Don't want children---EVER

Like i said women react differently to different kinds of hormones and other chemicals.

I was taking Oestrogen tablets, and I put on over 10 pounds in a couple of months, i got headaches and all weird stuff happened to me.

Atleast if you take something in an oral form daily you can stop taking it straight away and the side effects will normally cease.

If you get an injection you have to wait over three months for it to stop.

I know you can get depo or something similar in an oral form.

It sucks but the only way i found out what to take was through trial and error

the only good thing that came from the pill was my boyfriend at the time was in heaven with my new large breasts... I have changed the pill three times and my boobs haven't gotten any smaller... I guess they are here to stay.

No children
This message is for jora - I have also never wanted children and at age 32 I have still not changed my mind, and even more convinced that I will never want to have children. You can eventually find a doctor who will give you a tubal ligation, it is your constitutional right to have authority over your own reproductive status and organs. It is intimidating when everyone you meet berates you for this decision including your doctor, which really undermines the trust you have in this person to be involved in your health decisions. People don't realize there are many issues involved in this decision. Not only could you pass on your illness to your child, but the act of being pregnant could deteriorate your own health further. Even if your child were born without your illness, there are many other illnesses babies are born with, including heart defects, birth defects, cerebral palsy, leukemia, etc. etc. I have been a nurse for 12 years, and you would not believe how many children ARE NOT born healthy, and if you are sick, taking care of a special needs baby would also be doubly hard. Why ANYONE would think not bringing another child into the world is SELFISH is beyond me. Many people say this without even thinking because they are just towing the party line. My life is completely fulfilled because I have so much more time and energy for things like learning new skills, traveling, volunteering...I could go on and on. There are so, so many unwanted children, if you ever changed your mind (which I doubt you will), you could adopt a child. Stick by your guns and don't let anyone think you can't think for yourself.

How strange people are.
I know women who would do anything to have a baby.
Unless you are sure to conceive a creature with cenetic malformations, otherwise think well what you do.

zirknitz--

After two children I opted for a tubal litigation. Tell me how my operation deprived more than one woman (me, of course) of having a baby.

Do you really think that a woman chooses sterility on a whim?

Reproduction is--or should be--a personal choice.

Noddy, it is not your case, in addition I wrote:
"Unless you are sure to conceive....."

Listen to Noddy
Noddy is so right. No woman makes a choice not to have children on a whim. I believe wholeheartedly that women who choose not to have children put MUCH more thought into their decision that almost all women who choose to have children because "that's what you do." I went to my gynecologist today (who won't leave me alone about having kids) and again I told her I have no interest in it (this is after she was in the next room with a mother whose infant screamed like he was being skinned alive for 15 minutes straight). Unfortunately, I need to have one of my ovaries removed because of cysts, and her reply was "well, now that you only have one ovary you will change your mind." WHAT?!!! Like my decision not to have kids wasn't based on 100 different factors that had absolutely nothing to do with how many ovaries I had. This is why women make a lifelong commitment to raise a child, because they can? You give more thought to what you are going to buy at the grocery store, for crying out loud. I am also extremely tired of listening to every mother I know complain incessantly about what a pain in the but their kids are, and how they can't wait to send them to summer camp to "get them out of my face," and these are the same people who are ASTOUNDED when I tell them (after they've pestered me about it 10 times) that I'm never having kids. Then they say 'Oh you don't know what you're missing!" Are these people KIDDING? It doesn't seem to me that many women even consider the fact that they have a CHOICE in the matter. Another woman I know is telling me she can't wait to have her third and fourth child even though she can't afford clothes for the first two. Who is thinking there? But does anyone say, "what are you thinking?" to her? OF COURSE NOT, BECAUSE HAVING KIDS IS WHAT YOU DO. Give me a break! If a man says he doesn't want kids at 35 nobody bats an eyelash. But because I'm a woman, I have to answer to every tom, dick and harry about my decision. You'd think by now this society would be a little more progressive. Every time someone has told me "I'll regret it" it has become harder and harder not to freak out. Do I listen to stories of their monster kids and how much they hate taking care of them and say "Oh, I bet you're going to regret it?" Of course not, because I don't force my opinions on everyone else. I which people would have the same courtesy for me. I can't believe how rude other women are to me about this. Lastly, if you're on the fence about having kids, go read the parenting section for ten minutes. If that doesn't make your mind up NOT to have kids, I don't know what will.

sadie--

Welcome to A2K.

