I'm young but I feel he's the one

I had a one night stand with this guy he was really good. ....

I had a one night stand with this guy he was really good.

I didn't like him I actually liked one of his friends that didn't seem to like me.

The guy started starring at me as we hung out more. Cause we have really good mutual friends. They started telling me I think he likes you.

He was nice caring and I could have the deepest conversations with him. I told him my terrible past and he told me his you know the normal love story.

I trusted him. I still liked the other guy more though. So I went to the guys house I liked the most with some friends and we ended up having sex. Let's call him darrius.

So Darrius and I had sex and the guy that allegedly liked me found out and he told me it made him feel some type of way. He told me he really liked me and that he usually does not fall that easy but he told me he loved me and I thought ya know that's fast but he said not IN love just LOVE.

He loved my smile the way I care about people(he saw me play with kids and stop people from fighting and talk to random people I didn't even know crying, and buying stuff for my friends and sticking up for my friends.)

I was having a hard time with my family I'm only 18 They kicked me out when I was turning 17 and I lived on the streets and I was doing a lot better got a phone a job my own stuff but I stay with a friend he knew all this stuff even way worse stuff.

My mom texts me mean stuff and I NEVER cry in front of people but he didn't mind and he would just talk with about life and how he was gonna do so much for me.

He called me momma and I thought it was kinda wierd but he said when we have kids they were gonna say daddy can I go outside and he was gonna say go ask momma so he might as well start now. Btw lets called him james.

So now we are at the point where I like Darrius more but James really likes me and I like him too just not as much.

I knew I had to make a decision cause I felt bad about messing with them both and they're friends but they weren't mad at each they're still really cool. Long story short I pick James! And that same night Darrius was going home after I said no I wouldn't take him home I wanted to stay with James, he got arrested for a warrant he had in another county he's 20 I felt so bad like it was my fault.

I told James I chose him but he kept getting mad that I was sad about darrius.

I started falling for James more and more this all in just a TWO WEEK PERIOD. (I know I'm dumb) James is 22.

We started arguing more he thought I was talking to other guys and he said I flirted to much with other people( our mutual friends that are boys) and I got mad that he wouldn't kiss me in front if people or act like we were as serious as he said he was.

Darrius got out of jail about 4 days later and the first thing he does is call me and say he's coming over .

All of us hangout at the same place a mutual friend house who's the sister of our friends and the woman I stay with she's 26 and has two little kids. So were over there hanging out cooking laughing and stuff everyday. And we all love in the same neighborhood or close by. So he gets there and all my emotions came back I thought I was over him but he said he wanted me and I was all he thought about and to give him a chance and I kissed him on the cheek and told him I didn't think that was best. But I was really flirty with him I see now In front of James.

We'll darrius leaves again (not to jail.. Home😂) and Darrius tells me he loves me and he really sees us going far I just get him like no one has before and I make him feel good about himself and he loves that I'm silly and so nice considering all I been through and I'm strong but I'm still too nice and that stuff has to stop. Then the good talk turned to an argument and he said he was going to do me how I do him.

A couple more days pass we work it out but it's kinda an everyday make up ,break up ,make up thing. So we got super drunk and we had sex 3 times and really it was amazing and the next day as soon as we wake up an arguement starts and I start crying and he says he doesn't like to see me like this and we make up and he makes me feel all happy again.

It's like I'm always about to break down like I've had it up to 99% and when we fight everything I've been dealing with boils over and when were on good terms I temporarily forget everything else.

We'll he got drunk again but I didn't like the way he was acting he kept pushing me away from him and telling me to go talk to my "other boyfriends" and this girl came over and she was turning 23 and she's pretty with her hair done and make up on and hoeish clothes. She's drunk and on this pill that's susposed to be a downer.

But i see him whisper in her ear and she leaves and comes back with more alcohol and she shows him the bottle then sits in his lap and he lets her oh yeah and we had got in an argument when she left to get the alcohol I said what were you whispering about to her in front everyone and he wouldn't answer and this 26 mom that's I stay with was like you like her a lot don't you (talking about me) and he said yeah I do I front of everyone which was a first. But I still wanted to know what he was whispering about. So she comes back abd blah blah you know.

