Who is the jerk in this little story? Me or the girl? If it's me, should i tell her i am sorry?

@chikitou,

You have no relationship. She expressed interest, you expressed annoyance. You changed your mind, then I got confused trying to make sense of these encounters. No one is in love at this point, not you and not her.

I suspect you need a ton of attention, good luck with that.

1 Reply

@chikitou,

This relationship has gotten off to a very BAD start and your continued games keep it from being authentic.

You misinterpreted flirting from a girl, then you failed to act like an alpha male - instead, you "acted" annoyed, and she responded to that. Then you did a few other games - and THEN you are so surprised that she calls you on your games! (This is the first time I see you, OK?).

BE a BIG BOY and ask her out - that's what mature young men do when they want to be near a girl they like. That way they get to know her and see if it can move from acquaintances, to friends, to something more. Can you do that?

She seems very confused about your push and pull. You - on the other hand - are so self-focused that you have no empathy or compassion for how she feels trying to figure out your mixed messages and games. Stop them at once!

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What is it you are wanting to hear in the responses to your post? So far, you've deflected everything said to you.

If someone other than you had written your post what would be your advice for them?

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@glitterbag,

Actually no. I don't need a ton of attention. Just after this girl during summer holidays, i had three other girls chasing after me and i started dating an other girl just for the sake of forgetting about this one. She had too much effect on me. I know my value and i know i am attractive myself(or so i have been told. I always get comments from strangers or girls that i know well. Even one of my guy friends once told me that i look way better than the girl i was dating and that i should definitely go for a better looking one ) It's no confidence issue. But she is way too good looking. Megan Fox would kill herself in a jealous rage if she ever sees her. That is also why i ignored her in the first place(I felt like she was playing around) So it hurts like **** if i approach such a girl to only get humiliated and blown away like a fool ... I know that now you think i should care less about looks because it's immature and superficial. But sometimes, people auto reject when they see a super attractive person... I hope you understand.

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@PUNKEY,

What? You are asking me to go ask her out after all what happened? I will never dare to do that. I was actually determined to do it when i approached her the first time. And how do you know she is confused? Maybe she was, but not anymore. I bet now, she definitely thinks i am a big jerk and she doesn't have anything to do with me anymore (too bad for her cus i am a very nice guy if you know me well) . The point of this topic wasn't to try to get her back cus i have nuked any chance with her. I just wanted to know why she keeps acting the way she does. Or if she really is a jerk or just a girl who is hurt by my initial reaction. I have never dealt with a girl responding like her in the past.

1 Reply

@chikitou,

Here's the deal kid, everybody notices good looking people, that's a given. For reasons only known to you, you decided to screw it up. She expressed interest in you, and you feigned annoyance. You must be under the impression that you can be unpleasant and still have to beat the girls off with a stick. This gamesmanship may have worked for you in the past, but you probably met a girl who recognized that she can do much better than you.

You need to accept the fact that not all women are going to enjoy the sullen, mysterious hard to get guy. You're think your major compels you to find out exactly what transpired. I can tell you what happened, you insulted her for a bullshit reason, and can't understand why she's not aquiver wondering why you treated her in a disrespectful fashion. My guess is she is fairly confident about herself, and refuses to deal with your earlier behaviour.

I don't see anything changing for you until maybe next semester. Think about this, if you approached someone to say hi and tried to start a conversation, but she did everything but throw a tantrum to let you know you picked a bad time, without mentioning she was cramming for an assignment, would that make her more irrestable to you? If you say yes, you're an idiot. You only get one chance to make a first impression. I suggest you spend the rest of your time allowing all those other admirers to pursue you for the of the year. That should help restore your ego and allow you to pick girls who are willing to assuage your distress when you need to study.

1 Reply

@chikitou,

chikitou wrote:

. I was actually determined to do it when i approached her the first time. And how do you know she is confused? Maybe she was, but not anymore. I bet now, she definitely thinks i am a big jerk and she doesn't have anything to do with me anymore (too bad for her cus i am a very nice guy if you know me well) . that's debatable, you don't come off as a great guyThe point of this topic wasn't to try to get her back cus i have nuked any chance with her. I just wanted to know why she keeps acting the way she does. Or if she really is a jerk or just a girl who is hurt by my initial reaction. I have never dealt with a girl responding like her in the past. [/so maybe she finds mind games insulting). [color=#FF4000] welcome to the real world, )

