Asexuality-a new orientation or made up/denial/weirdoes?

No harm at all. I suppose I'm being persnickity about the term, but only on an intellectual level. More power to them if that's how they want to be identified.

I don't really care what people call each other as long as it is not ridiculing or insulting.

But don't we have enough labels? To say that a person never has a sex drive their entire life from puberty to death, I'm not buying it. Which means they are either hetero or homo. I don't even believe in bi. They're just greedy. But ultimately end up on one side of the fence, not straddling it.

The most basic human instinct is survival, and to survive we must procreate. I don't believe a person is asexual by choice. If their sex drive is lacking for an extended period, I figure it's due to an emotional or hormonal or physical problem that should be diagnosed and remedied.

Huh. "Asexual". Back in the day we used to call that "celibate". It was quite popular amongst thw nuns.

I agree with everything you said except the part about diagnosing and remedying the situation. Why is this something that should be "cured"? I'm sure in many cases it is a symptom of depression, or some other problem, but I am equally sure that some people just don't want to have sex. Let 'em be, I say.

I think an emotional problem should be diagnosed and cured. I think a physical problem should be diagnosed and cured. I think a physical problem should be diagnosed and cured. The desire for sex - or lack thereof - is a byproduct. I believe a healthy person has a desire for sex. They may choose or not choose to act on it. But the desire is normal and healthy and if the desire is missing, something else is wrong.

It makes sense that there is a range of desire, just as there is a range of everything else in sexuality -- I don't think everyone, if equally healthy, would have the exact same level of libido. So it's not a stretch for me to think that given this range, some people will fall on one side of it (little to no libido) while some will fall on the other (a whole lot of libido) and the majority somewhere in between.

I'm not clear why a low libido/lack of libido is, by definition, a bad thing.
I'm with soz on the range of sexual desire and response that is out there.
It's much like the spectrum of sexual orientation - which I see as ranging from 99% homosexual to 99% heterosexual, with stops all the way along through bisexuality.

I think there are truly people who have no interest in sex. For some it may be a result of a disease process. For others it is simply who they are. Nothing new about it. Nothing wrong with it.

I agree completely with EhBeth and Soz on this.
And past a continuum of general human libido and orientation, there are ebbs and flows, as it were, with one person over time that are perfectly natural and healthy.

I agree there are ebbs and flows. My reference was to an extended long term period. Choosing to be abstinate is not the same as never having a libido. The "never" part is what I doubt. Not the "every now and then".

Reviving this thread
I'd be glad to answer any questions on asexuality. Just to skim over a few,

It's quite different from celibacy. That is optional (or, in some cases as in the case of some clergy) forced - sort of a matter of "will power." I have no sex drive.

Asexual isn't a new word we created just for "us".

Yes, it IS very hard in a world where social life is so identified with sex but I'm a "survivor" (42 years). Don't need "curing" because for the person I am, there's nothing "wrong". Obviously from a sexual person's point of view, there IS, how could someone who does have a sex drive NOT think of it as something "wrong"? There are antisexuals who think ALL sex is wrong. I'm not even going to TRY to understand that, that's just a part of who they are. Aside from a yearly check up, tho', I don't think a doctor needs me to waste his time by saying "y'know doc, I don't have a sex drive and it's okay...what can you do about it?"

SHOULD it be researched? Only if a person is unhappy with who they are they may want to pursue and see if it IS something physcially wrong, something repressive and others may want to find something that CREATES a sex drive. Many asexuals would rather bake a cake. I would...if my culinary skills were any better!

We are as diverse a community as you are. There ARE some who are antisexual but by no means all of us. Asexuality and Antisexuality are two different things. I am not repulsed by sex. I think it's something very private and between the people involved but I don't view it as disgusting, others do. Same as others view homosexuality as wrong. Again, I think it's very private and between the people involved but I don't view it as disgusting. Truthfully, I don't think about sex AT ALL unless it's relevant to the topic of conversation.

My time at the libarary is ticking away and there's someone else to use the computer. I'll check back in, if anyone has any questions, no matter how bizarre you may think it is - ask away becaue there's probably someone who has the same question who is too shy to ask. IF it is offered to me with the same respect I've given you, fire away. If not, please don't expect a reply.

toodles for now,cijay

Thanks for the post, cijay. This was a really interesting thread when the original question was posted. Maybe you'll have revived a good discussion!

Asexuality
I find it hard to truly believe that anyone can not, from time to time, want, or feel the need to indulge in the act of sex. Of course, I am not putting anyone down who is truly living that lifestyle, but for me, Buffy said it the best:


"But don't we have enough labels? To say that a person never has a sex drive their entire life from puberty to death, I'm not buying it. Which means they are either hetero or homo. I don't even believe in bi. They're just greedy. But ultimately end up on one side of the fence, not straddling it"


I too, do not buy the term bisexuality, and even more, the term asexuality, at least as a true life choice. Yes, I know I am going to get slammed for saying these things, but I think what we suffer from most, is repression. Even if you say you are "asexual" don't you pleasure yourself from time to time?. You know, "stirring the chili", "choking the proverbial chicken", or "slapping the monkey"??

Hi, my name is Paul and I have not had a boyfriend in 42 years.....oh wait, thats another post and another thread..

Re: Asexuality
Yes, I can imagine it would be hard for you to believe. Same way I'll never fathom how sex can be a deal breaker/maker when it comes to some intimate relationships. I don't think it's possible for someone who has sexual feelings to understand someone who doesn't, and vice-versa but it's VERY possible to appreciate one another's lifestyle.



