Is this cheating?

Let's just remove the entire social laws of reality, and look at universal laws.

Is there guilt when we cheat on another person. Yes or no? This is all that needs to be answered to understand if the BRAIN is programmed for it or against it. And no, "I'm not guilty because this and that" is not an answer - denying your guilt does not mean there isn't guilt there. Denying it in the first place is demonstrating there is guilt.

How did the partners in the hypothetical marriage define cheating before they were married?

Partners don't define adultery, Beth.

You have sex out of wedlock; you are committing adultery.

That is your opinion.

I do not agree with you.

That's because you have no emotions.

Not having emotions makes you a psychopath.

You do not live life; you live death.

You lost your childhood innocence, enthusiasm and creativity. Such a shame that you lost your green and turned grey like the rest of this industrial world.

Just the standard typical way I suppose?

The guy was an Accountant and the girl was a Doctor. They never even thought to consider Movie's because it wasn't on their radar at all. I suppose you could say, this question is their defining of cheating, and they need your help! :-)

And. If kissing is okay for the movie, can they go further?


Looking forward to your response.

Hi, I agree with Secret V that if you are making this question is because you feel like you did cheat. Truth is that cheating is absolutely relative. Fidelity comes from the Latin word fides, that means trust. Being unfaithful means to be untrue to one's duties and promises. But most of those promises, when it comes to romance, are completely dissolved when the couple break up, and I would have assumed she had implicitly dumped you, and you were on your right to move on.

who is Secret V?

I already provided the definition of the promises.


I don't understand why it is so difficult for people to straightly answer this question. This is the 3rd forum I've asked it, and I'm yet to find anyone brave enough to be straightforward.

The Secret V crap is because that response is copied/pasted from Yahoo Answers.
https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20111031052656AAVGujK

PS As for your question, movies involve kissing all the time. Rarely do professionals (note I am using the term here) break up or divorce over it. As for "going further", that makes me wonder if you're talking about making a porno here, which is a whole other ball o' wax.

Interesting question.

If you are being paid to be in a movie and it calls for you to kiss, I really don't think you could call that cheating. But, if it is something new (the whole being in a movie thing) that you have never done before, then why would you do it without discussing it with your spouse? And if your spouse is not comfortable with you doing that, then why would you do something that would make uncomfortable the one person you supposedly care about more than anyone else?

But I don't think I would call it cheating. Now, if you expand the movie scene and you are talking about simulated sex on screen, then you open up a whole new can of worms. While the same argument can be used above (it's my job) I'm not sure a lot of spouses would understand. But still, I would not go so far as to call it cheating.

But if we expand it a bit farther and you are being paid to have actual sex in a movie (porn industry) then I think a line has been crossed and you are cheating, regardless of the fact that you are being paid to do so. But I admit that believing this is somewhat arbitrary on my part.

As for me personally, I would have no qualms kissing as part of a movie role (as long as my wife were ok with it, and I thing she would be) but would not be involved in any role that went further. But that is just my personal morals.

In fact, this question intrigues me enough that I am going to pose this to my wife tonight. I'm curious to know her thoughts now.

It is not cheating if it happens with the full knowledge and approval of your spouse. This includes sex with another person.

If kissing (or hugging, or fellating or anything else you can imagine) upsets your spouse and causes problems in your marriage, then who cares if it is technically "cheating or not".

Cheating is a subjective term, the only two opinions that matter are your's and your spouse's.

Talk to your spouse.

Best response so far, thank you.


Here's a follow up question.


What if, some random person with a camera and a dream to make a movie; offered you or your wife some money to be involved in a passionate kissing scene, that may or may not take a few takes?

This person may not be Hollywood, but everyone has to start somewhere. The person pays the money up front. Does this change anything?

If not, what is the difference between this person and a guy who sets up a stand at the beach, offering girls money to make out with him for 10 seconds on camera to make a youtube video?

I am assuming, you or your wife would consider the other person "cheating" if they were kissing someone else for free. Thus, can it be argued, that money is the reason you give a pass to what you would otherwise deem as adulterous behavior?

It is also very interesting that you wouldn't accept anything further than kissing. What about a scene where your wife is kissing the actor as they strip eachother down to their underwear, roll in the bed, and pull the covers as the scene ends to give the suggestion they had sex.


Further... As you have stated, to allow straight up "Porn Film" isn't acceptable, yet, its contrary to your argument that says kissing is okay. Could this mean that, you actually don't believe money gives a free pass to even the slightest forms of adultery? I think so...I think, you are like me, and just never had to consider it being a variable in your own life, and that we sorta just accepted that people do it all the time.


Looking forward to your reply

Yes Madancona, in the theoretical story, you can see we are talking.

her argument is that kissing for money is still cheating, that the kissing is real, only the love is simulated. we need your help to why it is cheating or why it is not cheating. She upsets me by not letting me take my life to the new level, but if she is right and I am wrong, I won't do the movie scene.

There is no right or wrong.

The only thing that matters is your relationship. There are two people involved and two sets of feelings. You two will have to work this out in a way that both of you feel good about.

It would be simpler if there were some source absolute truth you could refer to. But, sorry, that doesn't exist. Everyone you ask will have their own opinion on the matter and really no opinion matters except for the two people in your relationship.

You and she will have to work it out for yourselves.

It's all about intention.

Let's think about this.

If to make money in this world requires us to betray our partners,

then... why do people sacrifice everything for love, EXCEPT MONEY.

"voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse."

I really don't agree with this definition because I tend to think adultery and infidelity are interchangeable. With that said, I think receiving/giving oral sex (other than your partner) is adultery/infidelity. I also think passionately kissing someone other than your spouse is adultery/infidelity. With that said your hypothetical situation is one of those gray areas when it comes to the discussion of infidelity/adultery because acting is a fictional portrayal of a character other than yourself, so in essence when you engage in kissing someone other than your spouse you're in essence not emotionally portraying who you are, but someone else for purposes of cinematic enjoyment for people.

This particular situation would have to be defined by the couple and the expectation and understanding of the boundaries that the couple sets for themselves. For some, some people cannot deal with their significant other who constantly engages in sexual activity (e.g pornstars). So is it cheating if someone is paying you to kiss? Well it depends on your relationship.

What about swingers?

I agree it's all about the initial contract...but if the possibility was unforeseen, it should have been discussed rather than arguing about it in retrospect. Many actors engage in relationships due to intimate behavior which sparked attraction. Look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie....there are tons of examples. It is natural to feel aroused when chemical attraction is sparked.