hatiek
 
Reply Fri 2 Jan, 2015 09:43 am
Around 1.5 months ago I met a girl (she is still a student) and I started a conversation with her. I like her from the very first beginning so I decided to ask her out and she accepted.

After one month dating each other, I found out that she is a real geek, she studies very hard to achieve high marks. In fact, she never went out with someone so that she can focus on school. This means that school is a real priority to her. After two weeks dating period, she told me that she does not like to meet on weekends and holidays because she can study all day long. In the end, I convinced her and she agreed to meet during the holidays. The next day she apologized about she had said the day before and we will meet during the holidays and weekends. So far so good. In our third week, we didn't met at all because she had to travel back to home so we did some skype calls and stuff. Then, we decided to meet on the 4th week but two hours before we met she texted me to cancel because she was very tired. What bother me is that she sleeps very little so that she can study and drink loads of coffee during the day to keep focusing and then she "sees" me like a burden. I know that she likes me but by her actions she shows that school is her solely priority. Moreover, exams are approaching soon and I do not want to end in a situation in which she concentrates only on her school and we do not meet at all because she needs to study. Yes, I do understand that she school is extremely important to her but in my opinion the initial dating days are very important and ignoring each other is never nice even during our busiest moments. So, I decided to talk to her about this and I told her that we need to come with a conclusion about this as this is frustrating. But, I was so tired that I couldn't think properly so I told her that I want to think a little bit and we discuss this another time and we agreed.

The thing is that the next morning she texted me that we better stop dating each other as this was the best situation for her. However, she did not to give me an explanation. She told me maybe she just need some time for herself and she changes her mind but she never knows. I BELIEVE that she is finding it very hard to compromise between school and dating a guy especially in the light of the fact that exams are around the corner. I do understand her as I have been in the exact situation a couple of years ago when I had my first relationship when I was a student but I learned to cope.. All I was expecting is that in her world full of studies, there will be some space for me even though we are very busy.

I know that she is a geek and I am her first guy during the school. In addition, I know that timing is actually very bad as exams are around the corner .Oh I am still a student as well and we attend to the same Unviersity. Moreover, we really liked each other and we really get along very very very well with each other but I do not what I should do. What do you think? Should I move on and forget her as her only priority is school? Or should I talk to her again and ask her out after the exams (and see if she genuinely rejects me)? Or is it her turn to talk me again?


 
bobsal u1553115
 
  2  
Reply Fri 2 Jan, 2015 09:54 am
Give her some space. She has priorities and if you really support her, you'll support her by not putting more pressure on you. This is not a competition between you and her goals. If you push it you'll go to far.

And then you'll be posting for advice to get her back.
hatiek
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Jan, 2015 10:20 am
@bobsal u1553115,
I want to giver her space and support but I hate it when her first priority is solely school.
Ragman
 
  3  
Reply Fri 2 Jan, 2015 10:51 am
@hatiek,
Quote:
I want to giver her space and support but I hate it when her first priority is solely school.

Well, that is not a great attitude. Fairly selfish, in fact. She has different needs than you and she stated what her needs and plans are. You either respect those and understand she is a separate individual or move on.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Jan, 2015 10:56 am
@hatiek,
The reality is that her top priority right now is school.

If you don't like it, move on. Leave her to her studying. It is what matters at this point in her life.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Jan, 2015 02:17 pm
It sounds like she has social anxiety. So it's easier to SAY she's studying, tired, etc. when the real reason is that she just can't get up to "dating." and all the pressures of that.

So - don't make it a date. Make it a study session.

She just has to get de-sensitized about meeting with you. Let her control the when and where.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Fri 2 Jan, 2015 02:39 pm
Give her plenty of space.

Quoting you:
Moreover, exams are approaching soon and I do not want to end in a situation in which she concentrates only on her school and we do not meet at all because she needs to study. Yes, I do understand that she school is extremely important to her but in my opinion the initial dating days are very important and ignoring each other is never nice even during our busiest moments. So, I decided to talk to her about this and I told her that we need to come with a conclusion about this as this is frustrating.

You poor thing, you want to control an initial dating experience to fit your philosophy of dating.. and do this at exam time?

Listen to the other person about who she is and what her preferences are. You seem to be making this your storybook.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Fri 2 Jan, 2015 02:55 pm
@hatiek,
You call the poor girl a geek... Instead of an intelligent young woman who knows what she wants out of life, will become someone because she is passionate about learning and getting it right.

Your focus is on a young woman who will give you all her time, because that is what "you" want.

Sad really because she liked you, if only you wished her success and let her study and was there when she had the time, after all she compromised and gave you some of her time, so she's not selfish.

My advise would be, she won't be the one for you. You sound as if you have no passions in life, no desire to be anyone, happy to study and just live day by day. She's got dreams, passions, goals. She needed understanding and support. Because it's her life and she "chose" to want to go somewhere in life.
0 Replies
 
hatiek
 
  1  
Reply Sun 4 Jan, 2015 05:55 am
@ehBeth,
Yes, her top priority is school right now.
I'm not saying I want to be a priority in her life but I want to have some space in her life you know. After all, finding a balance in life is crucial in life.
0 Replies
 
FBM
 
  1  
Reply Sun 4 Jan, 2015 06:35 am
@hatiek,
She is and will be a winner with or without you. She knows her priorities and is self-disciplined. Your only chance at meeting her standards is to support her studies and discipline yourself about your selfish and lesser interests. In other words, suggest study dates. Don't waste her time. I don't know what she's majoring in, but with her apparent intrinsic motivation and discipline, she may well be a star in her chosen field some day. If you continue to suggest activities that interfere with her plans, you will become anathema to her. If you're really interested in her, don't **** with her priorities. Instead, adapt to them.
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Sun 4 Jan, 2015 06:47 am
0 Replies
 
 

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