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Bringing kids to the hospital

 
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 08:40 am
Until extremely recently, the elderly, sick etc. died in the home. The sick were cared for in the midst of family life, and if they died it was in their own beds.

The sick need their rest, yes. However, they also desire the presence of those who were dearest to them, including, maybe expecially the children.

This has been going on for thousands of years, since before recorded time.

If children don't experience the elderdy in their lives, if they aren't taken to visit them in nursing homes, or if sick or dying in the hospital, the lesson they learn is that when someone reaches the age where they aren't as presentable to society, they are hidden away and disposed of.
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 08:56 am
@chai2,
My hometown has a very strong grandparenting program which takes kids from public schools (jr k to grade 6) to retirement homes and nursing homes to be partnered with elderly people. It's apparently very popular on both sides of the age spectrum.

Hamburgboy lives in a retirement home which is a few blocks from a junior school - on Halloweén, the kids all head over for a very popular party. Again, much enjoyed by all. The littlest kids tend to be the most open-minded, heading over to chat with folks in wheelchairs and having questions about walkers and canes and just stuff.

I think it's a great way to keep the generations connected in a society where families rarely live together from birth to death.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 09:15 am
@chai2,
Actually it is changing again back to how it used to be. If you have a very ill person who is dying, typically they try to keep the individual home and hospice will come into the home here and there to help care for them.

This is what happen a few years ago with my dad. There was a hospital type bed set up for him at home and hospice would come by and help. He died at home with his family around him. I think this is becoming more common.

My daughters were a great comfort for my mom when we were there. They call hospice after the passing to help with everything as well - including caring for the strong drugs (which is a huge thing) - they also are there for the family.

The funny thing was hospice was asking about the children how they were handling. My brother, a nurse, told them - the children should be working for hospice. My girls were comforting my mom saying he is in heaven now, he is happy and in no more pain.

Children can handle much more than we give them credit.
saab
 
  4  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 09:21 am
@chai2,
Elderly died at home.
don´t forget until very recently the time between illness and death was so much shorter than today. If a person was unconsious they starved to death.
The very poor could hardly take care of the sick. They worked up to twelve hours a day and had to leave the sick person alone often in a cold room as there was no money for wood. The needed diapers were newspapers out of other peoples carbage cans. The warmest place in a cold apartment was the kitchen so that is where the sick lived and died and I am sure the stank was much worse than in a hopsital today
Better off in the countryside had a house where the old lived and died
again they had to spend long hours alone and if they fell out of bed they probably were on the floor for hours while everybody had to work in the fields.
The very well off had personal to take care of the old ones and the family might only visit shortly now and then.
There were of course families were everything was good and perfect.

I have just been reading four valumes of the lives of Swedish women between 1880 and 1940 and they had it better than in some other coutries…
0 Replies
 
saab
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 09:23 am
@Linkat,
The modern way of caring at home is a good way of doing it.
You get professional help which is very important
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 09:23 am
@PUNKEY,
PUNKEY wrote:

No, I'm not Italian. (Irish-American. Kids are not even seen, much less heard. LOL)



OMG, I thought it only happened in my family. Also Irish American.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 09:55 am
@glitterbag,
Me too, though I did see it in other such families.
0 Replies
 
margo
 
  5  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 10:46 am
From the perspective of a patient in a neighbouring bed, I can tell you it was a problem.

I had some foot surgery and was in a great deal of pain, quite poorly controlled (some years back). In came the family of the patient in the other bed. About a dozen of them.

They were noisy, argumentative, shouting. The kids raced around. They constantly jostled my bed causing me increased pain. No-one disciplined them My visitor had nowhere to stand - and they had taken my visitor chair. They were remarkably thoughtless. For me, a nightmare.

Finally, as a result of all the jostling and noise, I couldn't cope any longer. I let out and long, high-pitched, scream/howl.