The world is full of officious fools, but none of them can make you pregnant without your permission.

Hold your dominion.

Sadie, I'm sorry you're surrounded by such poor excuses for mothers. We're not all like that.

I was absolutely 200% positive I never wanted children...until I hit my 30s and did an abrupt 180. The truth was, I didn't want to have children the way everybody else had children. The idea of living like they did was disgusting. It took me awhile to realize I could do it on my own terms. Unfortunately, I then ran into infertility problems and was told I had less than a 5% chance. My some miracle, our son was born a few years later.
I dearly love him, and I never complain about being a mother. I have a GREAT kid, and we are very close and loving. He is a daily delight. He can be a challenge, but so are most worthwhile things. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone's.

I'm not saying this to tell you that you should have kids. Not at all. I totally respect your feelings. I should know, I once shared them. As long as you feel this way, you are definitely right about not having children. Ignore the idiots.

I just wanted you to know that it's possible for your perspective to change, no matter how sure you are. If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. In this life, it's always better not to burn bridges unless you have to.

I also wanted you to know that not everyone who has children does so thoughtlessly and gracelessly.

Sadie. I am with you. I am the 32 year old mother of an 1 1/2 year old little girl. I really don't know what I was thinking when I decided it was time to get pregnant. It happened on my wedding night so i think I just got carried away with the whole celebration and romance of it all. My husband wants to have more children. I tell him NO WAY. She is by far the biggest pain I've ever experienced. She's an obstacle to everything I am and want to do. Whether its working, house-cleaning, camping, cooking, or even sleeping, she's there to wreak havoc on me. All I can dream about is her eventually getting older and finding some way to entertain herself quietly somewhere else! And everyone tells me I have the best behaved kid they've met. So I can't even imagine how devastating a high-need baby would be. Don't get me wrong, I love my child very much. I just regret having her.

So for all those blissful mothers who say, "Just wait, you WILL change your mind ...." I'm living proof that's not always the case.

shoshana
I truly hope your child never reads your words on this very public forum. I'd be devistated if I ever learned that my parents regreted having me and felt that I was such a burden.

I think that's the saddest thing I've read in a long time. What a despicable thing for a "loving parent" to say. Sheesh.

Well Eva, my mom told me she would have had an abortion if it were legal at the time...

