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Confused about what happened.....

 
 
Drewguy
 
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 12:12 pm
Thank you for reading this and any advice would be helpful. About 6 weeks ago I met up with a guy that I was chatting with on a website. We met at a bar and talked for a couple hours. I parked kind of far so he drove me to my car, we did have a pretty passionate kiss before I got out of the car. I got home and texted him thanks for meeting me out. He texted back that he could have talked to me all night and that he has a great time. Over the next 6 weeks we hung out regularly (2 or 3 times a week). We went to dinner, hung out at his place and hung out my place. We really got along great, never had dead silence or awkward moments. I was myself right away and so was he. We share the same interests, have the same goals in life and we even have the same occupation. I am 37, he is 34. I have not had many relationships as I never seem to find a guy I hit it off with. We continued with kissing throughout our meetings. One night he did go further but I quickly stopped him, I said we wouldn't want to regret it. I felt as though if we hooked up so quick, it may turn into more of a sexual relationship. He understood. We did not have any other physical contact for another two dates. When he was at my house, we did cuddle and played around in bed. Honestly, it wasn't great for me......later you will find out it probably wasn't great for him either. Possibly me stopping him the first time put a damper on the sexual part. We continued hanging out and loving each others company. Well, the other day he sent me a text that he was wondering where this was going because he loved hanging out with me but for some reason didn't feel sexual chemistry but he said is weird because he finds me handsome. He has told me prior that he always ends up getting hurt by guys. I would not discuss further through a text so I called him. I did explain that I understand what he meant about the non sexual chemistry. I did say we have alot of chemistry in other ways but yes the sexual was not as strong as maybe it should be. The thing is, I like this guy alot and hoped the sexual chemistry would come at some point. Well in our discussion, he said he is all for still taking things slow. I said you know if you feel we should be just friends that I am ok with that. He said that would be great and that would take the pressure off. I am thinking that I pressured him yet I did not mean to. We have still been talking as friends and will be hanging out for dinner and drinks now and then. We both are runners and have plans to do some runs and 5k's together. I don't know what I take of this. Did I freak him out or did he freak himself out? Did we both put up a barrier and not let each other develop sexual feelings for fear of getting hurt? We obviously are just going to be friends but I am wondering if I can turn this new friendship back into something more down the road. Any advice or input would be great. Thanks!
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 12:22 pm
If - after 6 weeks and all the things you have been thru with this guy - there still aren't "sparks" then there's not going to be any.

Decide to be in the "friend zone" with him, but continue to seek someone where you both feel the "heat."
Drewguy
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 12:34 pm
@PUNKEY,
Thank you for the response! In a way I do agree with you. The main thing is that I miss him already. I developed "sparks" in I guess a different way than just sexually. Ugh lol
0 Replies
 
Eliusa
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 12:39 pm
@Drewguy,
Lovers become friends, friends become lovers. Why not? If chemistry is ALL there except sexual...one day you will get drunk at the bar and everything will go where it supposed to. Good Luck and remember, everything is good so far.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 12:39 pm
There are different levels of friendship, from casual right up to having a crush on someone and you want to be with them since there seems to be a special bond, but it does not move into a "lover" type of friendship. Sounds like that's what you had...

But you were talking about having more with him (sexual AND emotional, resulting in an exclusive, on-going relationship)

That doesn't seem to be happening, for either of you.

If you DO feel more, then let him know. No sense in keeping this to yourself. It does no good to be on a one-sided love affair. At least you will know what is the real truth about how he feels.
0 Replies
 
Drewguy
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 12:47 pm
@Eliusa,
Thank you for the response!
Eliusa
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 12:56 pm
@Drewguy,
Do not listen to downers!
I am pretty sure love is love and no difference whether you gay and I am not - I can think of many examples to assure you that anything can happen.
Is your love by any chance is a Scorpio?
He made a move, you refused it and he might be holding you a hostage to your refusal now. However he is still with you. Big plus!

I have this love that is volcano erupted to volcano that cold as ice. And it is errupturing again when no one is asking.
LOL
Just be positive. He finds you handsome, fun, talking never stops. There is no way you won't find a spark. And no one can say 6 weeks is a death sentence to relationships. No one. There is no such data! It is people talking...keep it positive and do not become annoying. Wink
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 01:10 pm
@Drewguy,
Sounds like you've met someone who'll be a good friend and perhaps become more.