Freaked the kids out. Nursing staff came in. Visitors all sent outside. 2 visitor limit imposed. It did not occur to them that their behaviour was a problem.
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 11:36 am
@glitterbag,
glitterbag wrote:

PUNKEY wrote:

No, I'm not Italian. (Irish-American. Kids are not even seen, much less heard. LOL)



OMG, I thought it only happened in my family. Also Irish American.


Which made my family terribly confused --- Irish/Italian-American.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 02:06 pm
ehbeth and linkat, I agree with you both. Things are going back to a better way.

The whole premise of "don't let the children see" or making assumptions about what the sick person would like is not letting them lead their lives, or give the children a chance to develope emotionally in that realm.

Many cultures embrace having the family present for all life events.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 02:28 pm
@margo,
margo wrote:
The kids raced around. They constantly jostled my bed causing me increased pain. No-one disciplined them.


now there's a family that shouldn't be on anyone's visitors' list til they get some control over their kids or do what I do with the dogs - take them somewhere to run and get their ya-yas out before they go anywhere/do anything that needs tired/well-mannered visitors.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 02:42 pm
Family is an important part of life.

I absolutely want my children and grandchildren to visit me when I am hospitalized. I can't imagine many things that are more meaningful than that.

I think it is important for children to experience all parts of life including seeing loved ones who are hospitalized. I certainly don't think they should be protected from loved ones who are ill or dying. Quite the contrary the best thing for them is to process these things on their own terms. Part of childhood is learning about life (both the good and the difficult). You can't learn about life when life is being hidden from you.

I wouldn't be upset by the children or grandchildren of fellow patients visiting while I was hospitalized. I suppose there is a limit if they are really misbehaving... but children are a part of life and I would be pretty patient.
0 Replies
 
saab
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 10:26 pm
A couple of years ago a young woman told me her father did not want to see her when he was dying. I was suprised as they had a good father daughter relationship.
Then a friend of mine told me her mother did not want her around when she was dying. It was very hurtful for her as she had had a very close relationsship with her mother.
Someone else told me about her sister who also was her best friend reacted that way.
It was not a question of hours or of days, but weeks and months.
How often does it not happen that a close relative sits by the dying person and when the person leaves the other ones pass away.
Maybe for some it is easier to go when not too many loved ones are around.
Walter Hinteler
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 11:47 pm
@saab,
saab wrote:
How often does it not happen that a close relative sits by the dying person and when the person leaves the other ones pass away.
Maybe for some it is easier to go when not too many loved ones are around.
Wie have in German an expression, to steal yourself out of life ("aus dem Leben stehlen"). That really happens quite often, according to nurses in the home where my late mother mother and aunt had been.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Thu 26 Mar, 2015 12:20 am
I think hospitals should function as retreats. Kids under 12 MWF 4-5pm ONLY

And for cripes sake can we please let men avoid the delivery room unless they really want to be there and the women they knocked up want them there? I see very little good that come out of this torture for all.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Mar, 2015 05:39 am
@hawkeye10,
Seeing my daughter being born, having a small (even token) part in the delivery and then holding my newborn daughter in my arms was the most beautiful, meaningful and incredible experience in my life.

I couldn't imagine missing that.
Lordyaswas
 
  2  
Reply Thu 26 Mar, 2015 06:35 am
@maxdancona,
I had no choice! My better half grabbed my arm as she was wheeled into the delivery room and wouldn't let go. I was then given the task of holding the gas and air mask for her, and as I reached across her to get it, she bit into my arm as she went through what I think was called a contraction.
Before I could complain to the midwife, the midwife told her to carry on biting if it helped, and I had to wait a whole fifteen seconds or so before she released.

Nobody knows how I suffered that day.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Mar, 2015 06:56 am
@Lordyaswas,
And the little creature that popped out, called you "dada" and starting asking you to buy it things?
0 Replies
 
Bl08791
 
  3  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 01:22 am
@Linkat,
i believe it depends on the maturity and eah child. i know my little sister and i were in the sicu before our mom passed and we were both younger. it depends what they can handle and what they have been exposed to over the years. if any child sees this they need to be able to freely discuss thier feelings with another person
0 Replies
 
 

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