Best Friend Dead - How To Recover.

I am sorry for your loss, Mark. Pets are such an important part of our lives. You will grieve. You will have memories. And you will be better for having loved him.

you have my deepest sympathy. I can't give you a really helpful suggestion because I feel that we all grieve in different ways and different rates. Cliché after cliché about taking one day at a time does no good, though it's true.

I can only relate that when I lost my 2 elderly cats 6 yrs ago...all within a month or so of each other, I was devastated. It too k me a few months to not think about them and feel that emptiness. Eventually I moved on. A few years later I got a dog. and a different pet relationship developed. I had been thinking I'd never have a pet again. that sentiment changed and am I'm happy that it did.

It's now six years since I had to take my little Girl Greyhound for her final appointment at the Vets, and I still dream about that awful moment, even now.
There is nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel better, but maybe it helps you to know that there are people out there who understand exactly what you are going through.
Maybe leave it for a little while and then think about rescuing another little friend.
I've said on four occasions now "never again", but here I am with a 5 year old who gets me running around after him like his personal butler, and I'm loving every minute as usual.

The only thing you can really do right now is take a deep breath and keep it in mind that you gave a special dog a loving home.

I am so sorry for your loss and you have all my sympathy. I've gone through this more than once and it never gets easier. Every dog I've ever had was mourned and grieved over for quite a while and every time I said: no more!!

Then one wakes up in the morning, jumps out of bed thinking the dog needs walking; the glass door is all clean - no dog has licked on it, put its nose to it. Something is missing! A trip to the local shelter is in order and there is this little something waiting patiently for us to take it home - and we do!
Every dog is precious, they melt your heart over and over again and while we never forget our departed four-legged friends, we always have room in our heart for another one.

Thankyou for your kind and unpretentious comments folks.
I, admittedly, went to bits as he silently suffered each successive excruciating spasm, held him tight, propped-up his head with clean, folded blankets. Dripped water, from a spoon, into his glued-up mouth, to thin the sticky saliva, and demanded the universe grant me the ability to suffer his agony.
Death is not an issue with me. Nor is self-pity.
Being helpless in my beloved's most agonising moments IS.
I Don't miss him - He's ever-present. I do regret not having a strong sedative to ease his passing.
His 'brother' has shown no signs of change since - Which I monitored closely, and fully expected. He is simply unphased by his 'brother's' disappearance.
I'd like to put this to you though...
Brown - Is a 'dog' dog - has routines around our regularities, never steps into the emotive realm, he just does as you'd expect from a drone.
Spot, on the other hand, hid our keys so we couldn't leave home, watched tv, lured us out the garden then jump-slammed the door closed - then wagged his tail and jumped around while we climbed through windows - He planned, schemed and (seemingly) pissed himself laughing at our gullibility.
I'm not projecting when I suggest that there are two distinct types of personalities in dogs 'dog' dogs and 'people' dogs.
Q: Have you encountered this?
Q: Do you believe this to be 'breed' related?
Q: Is this apparent in other animals?

Spot was a cross lab/Jack - I know both breeds are highly rated as intelligent.
Brown is staff/boxer - responsive, but not very bright.

I'll rescue another dog in a few weeks, but I'll definitely be looking for a 'people' dog. I like the cheeky, unpredictability of them.

Thankyou for sharing, folks!

As for recovering, only time will help. I still dream of our little dog girl who died a year ago in April. I am consoled that she died at home, among those she loved and who loved her.

I've observed that there are "dog" dogs and "people" dogs, but not that it has anything to do with breed.

I agree. I've had four dogs since I was a kid, and two of them could definitely work things out and seemingly planned what to do in order to get what they wanted.
The first one used to hide at certain times of day, as he knew we were all going out and he was due to be shut in the kitchen.
His hiding places were quite ingenious, and even when we'd sussed out where he was, he used to keep dead still, just in case we were bluffing.

The best place was under my parent's bed. It had sliding doors and storage space underneath, and he would go round the other side (not viewable from the door) and use his paw to slide the door back, before sliding in amongst the spare blankets.

Once, he watched my Dad build a much higher front gate, as he (the dog, not my dad) would keep jumping it so he could visit his many and varied girlfriends.
My Dad finished the job, and ss he was packing up his toolbox, the dog appeared at the other side of the gate, looked at us stupid himans and trotted happily off to his hot date.
We searched the entire length of the front hedge to find a hole, but never could work out his escape route. We gave up, and over the years, many replicas of that dog appeared around the area.