Not all women magically turn into loving mothers just by giving birth.

~~~

shoshana,

It is all in your attitude. Is 'getting X done' more important than the moment? No. If you don't understand what I'm saying, that's okay. But please get some counselling. A good therapist can help you see things differently. Many people (me included) get the most joy out of life from their child. You should, too.

Shoshana--

I can sympathize with your exasperation. Motherhood is not only a career, but an interruption of all other activities from the Birth of the Baby to.....

Other People--

NOTE: This Honeymoon Baby is interrupting all other activities for Shoshana. I've known many mothers who coo and goo and express infinite devotion who let the baby scream while they cook or vacuum or paint their fingernails.

Shoshana is doing her best at a job that she'd rather not have. Personally, I'd rather have a mother who walks the walk rather than a nitwit who goos the goo.

I love my sons--but I resented interruptions. I even resented the long months of bulky pregnancy when I was Never Alone.

Shoshana--

Life will get better. Hold your dominion.

Please, please,please don't ever tell your child that you regret having her. I got pregnant w/ my son when I was 21 and still in college. My husband and I were engaged at the time and the wedding was a few months away. It was the worst timing possible! This is not the way we had planned and I was scared to death that I would never have my freedom. But as time passed I realized that this wasn't my son's fault and I had made the mistake so therefore I had to stop being selfish and make the best out of it. So please understand that it's not your little girls fault for why your unhappy. She didn't ask to be here.

Jora -

I commend you for realizing you don't want children. There are a lot of people out there who just had children to be politically correct and didn't really want them for the right reasons. This is definitely something to discuss before you get married some day. It's a huge marriage issue, as I'm sure you realize.

My husband doesn't want children either. He's 33 and said, like you did, that he has never had any interest in being a parent. He's always assumed responsibility for my children because they were in the picture with me before he was and he loves and supports them because they're a part of me. But he never wants kids of his own.

However, he never has had anything done surgically to prevent him from doing so. I had surgery before I met him because I was done having children and didn't want any more so it's not an issue that he have something done. But I'm considerably older than he is, and I've always had in the back of my mind that some day he may regret doing something permanent, just in case he winds up with someone else somewhere down the road, and if some day he changes his mind about being a parent for whatever reason.

I say use the most reliable contraception you can find. If you never have children because you never decide that it's something that fits into your life, I commend your honesty and conviction. But life situations change, our wants and needs change, so unless there's a set-in-stone reason to do something that can't be reversed, I say to always leave your options open just in case. You're 23, the rest of your life is a long time, leaving a lot of room for many things to change. Further down the road, maybe in your mid to late 30's if you still feel the way you do now, you can have something done permanently at that time. I just would be apprehensive to burn any proverbial bridges at this early point in your adult life.

You sound very mature for your age. I have a feeling you're going to be a very successful person nomatter what you do.

P.S. I love Mystery Science Theatre too! Ever see "I Accuse My Parents?" Great episode (ironically.)

Noddy, I hope you don't think I was trying to chastise shoshana for being so honest. I was just trying to help her find a way to be more happy with her life as it is now.

I, too, resent the constant interuptions from time to time [especially when it seems that my DH takes over for DD as soon as she is down for a nap/bed!]. But mostly I just figure nothing much matters besides my DD and I take joy in interacting with her. If you knew me personally and how morose and cynical I am, you'd see what an amazing thing that is.

don't want kids ever, boyfriend does in future
I'm 23 and have been dating Adam for almost five years. We're both starting medical school next semester and plan to marry after we graduate. The problem is that I don't want kids at all! I've had a bad childhood and I feel that I don't have the skills to raise a child. I have suffered from sexual abuse and the thought of not having control over my body during pregnancy scares me. I also have no maternal instinct. My boyfriend doesn't know all the details, so he thinks its about me not having maternal instinct and being afraid of my body changing. I want a tubal pronto! He wants me to wait because he's sure I'm going to change my mind.

Debb--

Welcome to A2K.

First question: Why can't you be honest with Adam? How does he feel about your desire to remain childless? Some honest talking now could prevent a lot of heartbreak later.


I have known two cases of people in their late teens, early twenties wanting tubals. In one case the OB/GYN co-operated after she delivered her fourth child in five years. In the other case the Urologist insisted on waiting until the man was thirty--just in case he changed his mind.

You certainly have a right not to have children--but you've got to be honest with a life partner and you'll have to cope with unwanted emotional protection from the medical establishment.

Good luck.

jora.. this is for you, i am cf, i dont want kids, my g.f doesnt want kids and we are the happiest we have ever been.. there are a lot of places you can visit, they have links to other cf sites.. if you want the tubal, have it, its your decision, i want the snip my g.f wants a tubal.. until then we are supremely careful,

there are a few places about cfdom.. with a few useful sites..
these are personal sites
http://evildragonlady.com/cfb/index.php

http://thecfcouple.proboards37.com/index.cgi

and this is the UK cf organisation kidding aside

http://www.forumco.com/kiddingaside/default.asp