it. It's great to be so proud of who you are. See ya later - Aidan

Last Q
So I'll see you around here some other time then?

I expect so.

Why not?

Just a passing goodbye comment - so here's one to you:

hello and how are you?

Hello yourself upside down charmer.I'm okay.Looking forward to another daft Sunday.

Is it Sat or Mon there?

Its neither - Here in Queensland, its rather Sunday at 7:40 pm night time. Its cold and dark and the night time animals are all out looking for food.

Where are you?