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@glitterbag,

"My guess is she is fairly confident about herself" <-- If this was the case, then why did she insult me on a Facebook and asked why i got annoyed? A confident person wouldn't do that in the first place.
This is why i can't get her out of my mind and i am still so damn obsessed about this whole thing:
I approached her the first time last year and she humiliated me. And after summer holidays, after i moved on with my life and dated an other girl and finally forgot about her, she started trying to get my attention again. She started trying to make eye contact and stuff. I saw her jumping from her friends and leaning her head to look at me while being all smitten about it on the first day of school. I also saw her walking fast just to come beside me. I also had her friends excessively staring at me. I caught them staring whenever they think i am not watching. She was obviously trying to get my attention again. I even had two of her friends trying to get my attention and it was obvious. One of them held strong eye contact with me for like more than 10 seconds(she was one meter away from me). I kept looking at her and then looking away and then looking back (couldn't hold eye contact and she was still staring) . She then came so close to me leaning her whole body toward me. I don't know what she wanted from me. Maybe she wanted to tell me something about her friend? o.O Maybe she was hitting on me? But oh what did i do? I just left and ignored her. And now, i honestly regret it again(same mistake :p she was cute)... So yeah, getting back to talk about the girl of the topic. She humiliated me last year and now trying to get my attention again? like what the hell? I felt played with. So i insulted her on Facebook. I wrote something very similar to what she wrote about me last year. And after that, body language was off. I felt butt hurt whenever i see her(i know i am immature and i brought it to myself) So i decided to talk to her again. I had two scenarios in my mind. She was angry and rude again and didn't want to talk so i humiliated her by doing what i said in the question. I just can't take an other rejection from her... >.> Yes i sound completely immature and irresponsible for my actions... I was too emotional Sad

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What a girl!

She is both beautiful AND wise.

She stays away from narcissist guys and doesn't let them run their BS on her.

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@PUNKEY,

What a girl? HUH? She is a narcissist herself. She tried to get my attention and wanted me to talk to her and she didn't expect my reaction so she insulted me on Facebook by writing this: "When you accidentally meet a girl's gaze many times doesn't mean she is hitting on you, i can't even stand your presence and your ****ing face which is always on my way and at least tell me why you got annoyed" <--- Not exactly what she wrote but it was something similar. How wise is that??? I also wrote something similar to this about her so that she stops her games (I thought she was playing me but i was wrong. Now when i think about her last reaction, how serious she looked and how she didn't deny when i told her if she remembers the day she called me in the library, she seems more of a straightforward person. So yeah, I was the initial jerk by ignoring her. She is a narcissist and a jerk herself for insulting me on Facebook which she didn't need to.

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@chikitou,

Girls can make the first moves but if you reject them, it's generally over. "Hell has no fury like a woman scorned". Nobody likes to be rejected.

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@chikitou,

No one can help you. For all you know that girl pointed you out to her friends and said "that's the asshole who was such a jerk when I tried to say hi" and that's why they were staring. Not because they all think you're hot, but retaliation for acting like a jerk.

Just own it. You were rude and moody, and she's not into mothering a boy her own age. Leave her alone, and try to learn the lesson. You might be wearing space panties, but your ass is not out of this world. You got served, accept it and leave her alone. Remember this experience the next time you find someone interesting, and for Christ's sake, don't act like you did with the other girl.

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I've been reading along.
I take you as a pretty angry guy, receptors out for anything against you.

My main caution is that you are all captivated by her beauty, so much beauty, and your own desirability, which you have described in so many ways. Oh, look models!

This is romantic, of course, but beauty is skin deep, so you are chasing the prettiest lamb.

Consider being interested in interesting women.

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@glitterbag,

You sound pretty offensive. I was just talking about the whole story and why it made me so obsessed about it so you guys can give me explanations and so i can get a clear understanding of the situation. But looks like you are getting emotional yourself. You are getting hateful toward me(I am young and immature compared to you. Remember? so why do you have to put me down and throw your hate at me lol?). If she was pointing at me saying i am the asshole, then why did she try to get my attention again? Why one of her close friends expressed interest and wanted me to talk to her? And why the other one added me of Facebook and began a conversation talking about random things? I really don't think she pointed at me as a jerk (during those days of course). I bet now she definitely thinks i am a jerk due to my last interaction with her. Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore. I totally messed up with this girl and i think i got the answer myself. This girl liked me, i ignored her for months and when i approached her, she got her own back. After summer holidays, she regretted what she did and wanted me back. No only i ignored her again but also insulted her on Facebook just like she did last year.She got but hurt because of me the first time, but now, she thinks i am a jerk and not really worth her time. Anyway, thanks everyone for your answers! I think PUNKEY gave me the most wise and helpful one. What he said was what really happened. Peace.

