Mutual friends helping each other

Forums: Marriage, Cheating, Affair, Relationship, Sex Life
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I have been married over 10 years and have a friend who has been married even longer than that. Both our spouses have medical problems and are both in a great deal of pain and on lots of meds. We are both pretty young and have found ourselves in sexless marriages. Both love our spouses a great deal. My husband is an amazing man, I have several children with him and could never imagine my life without him, nor would I want to. I feel bad pestering my husband for sex when it's so clearly difficult for him and only for my benefit. We have sex a couple times a year. My friend claims to be in a very similar situation with his spouse and has proposed we could help each other out for purely physical reasons. I am really considering doing it as I am a highly sexual person and am really cranky with my lack of physical connection. My concern is of course our partners finding out or it not staying physical and catching feelings on either side. Such a sucky situation all the way around.

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@RedDog84,

Is there a reason you can't discuss this with your spouses and be upfront about it?

I think that would be the best answer in truly loving relationships.

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@ehBeth,

I'm very open with my husband and he's aware of my feelings and frustration. His health has deteriorated rapidly over the last 4-5 years. It's frustrating for him too because he knows how I feel but is in too much pain and/or has no physical drive to do anything about it.

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@RedDog84,

If you simply need a physical orgasm, you don't need a partner.

If what you want is to have sex with another person, I think you need to let your husband know.

Have you spoken to a sex therapist about alternative approaches that will be easy/comfortable for your husband and satisfying for you?

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@ehBeth,

I need that physical connection of a warm body. Obviously my preference is to have my husbands physical touch. We have gone to doctors and pain management and their response was " well you need to decide what's more important, sex or to be pain free" essentially no help at all. I've told him I don't feel wanted. We sleep in the same bed but he doesn't touch me. I tell him all the time how much I want him. I've offered to do all the work even. I will randomly walk up to him and give him a big passionate kiss... I'm definitely trying... But he has no physical desire to follow through. It's frustrating. I'm only 30 and I didn't think at such young ages this would be our life. I feel selfish for wanting him even though I know it hurts him but I NEED that connection.

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@RedDog84,

Why can't you 4 talk and get it on if everyone is agree?
Better than anything else I supposed.

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