Giving up on relationships

Now I occasionally read certain members post about having extra-marital affairs or having problems with their lover or spouse etc. I do my best to try to not get involved seeing how I have neither been married, nor had an affair........Until now. No, it's not me having the affair, it's the one I'm dealing with. It seems I'm of the many now who seek the council of the "wise."

Without going into immense detail, she is a nurse at my job who apparently liked me for a long time in which I was unaware. Prior to us getting together, I remember coming into her office talking about her "hooking me up," and to clarify that, you folks have to realize a lot of women in SoCal my age and older, typically go for low lifes so when I come along who brings southern style manners, flowers and candy, mysterious deliveries to my lovers house of flowers, baby products (I used to date women with kids), etc so I usually get burned because of what the last guy did or most women think I have an ulterior motive so I get friend zoned.

So with her, harmless conversation turned into hiking invites which I did not go, then from those discussions I randomly started giving her single roses at work. It was not my intent to flirt but like I've always told her, watching her work with others, she is nice and not everyone appreciates her. Eventually our cordial relationship became an affair of simply kissing (no sex). Foolish am I, I got myself involved with a married woman. I told my brother he said "leave her alone." I told my uncle he said " leave her alone." Pretty much all my immediate family said leave her alone, did I do it? Obviously not.


So we began sneaking around work, at the park, kissing, hugging, talking, and as cliché as situations like this are, I asked her if she was getting a divorce, she affirmed it. But slowly enough I noticed she continued hiking, going to bars, doing other things and several times I told her, hiking can wait, bars will always be there but she lags around telling him she wants a divorce. I know, I know, they always say that.

But what gets me are the words like babe, handsome, sweetie, I miss you, I want to hold your strong arms, etcetera were said in the beginning but since this past Saturday when we talked she harped on me about my sleep, which she does often, because I don't sleep well, but the way she says it often is like a mother to a son instead of a lover to a lover. When I told her this apparently she was taken back.

One thing I hate about women is if some feel offended or upset, they retain their emotions, and hold it in. I noticed it cause in text, after apologizing a thousand times she said:

"It seems it's ok for you to care but not me"..."

Anyway, fast forward since there is too much in between to write, since telling me she is getting too close to me so she going to "take it down a notch," I notice she doesn't seem eager to talk, we still hug and kiss but before we text when I got off work or when she got off work. Now she recently text me just to say goodnite. So now I find myself playing this game where I don't text and today, she asked why I didn't respond to her? Since 6pm my time yesterday I have not contacted.

Yes this is stupid but it looks like I allowed her to drag my heart for use and I will say it doesn't feel good. Going by this situation, and by my failed courting of past relationships, I named this thread. People often say, "there is someone out there," yes there is someone, but is the person compatible? This marred woman I'm dealing with is my ideal wife married to a guy who doesn't cherish her and I feel such a fool.

I don't date women at school cause:

1) Foreigners' parents are too caught up on race and intra-cultural relationships which influence my potential mates decisions.

2) A lot of women are gold diggers. Yes college females on financial aid can be gold diggers.

3)Nice guys finish last. No, not the kind of men that let women walk over them, but the honest hard working men (especially black men).

I hate sounding salty but it pisses me off that women in my state are more attracted to men with light skin, hazel eyes and arrest records. It seems for me, all I attract are women with kids or older non-divorced women.