I could use some advice. I'm a gay guy who's really new to dating. I've been chatting on a dating site with another gay guy on and off for months. We've had some really good conversations, and it seems like we could get along really well. Also he's really cute (I looked him up on Facebook). But I think he has never been on a date with another guy before, and I'm not sure how far out he is.
I've asked him a couple of times if he wanted to get together for coffee. About a month ago he said yes, but that he was pretty busy and could only meet on weekends. (I believe him when he says this.) We shot some messages back and forth, and about two weeks ago he asked if I were available on Sunday (which is now last Sunday). Last Friday (a week ago), I messaged him asking if he wanted to have coffee on Sunday. He didn't check his messages until late Sunday evening, when he sent me a message apologizing and saying that maybe we could meet up this week or weekend. He also sent me his number and asked me to text him so we could set something up. My impression is that giving his number out is a big step for him.
So I texted him on Monday, and again Wednesday, to see when we could meet up. He has not responded to either text, and it's now Friday. I'm wondering if I should still hope that we can meet up, or should I give up and move on. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, and that what's going on is that he's busy and is still new to dating other guys. (I remember how big of a step it was for me to go on a date with another guy for the first time. Those of you who aren't gay, just trust me: for a lot of guys, it's a big step to start dating other guys, even if you fully accept yourself as gay.) But part of me wonders if it's time to tell him that he needs to stop sending mixed signals: please either go on a date with me or stop expressing interest in going on a date with me.
So, any thoughts? Do I keep hoping that this guy will follow through and have coffee with me? Is there a way that I can nicely tell him to stop sending mixed signals? Or do I just try to move on? Thanks for reading, and sorry for the length of this. As you can tell, I've got a significant emotional investment in this.
Sadly, IMHO, I think it's time to move on. Not sure telling him about him sending mixed signals will yield that much, but at least telling him will get it off your chest.
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jespah
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Fri 26 Sep, 2014 11:00 am
@Hidalgo23,
I think you should go and do what you wish with others (e. g. dating, coffee, etc.). If he's interested, he'll pursue things. If not (or if he is closeted/scared), then you've got your answer, too. And you probably don't want to be hanging around and waiting for someone who can't decide on that.
That is, don't be too available.
Please forgive me but now this song is in my head. Enjoy The Kinks and welcome to A2K!
Ha ha, thanks to all three of you for the answers (and the songs!).
I figured enough was enough, and sent him a gentle text last night saying that it was hard to tell if the lack of response was due to a lack of time or a lack of interest. I said that either was fine, but that it was the latter it would be nice to know.
There has been no response. I guess it's time to try and move on. Damn! We'd had some pretty in-depth chats online; he seemed to really like me.
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panzade
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Sat 27 Sep, 2014 08:26 am
@Hidalgo23,
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CalamityJane
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Sat 27 Sep, 2014 10:36 am
This could start a new trend: answering questions with a song!
Brilliant guys!!
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Setanta
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Sat 27 Sep, 2014 11:41 am
Í'm really disappointed . . . i was so late . . . i showed up to post "Tied of waiting," only to find that that darned ol' Jespah has beat me . . .
Today he texted me the following: "Sorry for not getting back to you, it's been a busy week. Want to grab coffee sometime in the near future?" We shall see if this goes anywhere.
Well, I was wrong about him. He has a boyfriend, and is just looking for friends. I was quite shocked; he was under the impression that he had mentioned having a boyfriend. (He had not.) I do believe him that this was an honest miscommunication, but d*mn!
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