Turning The Ballot Box Against Republicans

Tommy Tuberville Opposes Contraception and All Other Polysyllabic Words

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Explaining his vote against birth control last week, Senator Tommy Tuberville said on Tuesday that he opposes contraception and all other words with more than one syllable.
“I saw that word ‘contraception’ and that was a quick ‘no’ vote for me,” the Alabama lawmaker said. “Don’t know what that means. Won’t look it up.”
Proud of his consistent opposition to polysyllabic words, Tuberville said, “Immigration. Education. Vaccination. No, no, no.”
The senator said, however, that he would continue supporting one-syllable words such as guns and oil.
Summarizing his position, he said, “Short words good. Long words bad.”

Is this for real?! Was it a joke?

Wisconsin Supreme Court will allow expanded use of ballot drop boxes this fall

The Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled Friday that officials can place ballot drop boxes around their communities in this fall’s elections,
overturning its own ruling two years ago limiting their use in the presidential swing state.

The court limited the use of drop boxes in July 2022, ruling then that they could be placed only in local election clerks’ offices and
no one other than the voter could return a ballot in person.

Conservatives controlled the court at that time, but Janet Protasiewicz’s election victory in April 2023 flipped the court to liberal
control. Seeing an opening, Priorities USA, a progressive voter mobilization group, asked the court in February to revisit the decision.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a feisty kickoff to her presidential campaign, Vice President Kamala Harris on Monday challenged Donald J. Trump to walk down a ramp.

“The American people deserve a president who can walk down a ramp unassisted and without incident,” Harris said. “And so I put this challenge to Donald Trump: I will meet you anytime, anywhere, any ramp.”

Just minutes after Harris threw down the gauntlet, Trump responded with a note from his podiatrist, who asserted that a “Vietnam-era foot condition” would make walking down a ramp “an excruciating ordeal” for the former president.

Doubling down, Trump’s running mate J.D. Vance lambasted Harris’s ramp challenge, calling it “deeply offensive to every American man who, like President Trump, bravely avoided serving his country.”

What about Beto O'Rourke for Kamala's VP?

I think that would be a bad idea.

If Beto were to write a book right now, it would be titled, "How To Lose An Election."

That is not a skill Kamala Harris should bring to her campaign.