Questions Game

The one that exudes from their pores.

Do you like men who have patted stringent aftershaves into their scraped chins?

Only if it smells devine.


If you had a parrot, what would you teach it to say?

**** off.

Should you ever meet Bill Gates, what would you say to him?

Thank Bill!You're a genius.

Can you eat a pomegranate with a pin?

I can, but I prefer spooning those little pearls out onto a wedge of home made bread with Irish butter
and devouring them with finesse!

Have you ever tried pomegranate in porridge?

I never tried porridge.

Have you tried licking chocolate on the nice slopes of a lady's butts?

B. Soir Francis.

Yes and from her breasts and mound of venus it is indeed a pleasant way to enjoy the confectionery as well.

Have you ever bathed a beautiful woman in milk ?

No I haven't actually.Poppea Sabina was addicted to that and the bloke who provided it for her stabbed himself in the throat when he found out he had been sentenced to being beaten with rods until he expired with a leather strap tightened round his head until his eyes popped out.

What's a beautiful woman?

You won't find any in Yorkshire Spendi!


Do you ever feel a stirring of the loins when Nora Battie walks down your street?

I daresay I might under certain highly refined circumstances.

Do you watch soaps?

Sometimes I do but only in my bathroom...

Which things do you in your bathroom other than ablutions?

I clean my jewellery.

Are diamonds still a girl's best friend?

I'm not sure...not mine but maybe.

What is your favorite gem?

Soaps ! ! Bloody soaps Spendius, they are the most revolting form of simple minded television entertainment I have ever come across in my life. The disastrous effects they have on men, women, juveniles and even children are quite obvious in todays society. If I had my way, they would be banned and the perpetrators of such idiotic meanderings would be publicly stripped, humiliated and severely thrashed on a Sunday afternoon on Heaton Park, with the complete event being televised.

I neither like nor watch soaps.

Have I made myself clear?

Not really although you have made yourself look daft and a mite out of tune with modern life.

Do you grumble a lot?

Only when people skip my question to answer one from a page back.

What is your favorite gem?

One of Frank Harris's little stories.

What would you do if you found a handsome young man/woman hiding in your garage with a bag containing a million dollars in used notes?

I may look daft to your feeble mind 'Old chap' but the crap broadcast onto the screens of millions is a good deal responsible for the decline in respect, manners, law and order and decency in general. Perhaps this is exactly what they want. I rarely grumble Spendius, grumbling is for people who cannot do, and I do not fall into that category.

Do you sup your pint nonchalantly whilst the thug is swearing at the landlady and then grumble about it when he leaves?

No.I egg him on.She needs taking down a peg or two.She's got right uppity lately.

What time do the pubs close where you live?

2 am, but they're looking into an ordinance which will allow them to stay open til 4am, but not serve alcohol - I suppose to let the drunks dry out, but as for me, it's two more hours of dancin'! (At least it would have been before kids!)

Have you resolved to do anything different this year?