Will he come back to me

That's why part of me thinks I can do better ..... He even admitted he was being cruel and being a coward and I deserved better but I at least thought I deserved an explanation and a talking to before he "ran" away. But hey the heart wants what it wants doesn't it

There's something to be said for relying on yourself for self-validation. You don't need him to validate your feelings.

the whole happily ever-after ...was a fantasy he helped to foster...getting married...house, kids...dog...that he helped create...because he knew what would please you. He was raised to please people and not Search for what were his real needs...his own needs.

He come up short and he knows it. Real commitment is everything. Talk is cheap. So far, he talked a good game until it came down to the real nitty-gritty.

You need to meet with him - and split up that joint bank account NOW.

You can always start up with him later - WHEN he demonstrates he is ready to take care of himself and a wife. He does not sound like he's ready to accept all the responsibility.

Both of you may be "late bloomers" - that's OK - but he also sounds like he has a depressive temperament. Watch that carefully.

Before you marry a man, he should pass the "C" test - Car, Casa (house), Credit Cards, Commitment and (i'll let you figure out the last one)

Can you elaborate on what you mean by your advice about the C test? ...particularly about the financials ... car and house ... part?

A common misunderstanding about "maturity", is to assume that persons living independent from their parents are the best or only candidates for getting married.

I have visited Rhode Island, and in the beach, sitting at the same table with teenagers, their conversation was of marriage. While parents were in a different table, three girls started talking about their plans to get married, the young male already having his proposal of marriage... and I noticed the huge difference with the teenagers of Richmond Virginia, Washington DC, Bethesda Maryland, Jacksonville Florida, etc. etc. etc. who's conversation is mostly songs, boyfriends, girlfriends, disco, cars, jeans, and lots of trivial things.

For many, the idea of getting mature is to reach over 18 years old, move to a room or an apartment, live alone or with room mates, drink, smoke, have sex, and then, only after then, the individual is "mature" and ready for marriage.

What a dump!

Their idea is that friends can provide better advice than parents.

Truth is that nobody, absolutely nobody is "mature enough" to get married.

Marriage is the coupling of a man and a woman who carry their own personalities, which are different each from the another. Maturity "as a couple" in marriage comes after living together.

A single adult can get maturity living with room mates and living with parents. The only difference is that young adults living with parents can save more money to buy a new car, to travel, even to buy a house, while the ones living in apartments will spend about a third and perhaps half of their salary just paying rent.

____________________________________________

About this case, communication is the key.

If communication is lost, then "there is nothing more to say".

You must contact him, and open your heart. It can by by text, by e-mail, face to face, by any resource available.

You must be honest. You must explain him that you understood that his intentions were "to make you happy", to get married with you. You also tell him that you have the same intentions toward him. You can go further and explain that both of you can start a new family, see your children grow up, and also enjoy seeing them getting married one day, to continue the chain and making the families growing up as well.

Tell him your inner feelings, expose yourself freely and with sincerity. Do not talk to him, talk to his heart.

If he comes back to you, then whatever was holding him has gone away, and both of you can continue with your lives together.

If he still is absent in your life, then you can tell that you have tried it and it is time to move forward... alone.

I thought the "C" test was Cash, Check and Credit... asked by the car dealer to finance your new car...

Well I found out today that he is in new relationship ...... And asked her out on the 2nd date so definitely won't be going back there, even if he did come back begging. Some people are just very cruel aren't they. Thankyou all for your advice tho

Does he have any of your money?

My sincere sympathies. I know it's so hard to view it this way...and the words will sound hollow ... but it's best that you find this out about him now rather than later. He's not been his own man in his entire life so far and shows no signs of making that growth in the near future.

It'll take some time to let all of this go. Give yourself the time by lessening or stopping the contact with him (and perhaps his family too). Frankly, the less news you hear about him, the quicker and more able you'll be to move on.

Not all relationships will be like this...so pls don't feel paranoid or super-guarded about relationships.; However, a bit of caution can be useful when it comes to deeper involvements. Take some time off from deep involvement. Have fun with meeting people when you're ready to.

No, I took the money I contributed into the account out before he did. Plus he let me keep the ring....time to sell maybe

Thankyou. No that is true, just a shame he's turned out being this person when he never was when we were together

I don't have his number, he blocked me from fb etc so we have no mutual contact. I deleted his family too mainly for my own sanity. So all good there. We live about 40 minutes apart so will never really see each other.

I just hope one day he realises what he's lost. He had everything he could have wanted and stomped all over my heart.

I hope I find happiness again. Thankyou

What's the last c?? Lol

Well he knew I would have tried things again. But deffo no more. I sent him one last email and just said I wish you well with your new gf, I'm sorry you felt you needed to lie when you said you need to be alone when we split. I'm also sorry I wasn't enough for you. I will try and remember the good memories of you.
Believe it or not the whole 18months was happiness. If I could find someone who treated me 10% of how he did I would be a lucky woman.

I'd be lying if I said my Hearst not breaking but yes time to go forward alone ....

I wish you the best. Sounds like you're taking the right path/paths. Whether or not he realizes what he lost...and his future path towards growth..is his issue. What matters the most is you're on a path to fulfilling your future needs.

Sorry that you have had this sort of growth lesson. I know from my own life experiences sometimes some of these painful lessons do the most toward propelling me towards the areas which I needed growth the most.

Sorry, but here's where you've convinced yourself of something that really is not true. He was ultimately a phony because he dumped you..and then lied. This is very blunt, I know, and I'm sorry if this hurts but he didn't treat you as you treated him. He broke many of the cardinal rules of relationships that are committed towards the future or engagements.

IMHO. This is mistake for 2 reasons. You might want to understand that he has some major character flaws. What has happened is not about what you didn't give to him or were for him.

1. Telling him this is a mistake because that is not why he did what he did. Why give him that satisfaction or put yourself down?

2. Thinking that you because weren't enough for him was the reason he started a new relationship so soon. He did that because of his character flaws and he's insincere.

yikes

that email

oh well

you've sent it

He needs to feel guilty. I can do better than him but he might feel guilty at least. Don't regret sending it. I didn't send from the believe it or not bit lol, just the bit beforehand

No I know. I do wish I was enough but hopefully someone else will not let me go in future. I don't regret telling him that I'm sorry I wasn't enough. He needs to feel guilty and tbh I think he is, or will.

I don't think it will make him feel guilty. In fact I'd have the opposite reaction if I got an email like that.