He needs time??

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Hi all. This is my first post. I'm anxious to see everyones opinions on this.

I have been dating this guy for 10 months. I really really like him, maybe even love him. He is 39 & I'm 38. We both have kids froma previous marriage. My ex is very involved but his ex is not in the picture. He has raised his two girls on his own for 10 years. His youngest has been pretty sick lately. She was admitted into ths hospital Monday night.

We were texting from work on Monday. This is our conversation. Please let me know what you think of this.

Me "Hey hows your day going? you busy today?"
Him "Yeah."
Him "My daughter is still sick. Might have to put her in the hosp. Not sure yet"
Me "Really? When will you know?"
Him" Just preoccupied here ok?"
Me "OK, but when will you know if she goes in?"
Him "I need some time"
Him "Not 20 questions"
Me "Time for what?"
Me "Ok, I won't ask any questions about her. I'm sorry"
Him "I need to concentrate of getting her feeling better"
Me "I understand that"
Me "But I'm not quite sure what you are saying. Do you want me to stop texting you?"
Me "Or just not ask questions?"

He never replied. I know he has been distant lately, but he has been stressed about his daughter. I've never been told someone needs time before, and his daughter is a ligit reason, I think.

Did he politely break up with me? Or is he just asking for time to get her better? He has been up at the hospital with her 24/7. I haven't talked with him but with soeone else who knows him.

How much time do I give him? A week & then text to check on her?

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,209 • Replies: 37

Did you not understand him when he said he was too preoccupied to play texting game with you? His child is SICK for crissakes!!

You should have said, "I understand . Let me know if there's anything I can do. Please call me tomorrow with an update.'

1 Reply

@Momto4,

Quote:

How much time do I give him? A week & then text to check on her?

Yeah, I think that's fair.
Some guys go into a me, myself and I mode when they experience pressure.
Don't take it personal.
Like Punkey said. The last thing on his mind is a budding romance.

2 Replies

@PUNKEY,

Yeah I didn't understnad that he didn't wanna text anymore until after I re-read the tests yesterday. Sad

usually he would say ttyl or something like that. I feel dumb

0 Replies

@panzade,

I can't help but take it personal.
I understand that it's all about his daughter right now, as it should be. I would be the same way if it were one of my kids. But I wouldn't shut him out. But that's how he is.
I'm just worried that I messed up some how by not understanding when he said he was preoccupied. He would either say ttyl or stop texting if he was busy, so I didn't get the hint. Sad

1 Reply

@Momto4,

Well, he asked for some time, so give it to him.

Yes, it is a concern that he blocked you out when you might think he would want you close to him for support. That says something about your relationship. But you can talk to him about this LATER. Be patient.

2 Replies

@PUNKEY,

He doesn't open up & is a pretty private person.
She is still in the hospital, and I am worried about her. I hope everything is ok.
When is it ok to text him to check on her?

2 Replies

@PUNKEY,

Also, did he break up with me or just needs time do you think?

1 Reply

@Momto4,

Are you able to get info from that third party you talked about?

How about a: "Still here for you if you need anything. You both are in my prayers."

AND THAT's ENOUGH. The ball is in his court, then.

1 Reply

@Momto4,

How about calling and letting him know (with your actual voice) that you're concerned about his daughter. Ask him if there is anything you can do to keep things going at home. Let him know you'll wait to hear from him to find out how you can help.

try to pay more attention to the clues in the texts when you get them. Hopefully he'll forget that you got too pushy at the wrong moment.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

I just know his daughter is still in the hospital but I won't be able to know how she's doing from that person.
Yeah I plan on texting just to check on her &tell him I'm here if he needs anything. Nothing about us.
Can I do that now or wait a day or so still?

0 Replies

@Momto4,

do you see that you're going into what he called ''20 questions'' mode here?

it may be your default when you get anxious but you should probably pay attention to that habit

0 Replies

@ehBeth,

He doesn't answer his phone...ever. Not just me but anyone, so all I would get is his voicemail.

1 Reply

@Momto4,

leave him a voicemail

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

leave him a voicemail

What a novel idea, right? Rolling Eyes

Although, don't leave a message that has a similar tone as your texts. In my opinion, you should just leave him alone for awhile, until he has you back on his radar.

To me (and I'm a female) you were really being pushy, playing the 20 questions game, and he said right up front he was busy.

I've had to deal with a person close to me going in and out of the hospital, and to tell you the truth, while concern is appreciated, I hate when someone seems to want to know a blow by blow discription of what's going on.

I'm busy thinking, getting information and making decisions, and it's really irritating when someone keeps texting asking things I can't know at that moment. In addition, he may really want some alone time to deal with his situation. To me personally, you sound like you are hovering.

1 Reply

@chai2,

Oh...especially this part of your texting would have been maddening to me....

Him "My daughter is still sick. Might have to put her in the hosp. Not sure yet"
Me "Really? When will you know?"
Him" Just preoccupied here ok?"
Me "OK, but when will you know if she goes in?"

My brain would be saying after your last message "Lady, I JUST told you I'm preoccupied. What do you not understand about that! If I knew when/if she had to go in I would have told you.....BACK.....OFF....."

However, if he would have texted you that, you probably would have said "yeah but....when will you know?"

1 Reply

@chai2,

Like I said I didn't realize I was being like that until after I re-read the texts. I feel dumb about it, I really do. I realize I was wrong. I didn't mean to come across as pushy. Ugh...

2 Replies

@Momto4,

Don't beat yourself up anymore.
Give it a rest and report back to us at 0800 hours

He needs time??

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