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Giving up on relationships

 
 
Reply Tue 24 Jun, 2014 05:54 pm
Now I occasionally read certain members post about having extra-marital affairs or having problems with their lover or spouse etc. I do my best to try to not get involved seeing how I have neither been married, nor had an affair........Until now. No, it's not me having the affair, it's the one I'm dealing with. It seems I'm of the many now who seek the council of the "wise."

Without going into immense detail, she is a nurse at my job who apparently liked me for a long time in which I was unaware. Prior to us getting together, I remember coming into her office talking about her "hooking me up," and to clarify that, you folks have to realize a lot of women in SoCal my age and older, typically go for low lifes so when I come along who brings southern style manners, flowers and candy, mysterious deliveries to my lovers house of flowers, baby products (I used to date women with kids), etc so I usually get burned because of what the last guy did or most women think I have an ulterior motive so I get friend zoned.

So with her, harmless conversation turned into hiking invites which I did not go, then from those discussions I randomly started giving her single roses at work. It was not my intent to flirt but like I've always told her, watching her work with others, she is nice and not everyone appreciates her. Eventually our cordial relationship became an affair of simply kissing (no sex). Foolish am I, I got myself involved with a married woman. I told my brother he said "leave her alone." I told my uncle he said " leave her alone." Pretty much all my immediate family said leave her alone, did I do it? Obviously not.


So we began sneaking around work, at the park, kissing, hugging, talking, and as cliché as situations like this are, I asked her if she was getting a divorce, she affirmed it. But slowly enough I noticed she continued hiking, going to bars, doing other things and several times I told her, hiking can wait, bars will always be there but she lags around telling him she wants a divorce. I know, I know, they always say that.

But what gets me are the words like babe, handsome, sweetie, I miss you, I want to hold your strong arms, etcetera were said in the beginning but since this past Saturday when we talked she harped on me about my sleep, which she does often, because I don't sleep well, but the way she says it often is like a mother to a son instead of a lover to a lover. When I told her this apparently she was taken back.

One thing I hate about women is if some feel offended or upset, they retain their emotions, and hold it in. I noticed it cause in text, after apologizing a thousand times she said:

"It seems it's ok for you to care but not me"..."

Anyway, fast forward since there is too much in between to write, since telling me she is getting too close to me so she going to "take it down a notch," I notice she doesn't seem eager to talk, we still hug and kiss but before we text when I got off work or when she got off work. Now she recently text me just to say goodnite. So now I find myself playing this game where I don't text and today, she asked why I didn't respond to her? Since 6pm my time yesterday I have not contacted.

Yes this is stupid but it looks like I allowed her to drag my heart for use and I will say it doesn't feel good. Going by this situation, and by my failed courting of past relationships, I named this thread. People often say, "there is someone out there," yes there is someone, but is the person compatible? This marred woman I'm dealing with is my ideal wife married to a guy who doesn't cherish her and I feel such a fool.

I don't date women at school cause:

1) Foreigners' parents are too caught up on race and intra-cultural relationships which influence my potential mates decisions.

2) A lot of women are gold diggers. Yes college females on financial aid can be gold diggers.

3)Nice guys finish last. No, not the kind of men that let women walk over them, but the honest hard working men (especially black men).

I hate sounding salty but it pisses me off that women in my state are more attracted to men with light skin, hazel eyes and arrest records. It seems for me, all I attract are women with kids or older non-divorced women.
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jun, 2014 06:10 pm
Quote:
Buttermilk said: it looks like I allowed her to drag my heart for use and I will say it doesn't feel good.

