Don't want children---EVER

Will you have children or not is your own choice. However, I really don't see point in doing something what you CAN regret later and from what it will be no way back.
Today you can rely just enough on contraceptive methods (you can even choose combination of 2 or even 3 contraceptive methods) to be sure you will not get pregnant. And then if you change your mind you will be able to have children.
There are lot of people without children in the world that haven't done extreme medical operations to prevent it....

Yes jora, I would just stick to good contraception. There is nothing wrong with not wanting children, but radical surgery can wait.

as for the other part of question I doubt doctor can deny you since you are adult, but as cav and I said - there is absolutely no need for radical choices

I have two children and love children. I also know many couples who never want to have children. I think that is fine. Everyone is different and what makes one person happy will not make another person happy. I agree that some one should not have a child unless they truly want one. A child requires lots of work and patience, etc. Most doctors will not perform tubal ligation on young women (usually under 35 or 40). I think it has more to do with the fact that your feelings about having children could change (there is another 17 years before you turn 40) and it would be irreversible. I do not think that having a serious relationship would change your mind, I think it is a possibly that you may just have a change of heart. A person changes an incredible amount from the time they are 23 until they are in their late 20s and more so in their 30s. One thing I can say that I have changed a lot by is my patience. I was not very patient when I was in my early 20s, but I have changed dramatically. Also doctors have more knowledge and experience on seeing this happen before. In addition, there are many forms of birth control that are extremely effective. I use birth control pills and they are 98 or 99% effective. I am 40 and have never had an unplanned pregnancy. There are also patches that work similar to pill so you do not have to remember taking them every day and other methods. I do not know the requirements, but the majority of doctors will not perform this procedure on young women unless it is for your health reasons. I agree with the doctors. I would suggest that you try another form of birth control and have a heart to heart talk with your doctor.

My older son decided at the age of 16 or so that he did not want children. When he was 18 he made an appointment with a urologist to be snipped. The doctor refused to perform the surgery, assuring my son he would change his mind.

At 21 he married and he and his wife decided that they did not want children. Another appointment, another urologist, another "Keep Your Options Open" speech.

At 24 he found a cooperative urologist.

Keep looking for a cooperative OB/GYN. You are clear in your own mind that you do not want children. I assume you would be very up-front about your convictions with anyone you might form a short-term or long-term relationship with.

Little accidents are born every day to unwilling mothers. If you ever change your mind, you can adopt one of them--rather than birthing one of them while you are reluctant.

Your convictions are firm; your mind is made up. There is no point in "keeping your options/ovaries" open.

Hold your dominion.

I wish the doctors had believed me when I wanted a permanent answer to birth control a little over 25 years ago. I didn't want children then, didn't want children later, and still don't. I wish I knew how to convince the doctors that you really know what you want.

Re: Don't want children---EVER


Ask your doctor what the process is. They are the only ones that can give you any really accurate info.

One of my sisters decided she never wanted children and was pretty much in the same boat you are in. The doctors wouldn't do the tubal until she turned 27 precisely because there was a concern that she was still relatively young and could easily change her mind.

Just keep in mind that you are talking about elective surgery here. It's really more of you convincing the doctor of the need than them finding a reason to deny it. I'd think (and hope!) any doctor worth a damn would be hesitant to do any surgery unless they are convinced it is really necessary.

Start asking around. After my divorce when I was 35 I checked with several feminist sources and found an OB/GYN who was willing to tie my tubes because I wanted my tubes tied.

Doctors are all different.

By the by, first research you do is whether or not a tubal litigation would be covered by your health insurance. Guaranteed payment might be helpful in finding a sympathetic OB/GYN.

Good advice from Noddy.

By the way, jora, you don't need to justify to anyone why you don't want kids. It's your decision and that's that. Anyone wanting more info is just being nosy.

I could have written your post, jora, when I was your age. I was dead set against ever having children. I didn't like them at all. I married for the first time at 19, and he felt the same way (perhaps even more strongly...he decided he wanted a vasectomy and got one at 24.) My convictions were absolutely consistent - rock solid - from the time I was a teenager...

Until I hit my 30s.

Then my perspective changed. The very real possibility of living the remainder of my life outside a family situation now looked very dull to me. I'd already had 12-14 years on my own or with another adult, and 40 or 50 more of the same to go. Knowing that children are only at home for 18 years before they leave for college...("18 YEARS?! That's a LIFETIME!" I would have said) but at 33, 18 years didn't look like a lifetime anymore. Not even close. Funny how age does that.

So we had a child. It was the best decision I ever made. I was 40 when I had him. (Takes longer when you're older.) I'll be 50 this fall, and we only have 8 more years 'til we're on our own again. 'Til our world becomes all-adult again. God, I'll miss him when he's gone. There is something deeply refreshing and invigorating about having a young person around when you're middle-aged. The older I get, the more I enjoy them.

If it could happen to me, jora, it could happen to you. Don't assume you'll always feel the same way. Sometimes life plays funny tricks on you. Take your pills (or shots or patches) and keep your options open. No sense burning bridges at 23.

I HATE the Pill.

I wanted my tubes tied after I had my baby, but chickened out at the last minute.

I got an IUD instead and I love it. No hormones, nothing to remember, good for 10 yrs. Yes, there's some spotting, but that's a minor problem.

Some people think Depo-Provera is the best thing ever. After a while, no periods (!) Great, eh? But I hate messing with my hormones, so it wasn't for me.

If you do get your tubes tied, go for one of the methods that is easier to reverse.

http://www.tubal-reversal.net/tubal_ligation_fallopian_tube.htm

You never know, there might be a global catastrophe where you are one of the few women left who can bear children. As such, you are held in high esteem & all you have to do all day is live in luxury and have sex with appealing young men of your choice. The babies are delivered by C-section & adopted by couples who desperately want a baby. (a positive spin on The Handmaid's Tale)

Jora, the problem is, boys don't have uteruses. Or "tubes" for that matter. I would consult an anatomy book. Was the doctor laughing when he denied your request?

Ummm....what are you talking about? I'm a girl.

And a girl with a MST Av even. W00t!

Ohhhhh! You can only imagine how foolish I feel.

S'okay, SCoates :wink: , don't worry about it. Actually my name is used for both sexes, so some do get confused sometimes. Oh, and thank you fishin'! Glad somebody else knows what MST is!

I'm not particularly fond of having kids either. But its best not to take a rash decision like typing up your tubes, just in case you ever change your mind in future. You never know!!

Eva....Well said! I had the same experience, had absolutely no desire for children till my 30's. Now they are absolutely more important to me than anything. I don't think I grew up till I had children.

While that is a good argument, it's not only the fact that I don't want them that I am determined not to have them. I have a disorder that has at least a 50% chance of being passed on to any offspring. It is something that I have struggled with my entire life, and for which there is no cure. I have to take medications for this, and I have read that each one of them causes birth defects. Seeing as even one month without these medications would put my life in jeopardy, I cannot imagine willingly going without them for nine. It's a matter of not wanting them mainly, but also not wishing to put them in any danger. Having kids is not just about wanting them. You have to be able to take care of them.