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@chikitou,

Oh, sweetie, I was totally misled by your posting. You sounded like such a self obsessed jerk, I must have over reacted to your shallowness.

I don't hate anyone, especially not you, you are way too young. I raised boys, all my cousins were boys, I only have nephews, I'm way too familiar with young men. I gave you a bare bones assessment, now it's time for you to man up and stop making excuses for your childish behaviour. I would be tougher on girls than I was on you. They need to learn how to avoid man-baby traps, and boys need to learn that all the other girls out there are not going to protect you like mommy did, sometimes they will need you to be the adult.

One more suggestion skippy, don't log on with a bunch of people who have raised children and may even have grandchildren and expect everyone to panic because you don't understand why a complete stranger tried to speak to you, you behaved like a jerk, show up months after your crappy first impression, are rebuffed (your fault) and then provide you with plan to convince this girl you are not REALLY an ass.

Hang it up, you blew it, get over it and get on with your life. Remember why this turned out so badly, and try to be less of a jerk the next time you find someone attractive.

Oh, and by the way, this is totally unemotional for me. If you want to use whatever words juveniles are using these days to tell someone you don't like the answer you received, post it on Twitter or some other silly site. Grow up, don't grow up, it's not my problem. I'm not paying your tuition or worrying about future grandchild you can give me. Know why???? Because I'm not you mommy. You want someone to pat your hand and say "oh you poor thing", talk to your real mommy.

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@glitterbag,

Even if i am such a self obsessed jerk, why did you have to get angry at me for that ? A wise old man(as you claim to be) would just ignore it and not try to bring it up and hate me for it or over react or whatever. A wise old man wouldn't try to insult me for that but instead try to correct me without being rude or offensive. Don't tell me you don't hate me. You surely do cus i think that even your last post was kind of offensive. And you are clearly are angry at me. You might be revealing your own insecurities by that. Anger is almost always the result of fear. Fear is almost always the result of insecurity. Parents get angry toward their children because they care for them and are scared to see them fail in life. Kings get angry toward their slaves because they don't want to see themselves losing power and respect. You obviously don't care for me. Why would you? You don't know me and you are not paying my tuition and you said it yourself. The girl of this topic was angry and humiliated me because she was insecure(that is also why she insulted me on Facebook). She feared me. She thought i was playing mind games with her. And when she realized that i really was interested in her and really liked her(many other things happened and that i didn't feel like mentioning in my posts) she wanted me back. And because of me being insecure and too emotional about the whole thing, i insulted her on Facebook and humiliated her again when i approached her the second time. You guys keep giving me advice about how i should act the next time. Thank you and i appreciate that. But i dated other girls in the past . The girl i was dating was 3 years younger than me. I was really nice and such a gentleman with her and because of that, she was all over me. The girl of the topic triggered my auto-rejection mode because she is way too good looking. She is the kind of popular girls that all guys fantasize about and no one would dare to approach and strike a conversation with her. Everyone would just shy away.(proof: She only hangs out with a group of girl friends). She knows she is intimidating. That is why she helped me and approached me herself. I had that golden opportunity and i screw it up. My reaction made her insecure about herself. She didn't know i was auto-rejecting( I also was so stressed and focused in my exams so it was really annoying from her part). I think we are both auto-rejecting. She thinks i am unattainable because of my initial rejection and i think she is unattainable because i thought she was just playing around. I am thinking of studying psychology. It's so fascinating :DDDD

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@chikitou,

chikitou wrote:

I am a nice guy

You are what we in Britain call a "prat".

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@chikitou,

IN LOVE with you???
Who said she was in love with you? A dreamer.
Girls of ALL AGES are changing their minds every some time.
She could had though you were cute.
Next day she could have thought you are ugly.
Especially you said she is the most beautiful girl you had ever seen?
Find someone with heart and do not brake it. KARMA!

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@chikitou,

'. She is way too attractive >.> ??? and staring down you? Are you is way too attractive as well?
Than why none of you in relationships as of now??? Think baby and do not talk back to adults. We had been there, you had not been here. Yet.

You said WHAAAAT????
'@PUNKEY,

What a girl? HUH? She is a narcissist herself'

What a jerk!!! She is waaay right to be ignoring you. Lil prick!!!

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@contrex,

I really don't know why i laughed so hard after reading this... Does it mean i am a fool, an idiot or an arrogant person? Or maybe both? explain to me please.

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Who is the jerk in this little story? Me or the girl? If it's me, should i tell her i am sorry?

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