I'm used to it mate!
Sooner or later the woman will decide the relationship has run its course and she wants out, so I just tell her "okay it was fun while it lasted, goodbye", and move on..Smile
Works both ways though, because sometimes it's me who decides its run its course!
Incidentally my golden rule is to never embark on a relationship unless there's a good chance that it'll work. For example I was sitting on a bench on the seafront today and a woman passerby stopped and tried to chat me up, but I didn't bite because she was wearing terrible red shapeless moccasins, and let her carry on walking..Wink
0 Replies
 
luismtzzz
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jun, 2014 06:18 pm
@Buttermilk,
I understand your feeling. You sometimes give your best and anyway you can not succed. This woman is tricky and it won´t make you good. She seeks only attention and you are her provider.

I have to tell you what my wife told me when i confronted her about her affair. It is not what it seems, he means nothing to me, my marriage has been always what was more important, i was confused, i meant no harm, i was just using him, it was just a game.

I understand when love ends theres nothing more to do, it doesn´t matters how much you fight. She can tell you any excuses why his husband doesn´t loves her: he is bad, he has an horrible personality, he does not gives me attention, he is mean, etc. But no one deserves to be tricked with an affair. Her husband does not deserve it, why she lies to you saying she will get a divorce? The most human thing she should have already done was talk to her spouse to end everything.

Do not let this woman end your dreams, your faith in women, and in love. She is not worth the pain. Do not let her define you. There has to be someone. To found a diamond we have first to dig threw all the coal.

I have hope. Even after being cheated. Cheer up bro. Lets move on.
OmSigDAVID
 
  3  
Reply Tue 24 Jun, 2014 06:18 pm
@Buttermilk,
Buttermilk wrote:
I hate sounding salty but it pisses me off
that women in my state are more attracted to men with light skin,
hazel eyes and arrest records. It seems for me, all I attract are women
with kids or older non-divorced women.
Don 't go all Elliot Rodger, on us.
luismtzzz
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jun, 2014 07:15 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
This made me laugh more than it should had.

I think Buttermilk is quite a neat fellow. I doubt he will go on a nutty rampage.

Buttermilk
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jun, 2014 07:19 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
Highly (and remotely) unlikely, in fact Rodger could've taken a page of the failures I've experienced. Besides I find nothing more repulsive than killing people over not having a mate.
Buttermilk
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jun, 2014 07:23 pm
@luismtzzz,
I appreciate the words of wisdom. I just finished talking to my brother and he said the same thing. What's funny I even asked her in a phone conversation, "If you're unhappy, then divorce." She says that she will and wont seek to maintain her marriage. My brother told me that is the same song and dance married women do when they're not interested in divorce.
0 Replies
 
luismtzzz
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jun, 2014 07:24 pm
@Buttermilk,
I was thinking on this last part. It is kind of a recurent complaint between fellow men.

Quote:
I hate sounding salty but it pisses me off that women in my state are more attracted to men with light skin, hazel eyes and arrest records. It seems for me, all I attract are women with kids or older non-divorced women.

I once read an evolutionary theory that kind of explains such behavior. It is called sexy son theory or sexy grandson theory. It stablishes that females in a group that is growing trend to select mating partners basing on their visual aspect which is directly related to their posibility to copulate. In this way if they get pregnant their offspring will recive part of the same attractive traits of the father and thus will more probably copulate with more women. In that way she increases the posibility of having a bigger number of grandchildren on the growing population , in that way her genes have more posibilities of surviving.

This kind of explains why are some women, mostly young ones, to jerks, and idiots and criminals.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jun, 2014 07:28 pm
Maybe you should lay off for a while B-milk.

Not being in a relationship can be very freeing, and gives you time to get to know and have a relationship with yourself.

There just seems to be so much drama out there nowadays. Love should be easy. Meaning it shouldn't be forced, or walking on egg shells, or constantly wondering if you're doing the right thing. That's kid stuff.


Also, (not meaning this as an incentive) it's just one of those things that when you stop looking, something finds you.
OmSigDAVID
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jun, 2014 07:59 pm
@luismtzzz,
luismtzzz wrote:
This made me laugh more than it should had.

I think Buttermilk is quite a neat fellow.