Six weeks is a pretty short period of time to decide if it's going to be a ''relationship".

Enjoy the friendship and be open-minded about the possibility of sparks in the future. If they happen - awesome, and if not - you're got a good, possibly great, friend.

It sounds very good so far.

Try to relax and enjoy the friendship Smile
Drewguy
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 02:35 pm
@ehBeth,
Thank you for the response! Only time will tell right. Hell, I am 37 and single so obviously I have been in no rush thus far lol! I actually took care of my father for years which made me put my "love" life on hold. Now its time for me.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 03:00 pm
@Drewguy,
I think, if you have been hanging out 3 times a week thereabouts, for 6 weeks and remained in the friends zone, with some kissing only then both of you have kept things at bay for your own reasons. His, perhaps from previous hurt and you from caring for your Father for so long.

Fear does amazing things.

But, think about it. When you meet someone, at some point "early" enough in the dating sides of things you really feel that lust coming on.

It could be that both of you needed and need each other as neither of you wish to hurt the other, what may come of that later who knows but you have something solid for now, so try to keep it.

It does sound though that your initial intentions stated to take it slow may also mean that you are frightened to allow someone into your life due to your past circumstances. It's hard for someone who isn't being shown lust, to perform in any fashion at such an early age of a relationship.

Are you ready to have a relationship? Be kind to yourself, it's your time to share and be happy.
Drewguy
 
  2  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 03:21 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
Thank you for such a thoughful reply. You bring up things that I must think about. Appreciate this.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 03:23 pm
@ehBeth,
I'm agreeing with ehBeth on this.

All good sexual relationships don't just appear at a cataclysmic meeting. Cataclysmic enthusiasm is apt to fizz away in real life, though of course not always, and no particular sparking can gather interest over time, also not always.

edit, just read Found Soul's post. Nod to her response too.
Drewguy
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 03:36 pm
@ossobuco,
I am appreciative for the response. Everyone has been very helpful. The thing I am wondering about at this point. We are still friends, I do feel I should carry on acting more reserved that I was before happened. I guess what I am saying is..... should I not text as much? I am not asking him to hang out much. I feel I should be more reserved and let space come between us...... just not too much space. What are individuals feelings on how I should be acting with him at this point?
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 04:04 pm
I'm outside of the texting culture (older woman who keeps a dumb phone in my pocket when I'm away from my house, just in case I need it).

I'll say, be natural.
Further, I'll say, talk with him about it.

Not that you shouldn't post here, those of us answering do want to help, but think yourself about how you want to act.
Let us know about how it goes - but work up developing your own judgement on these things.

I'll say about myself that I changed from my teens to early twenties and in mid twenties, more so. Since then I try to be straightforward (or, quiet, at least not lie).
You could say I changed from fool to a fool to a fool, but, hey, I understand myself better.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 04:12 pm
@Drewguy,
Would you like to spend time with him?

If so, tell him that and make arrangements to spend time together. Do things together - not just 'date' stuff.

Be yourself. If you want to talk, call him. If you want to go for a bike ride, invite him. If you want to go to a special show at a museum, ask him if he'd like to go as well.
FOUND SOUL
 
  3  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 04:13 pm
@Drewguy,
I think everyone should be "themselves". The questions you are asking and the way in which you are handling things is clearly not you, rather what you "think" you should do.

I know you've been out of the dating game for a while but just be yourself, what ever is going to be will be and truthfully? The right person for you, will accept anything and everything you do because they are in tune with you.

What matters is you have "a" connection. If secretly you'd love to fall in love and have a lot of compatibility with this man, then don't let fear get in your way. If it doesn't go in the right direction (relationship wise) you've gained a new friend that you can mingle with to meet the right guy.
Drewguy
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 04:14 pm
@ehBeth,
Thank you! I guess I just want to give him some space. But agree with what you are saying.
Drewguy
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 04:16 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
Very wise.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 04:18 pm
@Drewguy,
The sense I got from your OP was that he might have been feeling pressured to have a relationship but that he's cool with the idea of developing a friendship first, taking it slow, and then seeing if a relationship will develop.

Work on the friendship side.

Six weeks really is a very short period of time to gain a friend, let alone a partner of some sort.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2015 04:18 pm
@Drewguy,
Here's one more for you.

With every negative there "is" a positive...

If you think like that, nothing at all will hurt you...
0 Replies
 
 

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