Another worked out how to suck all the chocolate out of the Christmas tree decorations, without distorting the silver casing too much, so as not to alert anyone to the crime.

Dogs are great, and I can't see how people live without them.

I've had extended exposure to Border Collies as well as miniature French Poodles (non-neurotic). My Border Collie, Brady, was/is very oriented to chasing balls, Frisbees and tasks outside in the park. He is a 'dog' dog who prefers challenges both physical and mental. He is neutral to the presence of other dogs. He expresses his participation with other dogs through chasing tasks. He was a rescue dog so his people skills are odfd..he doesn't seek out affection or give it..in obvious ways. It's all about the task and the challenge. He's not unfriendly...he won't avoid patting..just doesn't seek it out. Think Asperger.,..Rainman.

If I threw a ball in apartment he ran out of space chasing it so there wasn't enough room here. He needed far more exercise than I could give him based on my declining health and fading finances.

When I became ill, I had to make other arrangements to give Brady a better living space and lifestyle. I found a dear friend who had lots of room and is a dog trainer by profession. she fell for Brady so we arranged her to adopt him. He and she are very happy and compatible in the new living arrangement. I get to see Brady whenever I want as she lives across town. she's even kind enough to send my videos or still pics.

Coincidentally, around the time things had to change her with Brady, I inherited Jellybean a people dog from my sister's estate.
Her personality is such where she seeks me out, brings me her toys to toss around and never has a space problem due to her small 12.5 lb size. She will sit on my lap for comfort and companionship, but if I don't want that, she'll find a space nearby and be quite satisfied. She seeks no challenges and teaches me what the new game will be. she has some interesting quirks and makes me laugh all the time.

Without having these 2 dogs at the time of my life (living alone), I'd have been in institution.

sorry for the news of your buddy. I too lost a great 'Independent" breed dog about a year ago and I still futz with his grave site where we planted all kinds of flowers and ****.
Independence is almost a sign of intelligence because you have to keep such dogs busy or they initiate their own forms of entertainment and these are guaranteed to piss you off.

Somehow YOU started the door thing and the dog quickly learnt the physics of hinges and locks and how it really annoyed you.

If they cannot be dominant, they need to be "needed" and business with some function fits the bill. Weve had catahoulas and Border Collies because we have a sheep farm and herding is what they live for.
Their routines include allowing us to clen em up after field work and even wash em if needed before coming into the "human caves"

Its our lt in life to outlive our canine and feline buddies.

oops...caught this typo and needed to edit for clarity:



Should be ... "she seeks new challenges."

Truer words have sorta, kinda, more or less never been spoken, er, written. I guess.
Cheers, anyhow. You made my afternoon.

So very sorry to read about Spot.

As Set said, our old girldog is very much missed and grieved.

The old man dog is 17 now and not doing terribly well. I fear that he will not make it through another winter, but as long as he is happy and not in pain (other than a bit of old dog arthritis than canine aspirin helps with), we will love him and take care of him and put up with all of his new foibles. He (Bailey, the old man dog) and I have been through a lot together. He had to learn to trust humans and it was not easy for either of us. He was/is more of a dog dog than a people dog and needs his work and challenges.

Our new girl dog was a mama in a puppy mill and has really become a people dog after four years living in a crate - she's more of a charmer than a worker and I have come to appreciate that about her. Set calls her the rockstar because of the way people react to her - making her work just seems wrong - she needs an entourage. You'd think she was a cat

Mark...I'm sorry for your pain. I lost my beloved Sam( my avatar) recently. I cried at times for several days( I'm not a crier..couldn't help it). It gets better. If he didn't have an impact on your life , you wouldn't feel a thing....But-- it hurts like hell to have to let go of something precious to us.

Unfortunately there is no easy way to recover from the loss of a loved one whether they be a human or a dog, and I can appreciate that the pain can be just as great in either case.

It's cliche, but it takes time.

I've experienced the loss of both and in every case with my dogs it's been extremely painful, but not so with every human I've lost. This is due in large measure to the fact that I have "known" a lot more people than dogs, and because of the special, less complicated bond that can be established between human and dog. Less complicated, of course, doesn't mean more superficial.

While "experts" write of certain stages of grief, everyone experiences it somewhat differently and finds different ways to deal with it. It doesn't ever completely go away because the loved one never comes back, but, with time, it lessens.

For me, and specifically with my dogs, I have found that thinking about them and how I loved them and how they seemed to love me was very helpful. I looked at pictures of them, and kept their belongings (bed, toys, food bowls) around the house for several weeks after they passed. I'm sure that for some people this would only intensify the grief, but for me it was helpful.

