Is all hope lost? Typical "I want him back"

Looks like you're making progress, you've gotten really good advice so far. About two weeks ago, I got dumped by my girlfriend as well.. it was a real heartbreak, to be honest. Or maybe I'm just a weakling.

Anyways, what I want to say is that as much as you want him back (as I can speak from personal experience, I want my girl back), you still have a whole life ahead of ya. If you're gonna get over it, you're gonna have to go back to what made you happy before you were with him. In my case, I was extremely upset when I lost her, but my friends helped get me back up on my feet. And, as hard as it is to move on, I've already found a few girls I can see myself gettin' with later on.

So I don't know how much perspective I can provide as my case is not the same as yours, but I'd say you're already doin' real well. Good luck, and keep it up!

The most progress is that you reorient youself to paying attention to you.

and mean it.

I am sure it is some kind of a jump to think that this is important, but it is.

There ya go.

What do you do when its late at night. And you're all alone. And you cant sleep, cant stop crying.

I want so bad to just call him up and tell him how much I hurt. But I'd never actually do it.

Contact a friend (not him, another friend). Do you have other online friends (hey, you've got us :-D)?

And, you need a diversion. And a diversion can be a lot of things, including silly stuff like watching a weepy movie or making a batch of cookies. Do other things, and fill up your life, and you will have less time to devote to these feelings. This doesn't mean that the feelings go away, but if you have other things to focus on for much of the day (and, if you tucker yourself out), you'll have less of an inclination to cry at night.

There's nothing wrong with crying yourself to sleep. You've been dumped and the world is now an empty and confusing place.

You did exactly the right thing on the instant messaging. He doesn't want to be "your" boyfriend--but he wants to tie up your time on line?

What part of "breaking up" does this guy not understand?

Jespah had some excellent advice about diverting yourself and filling the void.

Remember, he's got to miss you so he knows you're gone.

Most of us have probably cried our eyes out over someone, at some point, so we know of what we speak. Your relationship sounds alot like my first a hundred years ago. We'd been engaged to marry and like you, I refused to let go and made myself 'available' to him after we'd broken up and he was waiting for his new girl, who he'd met while away at school, to arrive in town. And when new girl showed up, he dropped me like a hot potato. I don't know what was worse. My broken heart or the humiliation of allowing myself to be used so cheaply. I didn't respect myself. How could he have any respect for me? And you know what? It was clear that by then, he didn't.
Of course he tried to call me when new girl returned home but by then, I'd gotten my head together and refused to talk to him or see him. It hurt like hell but it had to be done. I was depressed for weeks but as time went on, it got better until eventually, he no longer mattered. I started dating again and life went on. I hear from old high school friends that he still asks about me. Almost 30 years later. Poor thing.

Whisper, it will get better. We promise you.

Loved your post, eoe!

Dorothy Parker might help--she's an expert on being witty while miserable.

http://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/~martinh/poems/parker.html#wail

Okay.

I haven't been talking to him.


We were both online at the same time, I never initiated conversation. THEN out of the blue, he IM's me ... says goodbye, and then signs off.


What the hell? And he tells me where he's going like I should care ...

Maintain your silence! and like I said before, you should make yourself invisible so he can't tell you are on line. You're not trying to show him your mad... You're trying to show him you are busy, and couldn't care less.

Whisper--

Funny, isn't it, how a good cry can make you see more clearly? Take a good look at this boy--he's certainly not manly yet, is he?

Well I know he isn't manly yet. He's only 17.

A little immaturity has never bothered me much, though.

Whisper--

I'm proud of you. Have you been getting out with the girls-- Have you found something to busy yourself?

What are your hobbies/ interests?

Immaturity is harmless--until it is used as a club.

whisper, it sounds like you're beginning to get some perspective. OCCAM is so correct, and to take it to another extreme, you can block him from im'ing you, it'll make him nuts!

Remove him from your buddy list!


This is a big step, but you need to do it. Remove his screenname from your buddy list. Out of sight; out of mind. How can you stop thinking about him if his name pops up on your buddy list all the time and you can monitor whether or not he's online the same time as you? You have to cut all the strings . . .

He broke up with you because he wants to date other girls. He obviously has his eyes focused on someone else and wanted to make himself available. Do you really want a boyfriend who will drop you the minute he takes an interest in someone else? Even if you get him back, what will stop him from dropping you again the next time another girl spurs his interest?

I think you need to accept that he's young--he wants to sample all that life can offer--and he's not ready to settle down with just you.

You're young too! Embrace LIFE! Choose to move on and engage yourself in happier activities. You can do it!!!! Don't underestimate yourself!!!!

In fact I would change your screen name. That way he doesn't know that you are on the computer at all. You can give your new name to your friends.

You've got so much life ahead! Have a good time and grow as a person and you will become a beautiful and desireable woman.

If things ever turn around, about when should I expect them to start?

When should I realize that he is never going to come back?

STOP! You're doing it wrong. You are supposed to be behaving like he doesn't matter... Seeing other people, having fun. If it takes too long, the charade becomes reality and you haven't missed a beat. Meanwhile, it should drive him crazy that you're not worshipping him so he should get more interested, not less. Your terms are the only way you want him back anyway. If you lay down, you get walked on. Don't do it. Believe me, if there is any way to make someone like you more, it is by pretending you don't care. Haven't you ever notice that guys you blow off are the ones who want you the worst? And no, it's not a male thing. It works both ways. It's working on you right now. It probably sounds like I'm teaching you how to manipulate people's feelings. Perhaps, but the goal is to respect your own feelings and not let insecurity and weakness betray you. As Noddy says; hold your dominion.