But if I were homo or hetero, wouldn't I have sexual urges? I am as certain and honest that I have no sex drive as I am that my eyes are blue. People have no problem believing I'm deaf or that I hate beer but they figure I'm lyaing about my asexuality. I'm not sure where the greedy fits in but I have been told that someone who doesn't get married is "avoiding the issues". The "labelling", I agree doesn't have to be there all the time but when the topic comes up and someone asks "what ARE you?" it's nice to be able to answer that.
It's not really a band-wagon or fad thing because there are hundreds of people who have been all searching for the same thing. Who knows if it's a 'new' thing either? I always wonder if it's inherited, hell, I don't know, maybe some ancestor passed it down. My entire family - parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews etc, NONE of them are under 5'8" I'm 5'1". Is there something "wrong?" No, it's just in my blueprints. My grandmother was 5'2". She died young so nobody on this side of the ocean ever met her. So they'd look at me and wonder why I'm so short but I can't be taller. I can put on heels and pretend to be, but at the end of the day, I'm 5'1". So I can go out dancing, dress provocatively and "pretend" to be sexual (but for the fact that that'd be a really crappy thing to do to someone) but at the end of the day, I have no want for them sexually and don't want them to think there is.

Someone before made the remark about us being an alien race, I don't know if they were being funny or mean but believe me...for many years I was pretty sure I WAS. Most of the people who stumble across AVEN literally DO stumble across it, very few of us had someone say 'hey, come here, doesn't this sound like a good idea?" If I were as open to suggestion as that, I wouldn't be enjoying a single life. I'd likely be as most of my cronies are, on my 2nd marriage with 3 adult kids and 2 grandkids. Hey, they're happy with their life too but nobody asks them "are you SURE? I can't believe you have no desire to just say bugger it, pack up and leave your family."

, cool, I'm not selling it, just offering answers. They're free. I can't show you the inside of my being, all I can do is face you as honestly as you're facing me. .

some asexuals do, not me and many who do have manners enough to not tell anyone about it.

never heard that term

I think the kids used that in highschool but that was a long time ago but isn't that for guys? - answer is 'no'

You kids come up with the funniest names - answer is still no

It's kinda' like me asking "don't you ever get the urge to stick your head into the centre of a bonfire?" '"c'mon, you mean you never wanted to eat the contents of a litterbox or sit naked on a fence post in -40 weather?" That's how foreign any kind of sexual feelings are to me. (the above questions don't apply to anyone who enjoys sticking their head in bonfires, eating litterbox contents or buck naked fence sitting LOL)



Nice to meet you Paul, thanks for your questions, you're 42 aswell? I'm sure if you keep looking you'll find a nice guy eventually.

toodles for now, cijay

Myst--

Sounds to me that the 'asexual' among us are perhaps simply lacking in the normal hormones and therefore left without any sexual urges.

Sounds sad to me.

"Each to his own taste," said my grandmother as she kissed the cow."

cijaym--

Welcome to A2K. You'll be an asset.

Oh, it's okay, you don't have to talk over my head, I'm here. Thank you for at least acknowledging I lack sexual urges, that's at least an open-minded approach and I appreciate it. I've had my hormones checked on another matter (turned out to be epilepsy but they explored all avenues and did nothing short of exorcising the devil out of me ) and they're all fine, all there.

About the only time I'm sad is when friends abandon me because there's someone who can offer them something I just can't. I know I can't compete with it. I can be 10000% compatible with someone (once was a 21yr relationship) but as soon as someone comes along who WILL accommodate them, I don't get so much as a phonecall to say goodbye. Up til the day before, we could sit up all night talking, take trips together, knew each other inside out but now I see I was just "adequate" until he found someone who would give him the (obvious) sustenance, nothing else mattered. It has happened over and over again. That' the only time I get sad. Otherwise, I am a very ' up' person. Busy as all hell (work full time, teach special adults to read, clean up at the same residence I volunteer at...phew I'm busy!). And, having seen our friend Paul there who hasn't had a boyfriend in 42 years (and I assume he was being as honest with me as I was with him), I've had boyfriends, I'm just obviously to them not worth continuing a relationship with.


Thank you

Hey...Perhaps I Was Wrong
I want to say that I have been reading this post with regularity, and I want to tell you that perhaps I was just plain wrong in saying that no would could truly be asexual.

What makes me change my mind so quickly?. Reading your last statement, about how people would desert you once someone more suitable ( or willing to have sex, or what have you) comes along.

This has been a real lesson for me, because I know what its like to be truly lonely, and how it feels when someone up and leaves without regard to the value of friendship, etc.

Yes, I am a bit off topic here, but I want to formally apologize for being so quick to judge. Live and let live is my motto, and that goes for everyone.

Paul

Thank you, Paul, that really means a lot. We're not trying to 'recruit' or tell anyone that what they're doing is 'wrong' (well, I'm not, there ARE some As that I don't want anything to do with, they're MEAN), we realise we're the exception rather than the rule. It would just be nice that people see that they're NOT going to understand but that doesn't mean we aren't for real.

Thanks again, take care everyone. bye bye

Re: Reviving this thread

I thought it was really interesting that someone wrote that they thought asexuality was a mental illness and someone else wrote that perhaps it was a symptom of depression.

As someone who has suffered from serious depression off and on over my life I can assure you that many anti-depressent medications completely supress one's libido.

Now I'm wondering if maybe asexuals have a better chemical stew firing their brains......

As to procreation, I don't think that has much to do with sex drive. There surely wouldn't be much of a market for birth control if that were true.