I also found it was very helpful to talk to other people who had lost a dog. Most of them "get it," and you won't hear "For Chrissake, it's only a dog!" Almost everyone who "gets it," has many happy memories of their friend which they are glad to talk about, and they'll also be glad to listen to you talk about Spot.

It's helpful too that the consequences of your dog's passing are actually very limited in scope. There is an emotional void you have to deal with, but there aren't issues with estates, caring for children left behind, lost income, and all of the everyday matters that survive a person who has passed and intrude upon your grieving. For some people, I'm sure, these matters help to distract them from their grief, but I've always resented them and found them complicating sources of additional anxiety and stress that laid on top of grief made the passing all the more difficult to come to terms with.

It's also very helpful to know that if you loved your dog, then he surely loved you with all his heart and was very happy. Dogs are so wonderful because they want and even need to love you and will, unconditionally, even if you don't treat them as well as you can. It doesn't take much to make a dog happy, and from what you've shared, I have no doubt that Spot was very happy throughout his entire life. The same can't be said for people.

He also lived a very long life for a dog of the size he appears to be in your avatar. My last dog was a Lab and he only made it to 10 and my current dog is also a Lab and she is now 10. Given her current physical condition, I can't imagine we'll have her with us another 6 years, but she's happy because we love her and give her attention.

So you can take solace in the fact that Spot led a long and happy life, with someone he loved very much.

People feel differently about replacing a lost pet. We went several years without another dog after Logan died, but it wasn't because of a sense that he could never be "replaced," and we didn't want to try. Of course he couldn't be replaced, but it was circumstances rather than emotion that accounted for the time period between him and Nala.

I realize Nala could probably go any time now, but there's no point in dwelling on it and it just means we appreciate her even more now. We don't have anything like a plan for when she passes, but I don't see us living the rest of our lives without a dog in the house, so when the time comes, we'll see how we feel.

We're both 60 now and while we have always had big dogs, if we do get another, it won't be big. I never thought I could stand a small dog, but that was silly. My daughter has a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and he's a hoot. I could easily see one in our future.

Thinking about getting another dog may not seem right at this time, but it can also be helpful.

So, at the end of all this there still isn't an easy way to deal with the grief and like I wrote, you will never completely recover, in the sense that you will find yourself missing Spot for the rest of your life. It won't be daily, and it may not be very often, but you will miss him and it will be bitter-sweet.

But bitter-sweet isn't bad, and it's never a bad thing to remember with fondness someone (human or dog) who has passed. The alternative is that they have been completely wiped from existence and that seems horrible.

Hang in there Mark. It will get better. Treasure the time you had with Spot and keep the memories alive.

Thankyou for your kindness Germlat. Though I feel no pain - I was drained, both physically and mentally, by Spot's final hrs and the digging a big hole/burying-process, but am completely unphased (Like Brown) on the 'loss' aspect. 'Loss', to me, is a form of self-pity, it has no benefit.
I have many memories of many things (Spot being one of them) and enjoy reflecting on much, but no longing for recurrence.
I understand how much more the loss can affect others - especially the aged and solitary.
I perceive 'time' linearly - tend not to anniversaries, birthdays, xmas etc - So have no calendrical attachments for my emotions to oblige. I only exist in the 'now'
I have friends and colleagues that, annually, go through emotional upheavals - all grief-related - and though I sympathise with them, I also question (silently) their cultural predispositions to societal conditioning.
When discussing Spot's demise with friends this week - I was offered no sympathy, nor was any implied - When discussing with 'mates' and colleagues - Pretentious condolences, deferred eye-contact and discreet avoidance ensued - As expected...
One of the best qualities in dogs (Lacking in most ppl) is their abilty to "Come as themselves" no masks or bullshit attached.

Once again, I see kindness and compassion in a realm where such attributes come seldom. This warms, inspires and draws my interest. I am touched by each of you who have shared your thoughts and experiences here on this thread.
Please continue to share - Or I will just re-read.
Cheers folks!

Only time would cure you, I had the same feeling when my cat is dead....

You've said Spot was dead before. When I tried to support you emotionally you said you had no attached emotion to the animal. I guess you just want attention.

What?
Why would I say my dog (Best friend ever) was dead, when he wasn't?
Are you fkn demented?
I don't require support, you prick. Death is not an issue with me - Because it is merely transition of energy.
Do respond with evidence of your claim........... please...?
Fkn retard!