Is all hope lost? Typical "I want him back"

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Okay. This could be a little long. I apologize in advance.

I am 17 years old. My boyfriend of a year broke up with me about two weeks ago. He is almost 18. The break up was out of the blue, not expected at all. It all started one night when we were randomly talking and I asked him if he could see himself with me in two or three years. Apparently that got him thinking and he decided that he couldnt see himself with me in the future, so instead of dragging out something that would eventually end, he just broke up with me then.

He told me that he still was happy with me. Still loved me (although I'm not positive he's still IN love, but I believe him when he says he still loves me) He told me that I'm a great person and very easy to get along with. But he just wanted someone with a different personality than mine. He stressed that there was nothing wrong with the relationship. He just didnt want it anymore.

It's all so hard to accept because we were both still so happy together. He didnt even think about breaking up with me until the night before it happened, when he was talking to a friend about her own break up.

I tried talking to him about it, tried convincing him that he should give it his all. But the only thing me trying to persuade him did was make him stressed and frustrated. So I haven't mentioned the break up to him in a few days, and I don't plan to say anything further.

Yesterday I went over to his house with the intentions of just hanging out and talking. Ended up making out with him. He regretted it later, said he still wants me very much physically and somewhat emotionally ... and that part of him still wants to get back together with me, but he doesn't want to be in it for the moment. He isn't going to allow it. Now he thinks we shouldn't see eachother for a while because he can't trust himself around me.

He's so so so set on not getting back together. Even though he still cares. Still enjoys his time with me. A good friend of his told me to just give him time and hope that he realizes it on his own. But it's really hard to just sit back and do nothing when I truly feel that he is making a big mistake.

There's still so much feeling in his eyes when I stare into them.

I want him back very very badly. What's a girl to do?

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Whisper--

Summer vacation's here. Is there any chance you could get out of town for a week or two. You need a break and a chance to get some perspective. Besides, the only way that your former boyfriend is going to miss you (and regret breaking up) is if you aren't there.

Right now he has you to neck with and talk to and the rest of the female sex to covet and pursue. Really, Whisper, this isn't fair to you. Of course, he doesn't want to talk about "it"--he knows he's being a cad.

Whether you are with this guy or without this guy, he's only a part of your life. What are your plans for the summer? A job? Summer study? Camp? Give your former boyfriend a chance to miss you. Meanwhile work on becoming a more mature, educated, talented woman.

His actions have given you a summer to devote to your own growth and development. Use the time.

Good luck.

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Good luck.

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Noddy is dead on. Stop calling dude, and start seeing someone else. Not only will seeing someone else distract you; it is by far the most likely way to make him realize what he's lost. Right now he's not missing you because:

A. You are readily available at his whim.
B. He is interested in that other chick.
C. He doesn't even realize what he's lost yet.

Don't act jealous, that won't help. Go out and have fun (which will likely make him jealous, which will help). The more you ignore him, the better your chances will be. Plus, you may even meet someone you like better. You are in a win, win situation Enjoy it!

And welcome to A2K!

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whisper, noddy's got it right. make yourself scarce. don't contact him, let him contact you. it hurt something awful, but he needs some room to begin missing you. sitting back and doing nothing is really hard, but grant yourself the time to feel awful and sad on your own. at some point, you'll move from sadness to anger, which will give you some perspective.

I have a friend who has a great perspective on situations like this: "why do i want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?"

although it's sad, it's a great opportunity to figure out ways to make yourself happy. as noddy suggested, make other plans...

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amen and amen to all that was said above! Surprised

)

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They're right, dear.

Being available and/or clingy diminishes you in your eyes AND his.

Going out and being marvellously and beautifully you, may attract him back--or may attract someone better, who'll appreciate you more.

Plus, I think Bill may be right. He may have bounced you for Miss Friend Recently Broken Up. You don't want to be his side dish, dear.

My advice--
Get some highlights, or a sassy haircut, a pedicure or something-- Love your body, pamper youself and get out of town, as others advised.

CELEBRATE YOU. <and others will crowd around to see the allure>

A break up is a tough transition. You are probably as dependant on the security and familiarity of him, as you are actually in love with him. It will get better as time passes.

<really>

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I liked Sofia's take on this. It is something a lot of us could listen to, no matter what our ages...

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Thank you all for your replies so far.

Does not talking to him include IM's, too? What if he instant messages ME? Should I ignore him?

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ignore him completely. especially im's.

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Yep, make yourself invisible and make him think you're out and about.

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For how long?

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Until you are certain he is eating out of your hand.

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lol. So if he's desperately contacting me or what not?

.... couldnt he just think I dont care anymore, and ignore me himself?

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whisper, has he im'ed you?

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Yes, quite often infact. We talk at least an hour online everyday.

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whisper wrote:

lol. So if he's desperately contacting me or what not?

.... couldnt he just think I dont care anymore,

That's the game in a nutshell, darlin. :wink:

whisper wrote:

and ignore me himself?

Strangely, the opposite of what common sense tells you; generally rules in these situations. Confused

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whisper--Not Good. Must Stop, now. you've got to get him wondering about what you are doing. and, barring a tragedy, there is no such thing as desperately trying to contact you online. he can call...you're making this too easy for him.

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alas, occam is correct-- men are biologically wired for "the chase".

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Hah. This is funny already, and I just started it.

He IM'd me saying he was heading out to his sisters birthday bash soon. I replied with a simple, "ok" and that's all.

.... He keeps on trying to promote conversation and I told him I was busy and stopped talking to him.

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Is all hope lost? Typical "I want him back"

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