I doubt he will go on a nutty rampage.
OK, THAT 's a relief, Dr. Luis.





David
0 Replies
 
Lash
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jun, 2014 08:03 pm
An adage to heed: One who cheats with you will cheat on you.

Never dip in the married pool.

OmSigDAVID
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jun, 2014 09:34 pm
@Buttermilk,
Buttermilk wrote:
Highly (and remotely) unlikely, in fact Rodger could've taken a page of the failures I've experienced.
He was paralyzed by fear of rejection. He never tried. He never failed.




Buttermilk wrote:
Besides I find nothing more repulsive than killing people over not having a mate.
On this point, we can agree.
Buttermilk
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Jun, 2014 10:43 am
@chai2,
Heard that since high school.....14 years of not actively looking, then what? LOL
0 Replies
 
Buttermilk
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Jun, 2014 10:57 am
@OmSigDAVID,
Women rejecting me doesn't paralyze me nor make me afraid. You know how many times I've been rejected? Lots! I remember years ago I was rejected by a "HOOTERS waitress" back in '02-03. She went to Long Beach State. She was fine as hell. After dinner I went up to her to ask for her number. She asked me to hold on then her co-workers came up to her and she walked away. Didn't even come back to apologize for having me wait.

Talk about being dissed.

Funny how Karma plays out because a year later I seen her on a dating show (not sure of the name) where two contestants drive around to different restaurants doing different activities and to be funny the show, has thought bubbles to pretend what they're thinking and at the end, each contestantdecides if they wanna continue the date or not. Anyway, I seen that show, and I remember the guy at the end of the show, asked to see her tits. She pulls them out to show on national T.v

I was glad I never dated her...
Buttermilk
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Jun, 2014 10:59 am
@Lash,
You're absolutely right. I know this but I am stupid so I'm trying to start to think with my mind instead of my heart.
0 Replies
 
Buttermilk
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Jun, 2014 11:10 am
@luismtzzz,
Luis your on the money. A similar theory in biopsychology explains how our ancestors (Homo Erectus????) the women selected males with atypical facial features such as prominent cheek bones, square jaw as oppose to men with oval shaped face because in theory men with atypical facial features are seen as masculine and strong and men with typical features are seen as weak, the former is likely to pass on their genes through selection as opposeed to the latter.

I think today, the media makes dangerous men attractive because it's the idea of excitement, whereas good men are portrayed as weak and emotionally impotent.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Jun, 2014 11:24 am
@Buttermilk,
Buttermilk wrote:

Women rejecting me doesn't paralyze me nor make me afraid. You know how many times I've been rejected? Lots! I remember years ago I was rejected by a "HOOTERS waitress" back in '02-03. She went to Long Beach State. She was fine as hell. After dinner I went up to her to ask for her number. She asked me to hold on then her co-workers came up to her and she walked away. Didn't even come back to apologize for having me wait.




Do you know how many times each night someone asks a Hooters waitress for their phone number while they're working? For her, it's an occupational hazard she's willing to put up with to get tips.

I wouldn't include her in your list of rejections.

chai2
 
  0  
Reply Wed 25 Jun, 2014 11:31 am
@Buttermilk,
Buttermilk wrote:


I think today, the media makes dangerous men attractive because it's the idea of excitement, whereas good men are portrayed as weak and emotionally impotent.


Yeah, I guess the same way the media portrays stick thin women with big breasts and at the top of their game between the ages of 18 and 22 and a bag full of makeup and cells phones as desireable.
Whereas good, intelligent, stable, low drama women as seen as boring and invisible.

I hate the media.
Buttermilk
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Jun, 2014 11:39 am
@chai2,
Well I've seen Hooter girls give their numbers out too, I just named one of many. Of course now I wouldn't do it.
chai2
 
  0  
Reply Wed 25 Jun, 2014 11:43 am
@Buttermilk,
How do you know they are handing out their real number?
 

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