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HELP! Married but fallen for another man

 
 
Eliusa
 
  0  
Reply Sat 31 Jan, 2015 04:44 pm
@2crazy,
Ok, still do not understand 2 loves but it is just me.
Why not to get legal with cousin and make only 1 person unhappy instead of 3?
Is your husband violent type? Isn't there really anything you can think of?
2crazy
 
  1  
Reply Sat 31 Jan, 2015 05:17 pm
@Eliusa,
that's where it get more complicated there would be even more people unhappy. It would tare apart both there families Their parents are brother and sister and that would cause a mess, and my family would disown me. My husband has no clue so he's not unhappy and his cousin do his own thing. I think its harder on me so to keep the peace it's just better to leave it alone. I know that's sounds crazy but it's worked this long.
Eliusa
 
  0  
Reply Sat 31 Jan, 2015 05:33 pm
@2crazy,
OMG how I understand, you have no idea! I was just trying to see if there is solution to this mess. I sent you an article to read. It is all about it. Heartbreaking but very good.
I was just thinking now when cousin isn't married...well, screw this love crap!
If it only went somewhere. On its on. Urghhhh
2crazy
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Feb, 2015 11:24 pm
@Eliusa,
I read it and sounds very close to some of my stuff except we accept there is not a future for us. I have went through all kinds of this way and that way and I cant come up with a better fix. We could spill the beans and watch the war but that wouldn't be good on a whole lot of people including my kids so thats out. or we could cut all tie including text, fb and running into each other at family stuff but that wouldn't work. As a matter of fact, me my husband and our 3 kids were at hos couisns house today. That cousin lives with his parents, they are older and he helps them and they help watch his 3 kids so it works for them. Anyway had to see him today and hadn't been really around him in a while cause I try to stay away but seeing him really got to me. And what is so weird is, well you would kind of have to know this family they are all happy and friendly a socialize with each other. Well we had our little codes that sound like just normal talking but the two of us know what the other is really saying. He goes into his bedroom and it is right next to the living room so I finally work my way to his room door left open nothing going on as you could tell, just looked like a couple of friends hanging out. He is laying on the bed and I just sit down near his legs and could feel his legs against my back so I lean against them like you would a chair and instead of it feeling out of place it felt more right than I can explain. My little one came in there and even my husband came in when it was almost time to go to give me a heads up about leaving. Then he goes and starts talking to his uncle for another 30 minutes. So giving the choices of leave it alone, cut all ties or blow up every ones life does not leave me with much choice at all. I can not resist him I have tried many many times.
Eliusa
 
  0  
Reply Mon 2 Feb, 2015 10:21 am
@2crazy,
Yep, here comes in play my question about pointless love and how to get rid of it. Haven't found any solutions yet. And you right, with small kids - no friggin way you can wreck that! I can't with grown ups. So I feel your pain my dear.
0 Replies
 
yarnrelief
 
  1  
Reply Tue 17 Feb, 2015 05:47 pm
I think the best thing to do is be with the other man and not your husband. Also, maybe its best to separate yourself from both men for a while to clear your head. I think you know what you want, just what you "should" do is weighing on you.

Good luck
Eliusa
 
  0  
Reply Wed 18 Feb, 2015 07:48 am
@yarnrelief,
Unfortunately herself separating from both men will raise a questions.
Families are going to be torn by her leaving.
Leaving is not easy financially and morally.
This situation sucks.
I am seeing phsychologist in a few days for the same exactly reason.
Want a pill. Can't stop the pain, though we both in love but for the
same reason we can't break 2 families we must suffer. Well.
0 Replies
 
sally27
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jul, 2015 08:16 pm
LIFE UPDATE...

Miss me??

So my husband and I tried counseling, everything out on the table. We learned a lot. But the biggest thing we discovered is that we could not make it work. Aside from the affair there were too many things - yes some could be worked on/ had been worked on, some were just tell tale signs that neither of us would be happy with the other person.

So we got divorced.

I have never felt this true to myself and this relieved. The struggle between us is over, we both are happier and moving on with our lives. Its like I can breathe and be myself, whoever that is, I'm starting to figure out/ re-figure out as an individual.

In terms of the other man, he is impossibly understanding about everything, and we've both helped each other through extremely rough times. I decided to continue to see him, taking a whole new lead on life and the type of person I want to be and who I want to be in a relationship. He encourages my honesty and being true to myself first and foremost. I am still moving across the state for my job, and we are unsure about what will happen to us as a couple, but we are enjoying every split second of each other.

Finishing Graduate school really helped, I have less distractions and more time to figure everything out. Its really easy to lose yourself in your work, and I do it well. Too well. Going forward its become important that I make time for me and for those who matter to me.

Eliusa
 
  0  
Reply Tue 7 Jul, 2015 08:03 am
@sally27 ,
WOW! Just WOW!
Congratulations.
Make me cry...I am so happy for you.
0 Replies
 
 

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