So I leave out the room and I'm about to cry and I go outside and walk a bit and come back and James, the girl , 2 of the girls friends and the 26 yr old mom are in the living room I ignore it abd walk to the kids room and I hear all them yell you are so petty! And they walk to the kitchen and the girl is saying I don't care I don't care. I asked Morgan (the 26 mom) did he kiss her and she said no the girl kissed him and then he left the house I think he knew what happened was bad and didn't mean for it to go that far.

But he called my best friends boyfriend to pick him up I don't he could face me(seriously like everyone is really close friends) or associated with each other in some way.

That was 3 days ago and since then he's showed up to the house with her or already been there with her when I got back from school or leaving with her. I think it's to make me jealous we haven't talked at all and I peep him looking at me.

And Morgan told me that when I was asleep he came over abd watched he sleep for like 10 minutes and talked with her and left.

I'm really good at pretending. I had to pretend nothing was wrong for 16 years so I acted like I didn't care I said hey to everyone but him was even chill to the girl she usually isn't with us but has been more since the incident .

And she has a kid and she's very well known for fighting or "turning up" and being a hoe idk but they all say she's a hoe. We'll today she left without him and I was with my BFF cause she dates his bff and Morgan is my bff boyfriend sister abd me and my bff boyfriend used to have a thing but were cool now were actually really good friends and he introduced me to James.

But he isn't all over that girl if I didn't know what had happened I would just think they were friends and she got beat up by one of the girls she came with and even he made fun of her when she left and he was rapping about her and said she had me in a headlock kisding my face ew something something.

I think he's starting to notice " I don't care" (I really do) and is sorta trying to be in the same room of the house with me. The girl her name is Chelsea btw, Chelsea has two black eyes and her hair was in a ugly bun and she had on no make up and she's super skinny but ya know to each his own.

But I really want him back and idk what to do. I don't know if he was making all that stuff up or if he was serious and if he just messed up and doesn't know how to fix it so he's trying to ignore it and deal with the consequences or if he doesn't care but ik he has to a little at least cause the way he would act when I was flirting.

Idk if that was karma on me because I kissed the other boy darrius when he got out of jail not on the lips on the cheek he doesn't know that but that bitch karma does.

Soooo? Idk and I broke down when I heard he let her kiss him ON THE LIPS! I was punching the walls and doors and woke her kids and they were crying at was WAILING! And he was drunk so idk😩😩😩 and it's killing me cause I miss him so much. And that was 2 days ago and my hand still hurts and my knuckles are still swollen. I think I actually broke my finger😂😂 but please someone help wow that was a long story😨 and if it was all a lie why would he talk with me for HOURS just about me and my past and just rub my back and take pictures with me and he walked me to school 20 minutes away in the freezing cold and talked about what type of dog we were gonna have to why the sky is blue. From isn't life terrible to isn't life crazy to isn't like great.

And I'm horny like All the time and he was really good at it you guys. And he was so just NOT perfect and that's why it was so wonderful. Like I miss him so much. From forgetting to take his shoes off when he went to sleep to waking me up with kisses on my forehead to making sure I was eating( depression yall made me not eat) why would he go through all that if he seriously didn't care.?

I've asked my friends but they are no help. Morgan told me a day later from the incident that she heard he had went and had sex with another girl that night but it wasn't Chelsea she didn't think) and she doesn't know for sure .

And all my friends are on my side saying it was petty for him to do that but they've known him longer so they aren't mad at him.

When I ask for advice though they said I am really flirtatious and I should've looked at it from his point of view when I was flirting but I'm just a nice person like seriously I go out of my way and bend over backwards to make sure everyone is ok and we'll before myself .

I do t know if I should say something or keep my distance for a while and let him come back cause he's already showing signs like he wants me back like he played a whole bunch of songs like sometimes I mess up today